My friends want to throw me a baby shower but...

AnonLB

My friends wants to throw me a baby shower which in itself is a lovely thought but is causing me a bit of .... well stress!

I'm due in about 6 weeks and I got an email today from two of my friends saying something along the lines of 'we'd like to throw you a baby shower in September. Please send us a guest list and we'll do all the work. What about a spa day, or hiring a floor in a cafe or restaurant, or anything else you might prefer?'

Its such a lovely thought, but I feel a bit embarassed! I don't have many friends and the thought of supplying a 'guestlist' is a bit laughable really. I would say I only have 3 close friends (and 2 are the ones who asked me about the baby shower in the third place). The third they don't know at all. Then my mum. Normally this doesn't bother me at all, but I just feel a bit awkward about kind of admitting I don't have many friends to my other friends.

I have 3 female relations that I could invite, so that takes us up to about 8 guests, but I think thats really about it, that I can *almost* guarantee would come. I've drifted apart from a lot of other friends I had in the past as they moved away etc and I'd feel a bit strange inviting them over and asking them to travel for maybe just a meal etc when we don't really stay in touch too much anymore.

Then its what to actually do. Has anyone else had a baby shower? Did you have a meal? spa day? Any other ideas?

(Just to stress the term 'baby shower' is actually a bit misleading - I don't want ANYONE to bring gifts at all and would make sure they knew this when invited, as its an American tradition that I am not at all keen on, but I do appreciate that my friends think it would be nice to have a little get together before the baby is born, even if I've not got a lot of people to actually 'get together')

I feel a bit of a freak to be honest. One of the friends who wants to organise it just invited 16 of her 'closest friends' to her hen do, so I think she's expecting a similar kind of guest list from me.

Am I in the minority? Rent-a-friend anyone?

suejb2

I agree with you completely I hate the idea of a baby shower but a get together would be fine but like you I could count on one hand the people I would like to be there so I saw no point and refused when the idea was suggested 9 and 7 years ago.Go with what you want and blame it on "hormones" if you want to get away without having one!

Person_one

If you don't want it, just decline graciously!

"Its a lovely thought, I'm really touched that you want to do something special for me, but I'd much prefer to just meet up for lunch, just us, and have a really good natter before the baby comes and I'm delirious from lack of sleep!"

I only have four women I would describe as truly close friends, people whose doorstep you could turn up on at four in the morning and they'd let you in without a word type of close.

balletshoes

If you'd like to spend the day with your 7 or 8 close friends and relatives, then let your friends organise the spa day for you.

If you'd really rather not do anything like that, then thank your friends very much for the thought, but then decline (or even suggest just the 3 of you do something nice together).

toniq

I had a baby shower,organised by some lovely mse compers, Some drove well over 2hrs to attend.We went to a local Carvery for a fab meal and chat and stayed till close.

I was really worried at first but thought what the heck it's a bit of fun!

I was given a sash to wear and the area were we sat (about 12 of us)was adorned with baby bunting,there was baby confetti and beads on table.

I'm very blessed as alot of these ladies won prizes for my baby,a travel system,clothes, etc. I didn't expect anything and accepting the gifts was hard.

I just took it as a kind gesture and a chance to meet some wonderful virtual mse friends for real. ( My journey to concieve by IVF had been shared by many on mse)

Maybe just go with the flow and say you don't have many people to invite and would you are happy with whatever they propose.

xxx

ellie1788

i know what you mean, im only 13 weeks pregnant and two of my friends mentioned it as soon as they found out, other than them, female family and the odd other person, i wouldnt have people to invite. I also dont want people to think i expect them to give me stuff for my baby.

I went to visit a friend earlier in the week to see her new baby and took a prezzie because i wanted to spoil him but we are best friends

meritaten

I agree with those who say to decline gracefully. Just say that you are a bit uncomfortable with a party idea at the mo and that you would prefer to be with a few 'close' friends for a nice meal.

I dont get this 'shower' thing - maybe because I dont party at the drop of a hat!

dundeediva

I would love a baby shower when I'm far enough along (only 8+4!) but I agree with the whole pressie thing, I wouldn't want that, I would want it to spend some time with my nearest and dearest together before baby comes along. I threw a baby shower for my friend a couple of years ago, we had it in my house (just round the corner from her) with about 8 people in total an I just made a giant pot of chilli and a cake and everyone tucked in. Nothing fancy, just the girls having a natter together. That's exactly what I want myself, I wouldn't want it to be out anywhere. I love the spa but can't use jacuzzi, steam room, hot tub, sauna etc when pregnant so I wouldn't like that. A meal somewhere close to you would maybe be nice?

Enjoy it though, whatever you decide to do, and don't feel embarrassed by the small guest list, it's not a wedding reception!! Just have who you love with you and whatever you do you will love it :)xx

MummyOfTwo

my bestie was uncomfortable with the whole concept, so in the end we all just went out for an afternoon tea together, on the condition there would be no pressies etc, just lovely female company and baby related chat. it was a fab afternoon with tons of cake- -win!

pinkclouds

Do you have male friends you could invite? Just because it's a baby shower doesn't mean it must be female only. Would you be happy with just the 3 friends - plus (or not) the female rellies? You could tell them you only want a small, intimate gathering. Would you be comfortable with "friends of friends" attending? Give them the one or two names for the guest list and ask them to invite whoever else they think would be compatible. (If it's a very girlie party type thing, then friends of friends would be happy to come along.) Alternatively, if none of the above suit you, then decline with thanks and invite them (plus the other close friend) to do something else e.g. afternoon tea party in a "pot luck supper" style (as in: everyone brings a random cake to share).

Good luck with the birth and try not to stress over the last 6 weeks - I know that you know it's bad for you and baby. A potential baby shower is only a big deal if you let it become a big deal to you.

kmmr

To be honest, what is wrong with 3 friends! Don't be embarassed, I think it's normal to have a reducing circle of friends as you get older, especially as you start to have kids.
I promise you will pick up a new set if you got to NCT classes! My friends with kids all have kept in touch with their NCT groups, I suppose as they have a lot in common, which 'old' friends may not understand.

Anyway! That was an aside. If it was me I would say - great idea, but I really would love if it was just us three (or 4 or whatever). I don't really want the stress of a party, but appreciate the thought and lets go to x,y,z spa/restaurant etc.

That is, if you do want to go. Otherwise I would simply cry off tired - it's a viable excuse when you are pregnant.