Is this dodgy?

LondonDiva

Froom my perspective at work (please don't take this the wrong way), if these are scammers they tend to gain a foothold and are successful if the victim is lonely / isolated / not intergrated into a consistently reliable family and friend network.

I second the suggestions about being seen with your FIL in the club etc, but would also suggest that you all have a good look at the time you spend with him. What regular contact does he have with the family? Do his children / grandchildren call or email a couple of times a month, or is it really only holidays and birthdays?

What we have found is that sometimes elderly people know (or strongly suspect) they are being taken advantage of, but have made a decision to balance the regular company / interest of someone with a financial loss.

I'm not in any way suggesting that you are not actively present in your FIL's life, but the money aside, I think it is worth considering whether there is (in his perception), something lacking which joining a club, neighbours, old mates or Facebook (after a lot of reservations my grandmother is now on FB all the time liking posts from the young people in her church and posting random carp to me, her children and other grandchildren) could step in to fill.

Good luck - it's not an easy path trying to balance his right to make decisions (even wrong ones!) with your need to make sure he is safe and not hurt by chancers.

gibson123

He can make his own decisions, have a word with him about this and how these scams are well known and explain how concerned you all are. He may be shy but that does not mean he is a fool. Also I agree with others about making it known how well supported he is.

tori.k

On the other side of the coin, you don't know what your FIL been saying, My MIL would swear blind that nobody visit's her dispite that someone is there at least once a day usually more it's just most the time we are there to do a job for her rather than sit for an hour chat, get down the club and meet these people your gut feeling will tell you if they are on the take they could just think he's on his own, we are member's of a social club they are communities of there own and people tend to took after each other, but in saying that the holiday thing is totally weird and that would get anyones alarm bells going

jackyann

Just another perspective:
these people may not be after money, but after companionship and feeling needed. "cancelling a holiday" may just be changing their minds about a day trip somewhere to make them look more important.
The way in which they talk to your family makes me think this may be the case rather than financial scamming.
They still need to be watched carefully as they may be manipulative & draining; BUT telling them to "eff off" may have unintended consequences - I tend to favour the "showing the family" route. Reminds me of how girls always used to have a brother or male cousin "drop them off" on a first date, just to show what the would-be-suitor had to contend with!

ankspon

He has contact with his family everyday,there is always someone visiting or phoning.