Real-life MMD: Am I baking up the wrong tree?

Sooler

Make one that tastes foul and makes people sick, they'll never want one of your cakes ever again.

Maat

Almost every time I see one of these 'money moral dilemma' threads I find myself thinking 'why don't they just talk to these people?' That's the answer here too.

Simply be open about the issue. Tell or email your colleagues about it and explain how this is getting to be a financial issue for you and, while you enjoy doing such a lovely thing for them, you can't keep doing it unless people are prepared to contribute. Maybe everyone could give a small donation at the beginning of the year to cover all the cakes for that year. Or maybe whoever is having the birthday could give you the money for it.

Of course the former suggestion means you'd always have to do it, and the latter does seem rather commercial, but your colleagues will probably have other ideas.

I think it's always best to be open about things. You've given and given in this regard and I'm sure your colleagues really appreciate what you've done for them and will try to find a solution for you. How about a voucher for the place you do most of your shopping?

Good luck, I hope you get this sorted out.

Sue

tindella

You're clearly too NICE! Explain that you love baking but the ingredients are getting more and more expensive. Then if people really want you to bake, they'll contribute. If they don't offer to contribute they were taking you for a ride - and they will be found out!

happyinflorida

Can you afford to pay for all the cakes? How many are we talking about here as you don't mention this?

Does everyone buy presents for everyone on their birthday, so is this your way of giving them a present - which everyone gets something from, including yourself?

If yes, are you spending the same or more than everyone else or less? If it's less, you're saving money then aren't you and benefitting from the "present" you're giving them!

If you're asking because you can no longer afford to do this - then of course stop - just let everyone know first that you can't afford to do this anymore - I'm sure they'll understand and if they don't they're not real friends and stuff them.

rinabean

Why are people calling the asker's coworkers selfish? All we know is this person has taken it upon themselves to bake cakes (which is fine) and is now finding it too expensive (which is also fine). If the coworkers want cake, when asked to contribute they will. If they don't then they won't. But speaking to your own coworkers is apparently too difficult? The only person who has been even suggested to not comport themselves like a reasonable and good-natured adult is the asker, who is coming across like some kind of passive-aggressive martyr who doesn't actually have any way to communicate with the coworkers they're baking cakes for. It's a ridiculous question and a whole bunch of ridiculous responses. If you don't want to bake cakes for people, for whatever reason, then don't. It really is as simple as that.

chiljam

Hi. I am another baker of cakes for my team. My motivation is that I love to bake but live alone so having a really yummy cake in my house is risk to my waistline as well as my pocket - therefore I take them to work. I get the slice of cake I wanted, the team get to eat the rest and I get lots of satisfaction from seeing my friends and colleagues enjoy the results of my labours. Yes, I do make the birthday cakes for our team but that is my contribution to their celebration. Admittedly my team is relatively small but outside of birthday days, I only make cakes when I feel like it. This means I only make them when I feel the need to bake & have the resources to afford it. It is not scripted by anyone else and I suspect I am the one who gets the most pleasure out of the activity. It also means that I am seriously missed when I go on leave as no-one else bakes and the cakes are a welcome relief from the general tenor of our work. I can't tell you how to manage the expectations of others but I would say to bake for your own satisfaction and when it suits you. You sound like a generous person and perhaps your team need to realise just how generous if it is causing you financial hardship. Personally, I equate my costs this way: if I go into a cafe or restaurant and want a single slice of cake, it is likely to cost me from £2 - £4. More if you add in the cafe latte I would need to have with it. This is what I aim to spend on my entire cake contribution to the team. So, I get a slice of cake that I know is good, the joy of making it and my team seem to enjoy my efforts so it is win/win for us both. Good luck whatever you decide to do but don't give up on the baking - even if the weaning process is a bit tricky.

pippinpuss

As far back as I can remember it's the person who's birthday it is job to bring in cakes.

stir_crazy

I would ask your workmates whether they would like you to continue baking for them. If so, would they be prepared to help subsidise your costs - it needn't be much if split between the team.

Gemsie

We bring in cakes when it's our own birthday. However, once people in work cottoned onto the fact I baked mine, rather than bought some from a shop, I started to get requests! We came to a deal whereby the people who would shop-buy now give me the money and also get their choice of cake to be baked. Perhaps you could do something similar?

snowleopard61

Arthog wrote: »

Stop doing it at the end of this year - not too long to wait. So each colleague has had their birthday cake for this year. Neat and tidy solution!

This. It avoids the awkwardness of appearing to slight any individual.

I'm another who has always thought it quite strange that the birthday person is expected to buy cakes for the rest (if at all) rather than the other way around, although I agree that's the norm.

It's completely reasonable for the OP to call a halt to the birthday cakes and (if, and only if, asked) explain that she can't afford to continue - but personally I feel it would be much cheekier on her part to ask for a contribution than it is for her colleagues to take for granted the cake tradition which she's established of her own accord.

If the OP then feels kind enough to bring cakes in very occasionally for no particular reason (I sometimes do) I'm sure people would be surprised and delighted.