Real-life MMD: Am I baking up the wrong tree?

vinegarqueen

I bake cakes, pies,scones etc for colleagues regularly. I ask for a donation to our school's chosen charity which some try to get out of but I always catch them. Try this.

snazzyru

why not have a birthday pot?

I'm sure colleagues wouldn't mind putting in just £1 for someone's birthday and that would cover all your costs and they'd get a delicious slice of cake for a bargainous price.

there is no point you struggling just for the sake of being polite.

I bake too and am learning to ask/accept offer of donations to cover the costs despite the fact would do it for love of baking anyway.

JayD

I think I agree with the first comment made.
Make the next birthday cake as per usual but then announce that it will be the last one now because although you enjoy making them very much, you can't keep up with the cost of the ingredients.

You can then add a rider that if everyone would like you to carry on making birthday cakes for everyone, maybe there could be a cake kitty set up to offset your costs.

To only make cakes for your closest friends at work could lead to a bit of disharmony but you could make very little individual ones to give them privately as gifts to take home maybe?

Stray_Stig

Had to reply on this as I had the same dilemma ish. At work we buys cakes if its our birthday and sometimes just because.....
Anyway I think you should stop as it becomes expected which is wrong. If you want to do it for close friends then do that as thats what i do. If i feel like baking i'll take some in but one colleague turned around and said you have'n't bought cakes in for a while its about time you did. Well the cheek of it. I said in not so many words I have a child now who takes up my time because he is more important and we do bake together but i also take him to clubs and work often 6 days a week. Infact my time is now precious so if i bake its because i want toand its a treat for work. I told him to get off his backside and bake himself to which he sad I can't. I told him to learn then.
The ingredients are expensive so do it for close friends and the others can sort themselves out. I would suggest that you just tell people you are not making their birthday cakes anymore as times are hard.

41_and_i_know_it

Ask for a volunteer to make a cake for you. No takers, then you have the ideal reply when they ask you to make one. Tough love.

milvusvestal

By the sound of it, your efforts are being taken very much for granted - though maybe that's not surprising, given your willingness to make cakes without being asked.

Next time, why not simply say "If anyone wants a cake for so-and-so's birthday, put something in the kitty", and put a container for loose change and banknotes under their noses. Most people will contribute and, that way, you should have enough for the ingredients for more than one cake, which should cover energy costs too. You might have to do that every so often, when funds run short, but at least your colleagues will be reminded occasionally that they don't get something for nothing, unless it's THEIR special day, and that home cooking is so much better than anything off a supermarket shelf.

41_and_i_know_it

Here is a little idea now I have had time to think:
Get clubcard or similar loyalty card which you use for business purchases or employees petrol. Collect points, coupons, deals whatever. When someones bday etc decide either to buy ingredients or cake from shop and split bill, if someone makes cake they get paid a certain amount to cover labour, time and energy. With collected points can either buy ingredients or exchange for days out for everyone etc.
If too much hassle for you then just make cakes on macmillan coffee morning and encourage others too then you can charge and donate a certain percentage to charity.

pennypinchUK

So why don't you just say "Okay, it's someone else's turn now." If anyone takes offence they should look at themselves rather than you.

As ever, these "dilemmas" dissolve as soon as you talk to people. It's not rocket science.

TBagpuss

I think the sugegstion to bake one final (non-birthday) cake, and then either speak to people or send an e-mail round (depending on the size and culture of your office) to say that while you've liked seeing people enjoy your cakes, you are finding the cost and the time involved in making so many to be too much, so you won't be making them routinely in the future.

That leaves you the option of baking 'surprise' cakes as and when you feel like it, but reducs the expectation.

Rather than asking for contributions I think I would leave it to others to raise that. If someone says "will you bake me a cake if I cover the costs?" you can then decide on a cake-by-cake basis, which should stop you feeling taken for granted. If you do do that, I would suggest that you set a flat cost which is enough to cover the ingredients and extra gas/electricity - it's still likely to be cheaper (and nicer) than buying a commercially made cake, but if you feel that you are not donating anything other than your time, you are less likely to feel taken for granted, and if you keep it on a case-by-case basis you break the pattern of being assumed to be willing to bake every single time - if you don't want to do one, you can simply say 'sorry, I don't have time' to that specific request.

I don't see any need to wait until the end of the year, or after the next birthday (unless that's tomorrow!) Everyone has been getting a share of each cake each time, so there is nothing 'unfair' about stopping mid year, and even if thre were, no-one is entitled to free cake.

(re: office habits - in one office I worked in, evryone put a set amount of money in each time someone had a birthday,. When it was your birthday, you got the kitty, and bought cakes for everyone. The cakes usually worked out to cost about 1/2 the 'kitty' so everyone got cake and the birthday person got some cash to treat themselves. It was much better than getting a small committee-chosen gift, and as the costs were spread it meant that even the office junior could afford to buy cakes without it being to big a chunk of money to find all at once. No one had to join it, but if you didn't give, you didn't get.

In my current office the birthday person buys or brings cake, and from time to time someone will buy or bring something 'just because'. I like to bake so will sometimes bring in cake, but I avoid doing it on a birhday to make sure that I don't create expectations that might get annoying.

CastlesAndCake

As a student I finding baking cakes in the stead of giving birthday presents a great alternative, as it is cheaper than buying gifts and people appreciate the effort more. However, I only bake for those I would otherwise buy a present for and I do it in 'social time' rather than take cake to class as it's not very diplomatic. I would suggest you stick to celebrating the birthdays of your colleagues outside of work hours as to cause less offence if you do choose to only bake for close friends. Otherwise I would stop all together, despite you enjoying baking, if there is not a tactful way to explain your cut back (and I'm not one for asking for donations) only bake for your family or do one big event like organising a Macmillan Coffee Morning and get others to bring in cakes as well and leave it at that