Highly sensitive person?

passatrider

Ok, I admit it I'm a highly sensitive person. I've known this for years though so no great surprise to be honest. I've done the therapy route to help me deal with my issues, as it has caused me to lose jobs/relationships over the years.

Example:

I work in a retail environment as a driver for a charity. I've surprised myself as been there for nearly a year despite having a few bumps along the way.
However, lately my colleagues have started to get on my nerves with comments at work. I guess most of it is 'banter' but sometimes I don't
process it properly and think that person dislikes me. You know like snide comments in front of others.

Now, I'm intelligent enough to know that most of the time the other person does not mean it to be nasty, but when it happens more than once in a day then I get defensive. I don't like responding this way but that is how it makes me feel. I do try to stick up for myself but it gradually wears me down.

I like my job and do it well, it's just others seem to make it difficult for me despite my issues, or that's how I perceive it anyway. It does not help either that some people do not do their job properly either and ends up impacting back on us drivers.

Do you feel like this and how do you deal with being over sensitive?

PS. I'm a Gay male by the way;)

moneypuddle

I'm very sensitive too so probably not the best person to give advice, but just remember they are your colleagues, not your friends, so as long as what they are saying is not bullying, harrassment or unecessarily nasty, it's ok. Try to let it wash over you It's only work

Fire_Fox

What sort of banter/ snide comments are we talking about here, are they about your sexuality or is that a red herring? Can you have a quiet word with your supervisor/ line manager and ask them to have an informal chat with the others?

j.e.j.

passatrider wrote: »

Do you feel like this and how do you deal with being over sensitive?

So glad you posted this, - I was starting to think it's just me that feels that way!

I don't really have the answer, tbh, but I've a feeling it might be possible to use that sensitivity somehow and turn it into a positive thing. Maybe do some writing, or creative stuff, to help you process things?

There is a difference between knowing in theory that these people aren't your friends, and that it doesn't matter if they choose to spend their time b*tching and griping, and in reality actually not letting the negativity rub off on you and affect you personally.

I know you can't expect people to treat you with kid gloves, but equally how does one get thru the day when you're surrounded by what seem to be the most annoying, awful workmates :rotfl:

sassyblue

I can be over-sensitive so l sympathise. That said l know there's little you can do to make someone like you if they don't (or you feel they don't), and why would you want to waste time making someone like you? You'll only burn yourself out and then you might appear 'needy'.

I get negative comments everyday from a b*itchy work colleague, l co-run the business and he (it is a man!) doesn't like it because l'm half his age and am boss over him. Not that l am nasty or anything but l know why he does it - because he's insecure - and therefore it doesn't bother me. If you work out why they are saying it then remind yourself of their shortcomings when they are cheeky.

Why do you think your colleague is making comments? What are the comments? I think just raising an eyebrow and looking at the person who just made the comment but not saying anything is brilliant - it just lets their words hang in the air. Or you could say 'are you okay?' , 'have you got a problem with me?'..... puts them on the spot.

He or she just might be the sort of person who goes around saying outrageous things to annoy people, in which case SMILE, as you know everyone else they meet finds them an pathetic little tw*t aswell as you. TBH l often find this is the case with such people

If someone goes out of their way to upset me they will know about it but otherwise l totally ignore them. DON'T let yourself think that you are daft for not reacting, THEY are driving themselves mad you have completely blanked them, and they went to all that effort! :rotfl:

xx

Lady_Aga

Hi there,

Firstly, if there are any comments about your sexuality, then you should raise this with your HR department, as these kinds of comments will not be tolerated in a work environment. Your employer has a duty to provide a safe working environment, so it may be time for them to role out some diversity training.

I do understand how frustrating it can be, being worn down by ignorant, narrow-minded comments day after day. I quite often resort to ignoring the person, or looking them in the eye, and saying
'I found that remark to be offensive. Please do not say it again'
and then I leave the room. I guess if you are driving, then the ignoring them or saying that you have to concentrate on your driving may work.

Sometimes, someone is too far stuck in their ways and not want to change (Victor Meldrew/Hyacynth Bucket) so I just imagine how sad it must be for them to live such a bitter, controlling existance, lacking empathy.

I am surprised when colleagues who I have known for years, and happily chatted about gardening, telly, their children etc., suddenly come out with some racist or homophobic remark. It takes me aback. I usually react by asking them what they meant, or that the opinion they have just expressed is a bit 'old fashioned' these days, or that I am not interested in talking about sex with anyone. Thankyouverymuch.

Sometimes, the comments come from a place of curiousity, rather then malice. For example, I get asked how I can be an athiest, but still be great friends with a staunch catholic and a strict muslim. Because I have many gay friends means I must also be gay.

Anyway, I think I am waffling. I don't have any substantive answers, as we cannot choose our colleagues/clients, but I hope you find this board supportive.

doodlesmum

Firstly i agree with Lady Aga if these are aim at your sexuality then that is harassment and you dont have to tolerate that .

Me personally i would smile at them , completely change the subject ,something completly random to throw them and carry on with what you are doing.Best thing you can do is smile at them they will think oh that not reaction i was expecting .The smile and the subject change will stump them and drive them mad as they will realise you are not biting so to speak and the fun for them has gone. Good luck,i have a friend who is very sensitive so i can understand how you feel .

MissKeith

I think a lot of people who are bullies hide behind "it's only a joke" to justify the nasty things they say. Even though something is presented as a joke, it doesn't mean it hurts any less, in fact I think it hurts more because you end up feeling like you're being over sensitive. I had a group of "friends" who would do this to me at school and I felt bullied AND over sensitive. Now when I look back, their "jokes" were vile, hurtful remarks and I would never take them now, joke or no joke.

At the end of the day, if someone punches you as a joke, it still hurts, regardless of intention. Verbal "jokes" can be the same.

Bufger

have you asked your colleague if its just harmless banter or if they have an issue with you?

I often find sensitive people can project a jovial and banter full front so its difficult for the other people involved in the banter to realise they've hurt your feelings. If you also do this perhaps its worth toning down the general banter you put out there and letting them know certain banter isnt ok with you. It also helps if you dont take the pss out of yourself as that opens the door for it being ok for others (not saying you do this but if it keeps happening you might be).

I said Banter far too many times in that post

i'm not a gay male BTW (not sure why this bit should matter at all)

RosaBernicia

If you haven't already found the work of Elaine Aron who researches high sensitivity and wrote The Highly Sensitive Person, you may find this website useful http://www.hsperson.com/. Her book has made a real difference to my life - I am so glad I did buy it, the first couple of times I read bits and walked away as I was so freaked out at finding a book that seemed to exactly describe me!

I draw a very definite line between work and home because I find it helps me to just say 'they are colleagues, I don't have to like them and I am not obliged to support them in the same way I would friends'. Every time I have thought about changing my stance on this something happens to remind me why it's necessary - the last time was when I listened to a colleague going through a difficult time because she needed an ear to bend... then I was asked to be her manager. Of course there are people at work who I do think are great, but I still find it easier not to talk too much about my home life and to just get on with the job.

There could be all sorts of reasons why your colleagues make silly comments - frustration, jealousy, general idiocy - but I'm not sure you will be able to fix them so would focus on protecting yourself and enabling yourself to shrug it off as far as possible (though as others have said, if the comments are discriminatory or truly hurtful you should report them). Could you perhaps find a way of giving yourself some 'recharge' time, maybe reading at breaks or something?

Good luck

Rosa xx

fluffnutter

passatrider wrote: »

Ok, I admit it I'm a highly sensitive person.

...I've surprised myself as been there for nearly a year despite having a few bumps along the way....

... despite my issues...

It's always good to know yourself well, but are you sure you're not defining yourself by what you see as 'issues' when in reality you're just as normal (and complex) as the rest of us? It all sounds a bit self-limiting TBH. We're all of us a mixture of good and bad, neurotic and stable. If you keep defining yourself solely as a 'highly sensitive person' with 'issues' then that's how others will treat you.