Really upset - please calm me down - family and eating disorder

honeyshine

I have had an eating disorder for a while now and while I acknowledge that and am getting help I have not told my family beacuse there are other things going on and I just don't feel comfortable talking to them. All I would hear is it's your fault. Just eat. They called me a nutcase the other day. So basically I haven't otld them.

A letter today arrived while I was out today with a referral to the eating disorders clinic and I have arrived home to find that it is labelled to
ME
ADDRESS
RE: Eating disorders referral.

While I undersatnd that is indeed the nature of the letter all this could be seen through the plastic window and for sure my family would have seen it as the letter has been shaken around (I'm sure to try and see the contents).

I'm really really upset about this and just don't know what to do. I don't want to speak to my family and I'm just
I know I'm being irrational. Help me Tell me I'm being stupid. I don't even know why I'm posting. (I'm not a newbie, I just have this account on another computer and didn't want to post under my usual name)

Racheldevon

You're not being stupid. It's ok to be upset, and it's great that you're seeking help. You're not obliged to share the decision to seek help, the reasons contributing to why, or any other information that you dont' wish to share with your family. However, in time you may find that they can be a source of support to you, or you may need to build a support network around you through a range of other resources. Good luck with the support you receive, I hope you're able to make the most of the services that are offered to you

geri1965_2

Don't say anything unless you are asked. If you are asked, tell them *calmly* that it is your own private business and you do not wish to discuss it. Then walk away.

honeyshine

Thanks. I don't know I just feel so panicky and upset abotu it at the moment. I'm hiding in my room. I don't want to see anyone because I feel embaressed about it to be honest

maman

Didn't want to read and run but I'd certainly take it up with the hospital when you go. Those sort of letters should certainly be private and telling the postman and the world is definitely not on!!!

mrsrwallace

I didn't want to read and run so firstly fair play to you for tackling your problem and taking steps to get help with it.

Secondly I can understand and appreciate your need for privacy while you seek this help so can totally empathise with your fear of family members "discovering" your secret. I think that there are two ways of handling this situation. You can either use the suspicion that someone in your family has had a peek at the letter through the little envelope window and just sit them down and matter of factly say you have been having some problems and have an eating disorder but that you are looking to remedy it and that whilst you do so you would appreciate they leave you to get on with it.

Or you could completely act as if nothing has happened and nobody has seen your letter and carry on keeping your secret until someone mentions it. I know there are always those who think they know best and due to not having a clue about matters such as eating disorders, they can give such meaningless advice as "oh stop doing it for attention", "just eat" etc etc and some will shy away from it completely and not talk about it at all.

The main thing here is you have a problem and you get it tackled so you can get on the road to health again. Would there even be one person in your family or circle of friends/work colleagues, anyone at all you could confide in and let them help you tell your family? At least if you had some support it would ease your stress a little and make you feel less alone and overwhelmed.

barbiedoll

I think that you're not only feeling panicky about your family seeing the letter but also about the letter itself. It is a firm commitment to seeking help and is just the first step towards your recovery.

It's probably a very scary thought, attending that appointment but you have done fantastically well to even seek help, especially as you are going it alone. You have nothing to be scared of and you certainly shouldn't be embarassed, if anything, you should be very proud of yourself.

Don't worry about your family, if they ask, you don't have to say anything, your health is your own private affair.

And you aren't a "nutcase"!

Good luck with your appointment, but for now, hide the letter and don't think about it........try to relax and enjoy your weekend if you can. Let us know how you get on.

Millie2008_2

I'd certainly take it up with the hospital when you go. Those sort of letters should certainly be private and telling the postman and the world is definitely not on!!!

This! All is takes is for them to ensure that nothing except the address is visible in the window and that is not difficult. I remember similar when the secretary from the EDU phoned and left a message on my home answerphone, when I had specified that I only wanted calls on my mobile and this was specified on my notes.

Lots of luck for your treatment, it won't be easy, but I promise that it will be worth it x

pearl123

Is it also possible that your family would be aware that you have an issue with food and would be glad to see such a letter come through the door.
Well done by the way for seeking help. Good luck.

honeyshine

Thank you for all replying.
I've calmed down a bit now.
The letter is sitting on the desk next to me, I was too upset to even open it but they rang me up to tell me about the appointment anyway (I don't have a good feeling about them as I answered the phone and confirmed who I was then they said can we change your appointment, I've been waiting 7 months for this referral so I didn't have a clue who they were nor did they introduce themselves, nor did I even know I had even been given an appointment!) Anyway, I know it's for the best.
I've decided to just not bring it up with my family and leave it. If they ask I will take geri1965's advice and just walk away calmly saying it's my own business.
Thank you so much though. You all made me feel so much better in what I thought was a terrible (me overreaacting) situation.

Northern_Princess

My neice has an eating disorder and it was apparent long before she told us she was going for counselling for it.

As for the envelope stating Eatimg Disorder Referral surely that itself is a breach of patient confidentiality? I would be raising a complaint with whichever Trust/Body that sent it.