Can anyone help me help my father?

maman

I don't want to be presumtuous but I'm assuming your father is widowed and I don't know how long ago. Might he enjoy female company?

My BIL was widowed and decided after about 18 months that he couldn't face another lonely winter (had gardening etc to occupy him in summer). He joined a dating site. As he's a complete technophobe (and proud of it!!) he chose one where you put adverts in the local newspaper and they forward texts to you on your mobile. He was 70 in June. He hasn't looked back. he had loads of 'dates' for lunch, dinner, days out etc and is now in a steady relationship with one of the ladies.

Pennylane

maman wrote: »

I don't want to be presumtuous but I'm assuming your father is widowed and I don't know how long ago. Might he enjoy female company?

My BIL was widowed and decided after about 18 months that he couldn't face another lonely winter (had gardening etc to occupy him in summer). He joined a dating site. As he's a complete technophobe (and proud of it!!) he chose one where you put adverts in the local newspaper and they forward texts to you on your mobile. He was 70 in June. He hasn't looked back. he had loads of 'dates' for lunch, dinner, days out etc and is now in a steady relationship with one of the ladies.

I was going to suggest that too.:)

70 is no age these days is it? I'd also look into a walking group - they have them here and they're free and there's a walk on every single day somewhere in the area. More leisurely and informal than the Ramblers Assoc and walks range from 1 mile (for absolute begineers) to 5 miles. You can just tag along and you can chat to others or not (your choice). Check out on your local council website.

margaretclare

trumpton wrote: »

Has your dad considered swimming? Our baths is full of old folk, wading up and down or just standing in the water chatting. He will think he is exercising, but it's more socialising.

I know several people who wade up and down following back problems/back surgery. It's a way of strengthening the back and it is real exercise.

Standing in the water chatting - I detest this. We tried going to 'swimming in retirement' at our local sports centre. Although it's a 25-metre pool I need the shallow end but couldn't get near it because of all the people standing there just gossiping.

A few of the people who go to aqua-aerobics at a different sports centre annoy me because they just don't take it seriously. They get in late, get out early, and a few of them continue to gossip - I can hear them over the trainer's shouting and the disco-type music. I go for the exercise. They obviously go for something else.

However, there are a lot of people who go to that particular centre - it's LA Fitness - of all ages and they obviously do go there for the exercise. I applaud them! Real exercise does lift your mood by releasing endorphins - you feel more alive. Life is for living, when all's said and done. You cannot force someone else to do something they don't want to do.

jenniewb

maman wrote: »

I don't want to be presumtuous but I'm assuming your father is widowed and I don't know how long ago. Might he enjoy female company?

My BIL was widowed and decided after about 18 months that he couldn't face another lonely winter (had gardening etc to occupy him in summer). He joined a dating site. As he's a complete technophobe (and proud of it!!) he chose one where you put adverts in the local newspaper and they forward texts to you on your mobile. He was 70 in June. He hasn't looked back. he had loads of 'dates' for lunch, dinner, days out etc and is now in a steady relationship with one of the ladies.

Not widowed, he was divorced about 20 years ago. He has issues with women (ties in with his mental health) as friends I think he'd be fine but don't think he's out for a relationship. I wont go into depth here because its his issue and not for me to post online but safe to day women are not usually a good idea if past experiences are anything to go by (nothing wrong with the ladies, just his attitude/mindset).

kittydfw2012

Have you thought of a pet? Lots of rescue organisations could possibly offer an older dog or cat that wouldn't need huge amounts of exercise and care. They would also be able to rehome if your father couldn't continue to look after them. A pet provides a reason to get up in the morning, stroking them reduces blood pressure and walking a dog could be the motivation he needs to get out. Pets also much less pressure than people in my view, they're happy whether you're having an up or down day

jenniewb

kittydfw2012 wrote: »

Have you thought of a pet? Lots of rescue organisations could possibly offer an older dog or cat that wouldn't need huge amounts of exercise and care. They would also be able to rehome if your father couldn't continue to look after them. A pet provides a reason to get up in the morning, stroking them reduces blood pressure and walking a dog could be the motivation he needs to get out. Pets also much less pressure than people in my view, they're happy whether you're having an up or down day

See.... about 5 years ago I would have.

He used to have a cat. I wont go into all the details, the cat died of Cancer but things could have been done to reduce the suffereing and they were not done. Sadly I found out too late.
The cat in my view suffered unnessecarily and it makes me so sad to think about it. My sister agrees- its one of the few things we do actually agree on!
I will not allow him to have another animal if he cannot look after them properly. He looks after himself OK, spends a lot of money on himself and his meal plate but not the cat and I worry about this happening with other animals to the point that I think I'd call the RSPCA if he wanted another animal.

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EDIT!!

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Just realised how harshly that comes across! He wasn't nasty or mean or deliberatly cruel to the cat, he was in just some sort of denial and didn't act soon enough or take it seriously enough for whatever reason, I do have questions he wont answer about that but it probably looks a really much more terrible then it may actually be, its just my experience and as he wont talk about it I don't have anything else to go on.

Rochdale_Guy

My line of work that. Or for another 3 months til they make us redundant

Try Age Concern, now known as "AgeUK".

http://www.ageuk.org.uk/london/ and http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

Or have you heard of the Southwark Circle?

http://www.southwarkcircle.org.uk/