Flying solo

Rainbow_Bridge

Hi Robin,

Are these conditions usual for this time of year, or is this an exceptionally severe storm?

I am pleased that you are now able to contact the world via the internet!

Thinking of you xx.

*Robin*

Hello RainbowBridge, :hello:

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

Are these conditions usual for this time of year, or is this an exceptionally severe storm?

Hmm, the weather is changing, that's for sure. I have a friend in the village - a birthday twin - who told me that when he was a boy, the river ran all year and the climate was much more temperate; nobody needed an irrigation system to keep their gardens alive through the summer.
When I first arrived the river dried up in July and August, and the boom industries were building roads and digging wells. There were plenty of wet days in the winter, but it was unusual for the river to flood more than once.
Now, the summers are hotter and rain is vanishingly rare between May and September. But the winters are much wetter, with long storms such as the one we're in the middle of now, very frequent between November and March.
It's colder too; there was great excitement in the village about five years ago when, for the first time in living memory, a roadside puddle froze over. A constant stream of people went to look at this first patch of ice..

Anyone who believes global warming is a myth should spend a year here and talk to the old folks about how much the climate has changed since their youth.

Rainbow_Bridge wrote: »

I am pleased that you are now able to contact the world via the internet!

As am I, believe me!

Rainbow_Bridge

Thanks Robin, everything is so unpredictable these days, if fact that seems to be the only thing that can be relied upon.

TTFN xxxx.

*Robin*

4am. On the surface, people must look at me and think to themselves "she's coping well" and I do nothing to change their perception, because one doesn't, does one? Stiff upper lip and so on - although that mantra is from my parents' generation, not the swinging sixties [and seventies] that shaped my attitudes. We let it all hang out, and maybe that's what I'm doing here, because I don't want to upset my kids and RL friends?

The truth is, I'm lonely. One of DH's last gifts was a Sky set-up which at the time I thought was an unnecessary extravagance but recently has given the illusion of company, as the tv programmes roll on through the long evenings, and during rainy days too. Mostly not watched closely, just there in the background filling the silence. I leave it on when I fall asleep too (it turns off automatically after sixty minutes).
Lately I've been waking from bad dreams an hour or so later; all to do with loss of one kind or another. Every night. So here I am, telling the world; maybe it's an attempt to break the spell?

I could go and wash up - one of the saddest things about living alone after being used to a busy household is that one can go ages before washing up becomes essential; we used to host dinners for up to a couple of dozen people so there's no shortage of pans, plates or cutlery. Don't worry, it's not that bad yet - five days maybe - but I used to clean the whole kitchen after each meal, or at least every day if the ME made it impossible to do it immediately.
It upset DH to see the place untidy. Now it doesn't matter, especially as the current weather makes the prospect of visitors exceedingly unlikely.

Just had a look at the forecast. With any luck we are due a day without rain, but on Sunday both thunderstorms and snow are predicted. That will be fun. Maybe my eight day run of NSDs should be broken by an attempt to get out [STRIKE]tomorrow[/STRIKE] later this morning? I do need more materials for my construction project, and really must attempt to bring home the old dogs.

Tenant One has paid his rent - although he's stopped communicating and I'm beginning to suspect that he may have sub-let DH's flat. There's nothing I can do about it for now, except be grateful that I can afford half a ton of cement to give the van a decent chance of getting back up the hill.

It sounds like a plan. I've put on the water, and will wash up when it's hot. I'll have a look round and see how everyone else is getting on while I wait.

Thanks for listening, folks; your watching support is invaluable (5.25am - feel much better now)

ani_26

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, Robin.xx Real life people have lives of their own, don't they? Look how well so and so is coping? Well, actually, i'm not. Why should i be? I bumped into someone i was very friendly with 25 years ago, yesterday. Their partner had died a few months ago. I knew they were dying, ( of an aggressive cancer.) I made them cry by my responses. Why not? You have to talk about these things. Why brush it under the carpet? It just goes to show, it doesn't matter how healthy the lifestyle you have lived, or however much money you have, money can't buy a "cure " for loneliness? Or some illnesses? Money just makes life easier, along the way?

*Robin*

Hello Diary, :hello:

Yesterday the Creator gifted me a perfect calm day with blue skies, bright sunshine and smiles. I made the most of it..
Ballast for the van, construction materials and fresh veg loaded; thoughts turned to the problem of the old dogs - at the very same moment that a willing, strong assistant appeared. He carried Blind Dog across the scary bridge - and now my doggy family are all back together, at home. :smileyhea

Then followed a frantic couple of hours; transforming posts, wire and fencing into the second half of a safe enclosure, which was completed as dusk fell. Was too exhausted to cook so just fed the dogs, lit the stove and fell into bed.

Up again at four am. Restless dogs wanted to check out the garden and watch the sliver of old moon as it set; Space Station apparently close by, gleaming in the moonlight..
The wind was rising so it soon got too cold for me to share their vigil. Instead, I turned on the PC and ordered a charity gift in thankfulness for a day that had gone so well. :heartsmil

Now, the next storm is looming. Ominous grey and silver clouds are racing low overhead; beyond them horsetails high, high above are dancing in the firmament. Trees are waving back and forth in what keen sailors would describe as a stiff breeze.

Today's task is to try and sort out poor old Blind Dog; he desperately needs a bath - which is not a task to be relished. Especially not working alone when horribly sore, stiff and ME'd after driving in those fence-posts yesterday.

Still, I'd better get on with the preparations - while sending out :lovethoug help please :lovethoug vibes to my nearest and dearest - hoping someone turns up!

ani_26 wrote: »

I'm sorry you are feeling lonely, Robin.xx Real life people have lives of their own, don't they? Look how well so and so is coping? Well, actually, i'm not. Why should i be? I bumped into someone i was very friendly with 25 years ago, yesterday. Their partner had died a few months ago. I knew they were dying, ( of an aggressive cancer.) I made them cry by my responses. Why not? You have to talk about these things. Why brush it under the carpet? It just goes to show, it doesn't matter how healthy the lifestyle you have lived, or however much money you have, money can't buy a "cure " for loneliness? Or some illnesses? Money just makes life easier, along the way?

Ani, you won't cure your pain by spreading it around. I am so glad I was not the grieving friend you forced into public tears yesterday. Anyone who did that to me at the moment - being in the same position as your mate - would not see me again for a long time.
Luckily, as we are virtual amigos I am not upset, and may be able to pass on one or two insights that could help you to save your friendship - twenty five years is a lot to throw away because of a brief lack of empathy. :think:

I am curious as to how you chose your user-name, Ani - do you know what it means? Will pm you later, once I've achieved something useful with such physical energy as I possess today.


..Ah, must go; think my :lovethoug is about to be answered.

ani_26

*Robin* wrote: »

Ani, you won't cure your pain by spreading it around. I am so glad I was not the grieving friend you forced into public tears yesterday. Anyone who did that to me at the moment - being in the same position as your mate - would not see me again for a long time.

Maybe it's my unfortunate ani speak, yet again? I was actually feeling hugely sympathetic towards you. x It was early in the morning, and i was there.

Maybe that is a "mis" phrase? I didn't force someone into tears, as much as put my foot in it? I hadn't seen them for a very long time, so i asked how their partner was, yes, knowing they were very ill. It's a natural question isn't it? and one i'm sure you will be asked at some point? I shouldn't have asked how they were? When they said they had passed away, ( which creates floods of tears,) i said how sorry i was. What else can you say, because i AM sorry. So we were both in tears and i gave them a hug. Nothing more, nothing less, because i remember them how they were, ( very fit and active.)

Luckily, as we are virtual amigos I am not upset, and may be able to pass on one or two insights that could help you to save your friendship - twenty five years is a lot to throw away because of a brief lack of empathy. :think:

I probably won't even see them again. Lack of empathy. That is sad.


I know only too well what is like to lose loved ones, which is why i have no loved ones left. My parents " had me" at a mature age, 50 ish, and my "close" family have passed away, which is why i'm so alone. There's probably an odd cousin floating around somewhere, but we were never a close family. As a child, i always wanted to be part of a large loving family. In fact, i still do. The sort who met for big family events. The sort who loved each other, but we don't live in a perfect world?

I am curious as to how you chose your user-name, Ani - do you know what it means? Will pm you later, once I've achieved something useful with such physical energy as I possess today.

As a matter of interest, i had no idea what it means. It would appear there are lots of different meanings. Choosing my name wasn't that contrived. It just had a personal meaning to me. As simple as that.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Robin I'm so sorry you are feeling lonely and more so that I was selfish enough to only read my own diary yesterday and not yours. I may not have made you feel any better but I would have been there with virtual hugs and a cup of hot chocolate (with cream, marshmallows and flakes - s0d the diet!).

As has been said before, you have a lovely way with words. Perhaps you could fill your hours putting pen to paper? You have experienced so much in your life, I'm sure you have lots you could write about. You are 'girl power' in it's truest form and a likely heroine for readers young and old.

I hope the bad dreams cease soon, but I'm sure they are all part of the grieving process.

Much love Xx

chevalier

I too find it very difficult to ask for help.

Robin does your family know you have ME? The only reason I ask is that they seem to think that you can cope with moving to another country, sorting out a house, managing what is it 4 dogs now? without much regular support or even phone calls?

I would be very upset if my elderly relatives struggled on alone, without asking. And I am amazed that no one offered to help with the fencing. I have had friends with ME and I would always ask if they needed help with a task like this....

chev

ani_26

Robin, the only reason i posted on your diary, was because you posted on mine. I simply don't have the courage to post on peoples diaries, for fear of rejection, (believe it or not.) I wouldn't bother to post if i didn't care, because that's the sort of person i am, (believe it or not.)

It seems to me you are in danger of doing what i have done? Isolating? Stiff upper lip? I've done that for so long now. Oh, they can cope. They are strong? Yeah right. There is no shame in grieving. There is no shame in crying. It's all part of a process. I cry all the time. I wish i didn't, but it's part of my illness?. But no, i've never been ashamed to cry. Don't they say it's strong people who show their emotions? Strong people who are not afraid to cry? But your family will think you are weak if you cry? So what? It's a grieving process. You have the support. Make use of it? Or isolate? Like me and that pain you criticise.