living with abusive ex partner what do i do?

Nottoobadyet

Just thinking it may be best to take this down and correspond with the other posters by PM - if he checks up on you on MSE (I guess this since you dont want to use your old handle) then there really is a lot of identifying information in your OP!

Fire_Fox

Your landlord is not responsible for your personal safety in respect of someone you chose to share a house with: you are an adult in charge of your own welfare. Ring the police EVERY time your ex gets verbally or physically abusive, including throwing things or pushing you or shouting. IMO discussing this in confidence with a student welfare officer at the university, it sounds like your ex needs urgent medical help with his mental state.

opinionswanted

Hello

Thank you for all your advice.

I'm not a troll let me assure you.

Marisco is totally right about logging off quickly.

It's at the stage he goes through all of my things like my diary Skype phone emails ect.

Regarding the tennancy we are in England
It's a contract per room and three rooms in the house.
I don't really want to say start and finish dates due to being identified.
I am the only student in the house
We are each on separate 6 month contracts.
I don't know if it helps but I haven't actually signed a contract... Stupid I know but I think it gives me some kind of protection.
My friend has and is in her second of six months is there anyway she can get out of it I know this is not a good idea the landlord is fab and understanding. Can she use the bills not being paid as a leaving clause?

I took your advice regarding the bailiff and have spoken with both the agent and the landlord they said they will sort it. And I am to expect a phone call tomorrow with the details for this situation. I will not allow them in the house next time don't worry!

The house is not rented through Uni so they won't be able to help on that front. I will see if they have any rooms in halls obviously this is not ideal as its my final year and it will be their 1st ha!!

Regarding the hardship fund the last time he went totally off his rocker I did go in and ask they said I needed to have maxed out my student over draft which being on mse I don't have ha! Typical just like the rest of the benefit system you don't get money for being sensible with money!! Thu have said to come back after the 25th of September once the fund opens the advisor said I would be a candidate due to it being my final year.

Thank you for the advice with the furniture I will put it on gumtree and if he asks I'll say I'm have a tidy up or a clear out.

I'm not sure about woman's aid at the mo as I feel there are more people in need such as woman with children. I like the idea of going to the police station if I go can I state for information only like with car insurence?

We have had the police out twice now in the last 8 weeks and I have recorded him in his rants and taken a few pics of bruises I have a few big scars that will unfortunately be with me forever so I have proof of the injuries.


I'll sign off for now as I'm worried he will see. Thank you all once again. X

marisco_2

Going by things you have bravely disclosed in your last post you are in more immediate danger than I feel you can allow yourself to believe right now. This guy has got you very scared and is a violent and controlling bully. It is not natural to be living on a knife edge as you undoubtedly are. I know from personal experience how hard it is to face the enormity of what you are going through.

Phone Womens Aid tonight please. No person who is being abused is any more important than another. They will help you. You need assistance to get away from him as soon as you can.

marisco_2

I have a question. Is it possible that he could be on drugs? Even for an abusive personality his behaviours seem extreme.

duchy

Halls might be the wisest choice of all as he's not a student so would have no right to be anywhere near the premises at all -Might be a trade off with all those first years but something to consider.

I'd be tempted to say to the landlord that it is him or you -as you don't feel safe with him in the house if you REALLY want to stay there although a fresh start somewhere he doesn't know may be safer.

esmy

From the mum of a daughter who was in a very similar situation, please don't stay...your safety is the most important thing here, not your rent or bills or your furniture. All that can be sorted out later.

If you need to take the overdraft to fund yourself to get out, use it - this isn't a time for being frugal.

Have you any friends you can stay with for now, maybe a spare room or even a sofa in a shared house? Maybe other students aren't back yet for a week or two and someone will have some space??

Once you're safer, talk to your Uni welfare people or Womens Aid or the police re advice about what to do next. You might want to think about getting legal advice, too. Keep ringing the police if you feel at all threatened. You don't have to live like this.

Keep safe x

dancingfairy

Do you or your friend have other friends you can stay with? (even if it's on their sofa or floor for a few weeks). Anything hasto be better than living with a nutter. Get in touch with the uni and ask to be housed, explain that you are homeless as it is unsafe to live in your current house with a violent person and see if there is any space anywhere for you.
Ditto the council, get on to them and explain you are homeless (due to serious risk of violence).
Whilst it would be great if you could get the guy out, the quickest and safest option is for you and your friend to just get out of there (no chance for recriminations/retaliation), just pack your stuff and go. If you have to go with just a few bits and pieces and have to go back with the police or with the landlord then just go with whatever you can grab for now. Seriously just get out of there.
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DS4215

If he is looking at your Skype, email, etc - change your passwords and/or use private browsing to look at any websites. He will not be able to get in and it will leave no trace on any computer of the sites you are viewing.

Thegirl

You need to leave hunny, now.
You live in a house with no privacy and a violent man who enjoys terrorising you. All of this and your final year at uni. That is too much stress for anyone to deal with.
This may sound harsh but you are not responsible for your friend. They are, unfortunately, stuck with him. if they are contracted in and you are not. Check the contract, mine had a two month notice period. From the landlord's perspective, this time of year he should certainly be able to fill the rooms quickly.
But please leave.