Can my mum get a grant or interest free loan to convert her bathroom?

Mojisola

Mindless_Clone wrote: »

I assume we will still have a choice whether my parents go into residential care though?

I can tell you that they will never ever go into residential care all the while one of us is capable of looking after them.

They will have a choice but don't be starry-eyed about easy it is to look after someone as they age. It isn't always just a case of making cups of tea and doing some washing/cooking/cleaning. Sometimes it is and good on you if you're able to cope with being a 24/7 carer. I know what an impact it can have on your life and health.

Would either of your parents want one of their children to have to get up in the night for the third or fourth night in a row, strip off soiled bedlinen, wash them down in the shower and get them back into a clean bed? Old age and illnesses can bring about very undignified situations that are better handled by trained people.

Mindless_Clone

Barneysmom wrote: »

Try the council route, if you get no joy there has either of them been in the forces?
If so get in touch with SAAFA, they will help..

Just give them a ring (in fact I'd say these guys are better than the council)

http://www.ssafa.org.uk/

Thank you, I will.

Mojisola wrote: »

They will have a choice but don't be starry-eyed about easy it is to look after someone as they age. It isn't always just a case of making cups of tea and doing some washing/cooking/cleaning. Sometimes it is and good on you if you're able to cope with being a 24/7 carer. I know what an impact it can have on your life and health.

Would either of your parents want one of their children to have to get up in the night for the third or fourth night in a row, strip off soiled bedlinen, wash them down in the shower and get them back into a clean bed? Old age and illnesses can bring about very undignified situations that are better handled by trained people.

Your posts here are actually quite frustrating and coming across rather negative to me.
We're well aware of the realities of caring for an elderly person because we're already doing so. Since you have no comprehension of her full health issues, or knowledge of the care she needs at the moment, I don't think you can comment or speculate on how her health may or may not develop in future, but I can assure you, no matter how bad it gets, she's not going into a home. We're already handling all those lovely undignified situations you're so keen to point out to me and there's not a starry eye one among us. We do it because we love her, simple as. After all, she did it all for us once upon a time. My mum is quite happy with this, and we are quite happy to continue doing it. I am not saying it's easy (it isn't and she's very frustrating at times) but it's what we all want.
You don't really seem to have anything constructive to say here; your contributions to the thread don't seem to have much basis in answering my initial question, which was about financial support to adapt the home to meet her needs and how we could access it. I've had lots of helpful replies here so far but, sadly, yours cannot be included among them.
You are, of course, free to reply to this if you wish, but I won't be responding to you further, nor reading any contributions you make here so you may as well save yourself the trouble.

Mojisola

Mindless_Clone wrote: »

Your posts here are actually quite frustrating and coming across rather negative to me.

Realistic rather than negative. I cared for my mother until she recently died and will carry on doing so for my father as long as I can - and as long as he wants me to.

I have seen so many carers commit themselves to "never putting Mum or Dad in a care home" and making themselves ill because they hadn't realised the effect 24/7 caring has on a person. In some cases where the move to residential care became essential, the carers have taken a long time to get over the guilt they feel in not being able to keep their promise.

I have seen some elderly people kept in situations at home that were far from ideal because their family felt they would be judged by others if their parent went into care.

I always advise carers to be realistic about what is sustainable in the long term and be willing to adapt to whatever is best for the person being cared for. Their needs have to take priority.

The people who had posted before me suggested releasing equity, trying for council grants and getting the OTs involved - all of which I would have suggested but there was no point in me repeating the points. I did suggest the help with bathing and getting your MP involved and talking to AgeUK. Sorry if that wasn't positive enough.

Savvy_Sue

Mindless_Clone wrote: »

I assume we will still have a choice whether my parents go into residential care though?

<snip>

Thanks again everyone. No my brothers are not over 60... not for another 10 years anyway, but who knows how long my mum will live for, maybe they will be then.

<snip>

As I say, I have no objections to paying back money if it's an affordable amount; I just don't want us to be hit with a whammy when the time comes and then be forced to sell when we don't want to.

Yes, you'll have a choice, but those who are able and willing to pay will always have more choice. So, if an assessment by the council says your mum needs X hours of care, and your parents can be expected to pay £y per hour for this, that's all they'll get UNLESS someone is willing to pay for X+ hours and maybe pay more than £y for regular and reliable help.

I was trying to post last night but my connection failed: what Mojisola said is true, the burden of caring can cause serious health and emotional problems for those doing the caring, and there may come a time when it's no safe or possible to keep someone at home, however much anyone or everyone may want that. There are too many 'what if's to say that you'd never do this, that or the other. What if your brothers fall in love and want to get married and move out, to give one of the cheerful ones? It happens, even at an advanced age!

Now is the time for your parents to get good specialist advice and do some advanced planning. As a minimum I'd suggest making sure their wills reflect their intentions, and looking into Power of Attorney - look for that on the DirectGov site.

Mojisola

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

Now is the time for your parents to get good specialist advice and do some advanced planning. As a minimum I'd suggest making sure their wills reflect their intentions, and looking into Power of Attorney - look for that on the DirectGov site.

I was trying to be helpful and draw some of these potential problems to MC's attention.

We've had some sad posts on here recently where families have got into a mess by doing something that looked like good planning but they hadn't taken all possible eventualities into account. It's bad enough to have to cope with grief when someone dies without also worrying about the possibility of other family members losing their home.

Understanding the rules and making good advance planning can prevent a lot of heartache. AgeUK will have advisors who can help you.

margaretclare

I am sorry you have reacted so negatively to what Mojisola and SavvySue have written. Both of them know, from practical experience, just what is involved. They may not know your mum personally (obviously they can't) but they really have 'been there, seen it, done it and got the T-shirt'.

Your original question was 'can I/we get a grant to convert a bathroom?' Just where did you suppose such a grant might come from? Instead of posting on this forum, might it not have been an idea to pick up the phone and make an initial enquiry to your local council, if that was where you hoped the grant might come from? It would have been a lot simpler. You'd have got a straight yes or no. Other than that, a loan from the bank - that might have been the second idea, using the house value as collateral. A third idea: if either/both of them had ever been involved with HM Forces, one of the Forces charities, SSAFA was suggested. All good solid ideas, rather than reacting with fury to suggestions made in the light of bitter personal experience.

Savvy_Sue

To be fair, I have no actual experience of caring for someone with serious problems, but I have heard all about DH's maternal grandmother and the difficulties of growing up with her in the family home. And I'm well aware of how hard it is to get help in a hurry, if it's needed. And in one way I'm arming myself with knowledge ...

MIL says she'd like someone to shoot her if she goes the same way as her mother. We're watching FIL develop dementia, and I just wish that MIL would make enquiries about what help is available in their area. But she says they're fine, they don't need help, and FIL wouldn't accept it anyway. I don't know if that will change when she feels she can't leave him at all: they go most places together but she does have a couple of regular outings on her own. When she's out, FIL doesn't know where she's gone, can't find the notes she leaves him to say where she's gone, doesn't find the meal she leaves for him if she's out for lunch.

It's a real worry.

margaretclare

SavvySue, I don't know which is worse, your FIL slipping into dementia or the OP's mum's completely physical problems. They are both awful. Me, I don't think I'd want anyone near and dear to me having to do the things that have been described in the posts above. I think I'd prefer the professionals - at least there's a degree of anonymity and you don't get the same person, exhausted, 24/7, week in week out. Not that there is anyone close to me who could or would do such things and I'm quite glad that there's no one who would feel obligated to take on such a task. To say that you do it because you love someone begs the question - is this really in her best interests? OP's Mum cannot move, cannot go anywhere except by ambulance, has to be physically moved - is it really doing the best for her to try to do the things that have been described?

As the OP's Mum is under the care of the 'elderly team' wouldn't they be the best people to ask about grants for conversion of bathroom etc?