Parents Evening and My Ex!!!!!!!!

loftus

Why? He's still a parent. He wouldn't necessarily be going there to bask in the limelight.
I'm not suggesting he want's to go but am curious as to why you feel you can't share these events in "your" (as in plural) childrens lives?

Lusignan

DH made a point of going to all his kids' parents evenings even when the ex 'forgot' to tell him about them. He wasn't going to play her games; he communicated directly with the school.

newMS

well if he was that interested he would have come along when we were married, why would he feel any different now we are divorced ?

Becles

I've never been to a parents evening with my ex. He shows no interest in the childrens education, and had never asked to come to one before.

Then I met my hubby, who has taken an interest in the boys and shares their homework with me. It's hubby who's spent time making sure they learn spellings, read reading books, given a hand with projects and so on. Hubby wanted to come to parents evenings, so he also knew what the boys were good at and what they needed to work on, so he could help teach them the things they struggle on at home.

Ex didn't like this and tried to stop hubby attending, by saying me and ex should attend. I didn't feel comfortable with this though.

I spoke to school who said they understood about situations like this. They told me to tell ex when parents evening is, and he could contact school and arrange a second appointment for himself. The teachers were happy to speak to me and hubby at one appointment, and ex at another.

Even though ex kicked up such a fuss, he's still never been to a parents evening :rolleyes:

OP - if you don't feel comfortable going with ex, see if you school will do two appointments too.

loftus

Because divorce changes many things in peoples lives, for good and bad. When you were married you went and then presumably told him what had happened and what was said.
I'm not saying he wants to go or that even if asked he would want to go. But maybe he should be given the opportunity to think about it rather than have the decision made for him?

newMS

he is quite capable of making his own arrangements and i would not stop him either, if he wants to go then fine (but not with me thank you very much) but somehow can't see him doing so.... eldest just had a progress report, he will probably take it to show his dad on sunday so he will know how he is getting on.

this however has nothing to do with OP.......... you and your son know who do all the work and yhou have every right to be proud of him

loftus

Agree with newMS's last line. The important thing is that the OP and her son know what the situation is.

taggiesgirl

Thank you all for your replies, you have made me feel really welcome considering it was my 1st post.

Basically I HATE my ex, but after 3-4 years of arguing/heartache and tears with going through court etc.... (because of him he started it all not me).
I finally decided enough was enough and on my wedding day to my hubby (not my sons dad) I looked at my son and thought how awful it would be for HIM to not be able to invite BOTH his parents to his wedding/his 18th/his 21st and then I decided to rise above his dad and play him at his own game (not in a nasty way!).
So it was MY choice to have him at parents evening but believe me I did it NOT for him but my son, I even allowed him to attend my sons party this year something his dad hasnt done for 5 years.

Sometimes I think that by being nice it gets to people more!! and I will NEVER forgive him for everything hes put us both through and what hes said about me in court and my son.

I also believe 'what goes around comes around' (and this is true as his new wifes ex hubby is going to take her to court over their son!). So now they can know how it feels to be on the other end!.

AT the end of the day my son wants for nothing. It says alot when NONE of his friends new my hubby wasnt his real dad even his teacher wasnt aware!. AT the end of the day thats enough for me.

loftus

Taggiesgirl - obviously we don't know the ins and outs of why you have been to court and what all the arguments were about but I just wanted to say that I think how you are handling the situation now is to be applauded.
Too many people in acrimonius divorces forget that it is not the fathers or mothers right to see the child, it is the childs right to see the parent.
I hope your mature attitude pays dividends for all of you.