How you cope with frivolous family?

bluebag

When the eight of them turn up at your house expecting to be fed, suggest you all put in a pot and go for a takeaway, a bit more expensive than homemade but you will at least have some contribution to the food.

If you think that might be diffucult then put some of the cheapest white sliced jam sandwiches out and a pot of tea, don't say a word just serve it up with a smile. ( I can guarantee an akward silence)

As another poster has said, you can't do anything about other peoples spending habits, it's like trying to turn back the tide with a teaspoon. Hopeless! save yourself.

pleasedelete

These are the parents you owe money to? Who are frivolous?

HMMM.

How did you get so much debt when you don't own a house? I assume your wife had a good job before children. You earn a decent whack. What was the large santander loan for and can whatever it was be sold? Santander do a lot of high value car finance - do you have an expensive car?

Th1984

Hi,

Thanks again for all the replies, some really good tips here, will have a chat with DW when My boy goes to bed. To answer a few points made.

It is my dad I owe money to (who is retired and financially stable and sensible), completely separate from my mum and step dad who live beyond their means (also the MIL & FIL as well but they don't stay with us as they live close enough to go home for food)

as for where the debt comes from, very good question to be honest. I am now on roughly £70kish p/a. I always knew I would get there so had no qualms about borrowing for anything and everything. Fast car (sold for a loss for something more economical when DS came along) nights out, lads weekends away, all put on CC's which the banks cried out to give me, a young single professional. whenever I hit the limit then I would get a cheap consolidation loan and start again.

Now I am in my mid twenties and have a child who depends on me and one on the way. It is not a way to live anymore, hence why I have started my way on my way to DF. Bargainbetty has given me a massive ray of hope, will have a closer look at the snowballing later this eve, 2 years would be awesome!

The ultimate goal, to be able to buy a house by 30. Pay down my debt to 0 and then cash in my shares + savings as my deposit.

Racheldevon

In terms of the children's classes/activities, it's worth knowing that you can attend the range of services and activities at your local sure start children's centre. These provide free groups/classes etc for all families with children under 5, and every community has access to their services. You can also attend any centre you like.

Cupcake_Princess_2

You really can get your supermarket budget down. We are a family of 4, my boys are 28 months and 8 months (both in nappies) and we have got our weekly shop down from £150/ week to £70.00. I didn't think it was possible until I spent time on the old style board but now it's easy!

I can also highly recommend aldi nappies, just as good as pampers and half the price!

mildredalien

As other posters have said, you are in the good position of being able to tighten your belt just a little, keep an eye on your spending and pay off your debts within 2 years. Perhaps as DW isn't working she could keep a spending diary and check out exactly what you are spending? Figure out exactly where that £400 a month on groceries goes, try the downshift challenge, see if coffees or treats or bits and bobs are eating into the spare £185 that should be going towards your debts. Maybe she could look into doing surveys, mystery shopping or other activities to bring a bit of extra money in?

Just a couple of things - I'd put money into an emergency fund. Money you save tightening up on your outgoings could be wiped out if something breaks - even if you just put £20 a month away that's a little pot you can dip into for things rather than eating into your money that you want to use to pay off your debts.

If you want to really get it paid off ASAP (after all you'll have so much money left after you pay off your debts it'll be like having a whole 2nd income!) there are areas you could tighten up on. £50 every month on haircuts is a lot although you said you think this is an overestimation. Date night is important but check out deal vouchers, groupon and offers to get the best bang for your buck.

Also you mention savings - I assume this is the plan for after the debt is paid off and you don't have savings now?

As for your frivolous family members, as hard as it may be just bite the bullet and say 'no'! Ask that they let you know if they are going to descend on you, and chip in for food or bring some groceries when they do. Explain that you want to be in a position to buy a house and you need every last penny to be able to do that, so you will need their help to stick to your budget.

faceuptoit

The way you posted your SOA kind of reminded me of myself. I earn a good wage and if I tightened my belt I could pay off my debt quickly, much more quickly than I am now. But there's always a reason not to - always a reason why something which seems like frivolity to most people is actually necessity to me.

I think it's because my friends and colleagues don't go without anything. It's hard for me to accept that if I don't embrace drastic changes and a cut in my standard of living, it will take me much longer to pay off my debt.

These would be my suggestions on your SOA:
Get rid of Sky ASAP, switch to free view
Get rid of second car (if wife isn't working anyway surely it's not needed, ESP with her parents just up the road)
Cut down on groceries, even factoring in baby stuff it's really high
Your car insurance seems really high. At 22 I was paying £350 (in the south east)
Car maintenance also seems pretty high
Are you selling old clothing on eBay to cover purchases?
Pet insurance seems high too. We pay £10 a month for dog
Date nights could be at home

I think significant savings can be made on your SOA but it would entail a drop in lifestyle - you need to decide whether that's for you. If its not, you'll get the debt paid off anyway, but not at the pace you want perhaps.

themull1

You can't afford date night, and if you stop paying for baby classes, that would be £135 extra straightaway.

£100 for clothes? get second hand off ebay. You could easily cut that right down.

There are loads of places you can take a toddler thats free, so maybe look for that.

bargainbetty

I'm glad my message gave you a bit of a boost - it's horrible staring down that road for so long, and finding ways to shorten it can help dramatically!

If you do decide to make savings by cutting back in places (visit the Old Style Board for fab recipes and money-saving hints on household stuff) you could make little overpayments, but first I would echo the idea of an emergency fund, just a few hundred quid, to handle the 'oh b*gger' moments in life. Once it reaches a certain point that you are comfortable with, use the savings to make little overpayments on things instead.

If you have the space, a vegetable plot would help massively with your food budget, once it gets going. And your kids would have lovely fresh veggies too! I'd start with pots growing chillis and herbs - you could even trade them with people and they make great gifts. Don't turn up with a bottle of wine for dinner, turn up with fresh strings of chillis or a box of fresh mushrooms or toms. My friend Shanna spent half a year making jams, chutney, flavoured spirits etc using reclaimed bottles and jars (no two gifts looked alike) with produce from her allotment and some imagination. Did all her Xmas gifts that way. Her damson jam was unbelievable.

Your wife could definitely find time to join things like Swagbucks, Valued Opinions etc, to earn cash or vouchers (my mate does them while feeding her baby) and the gifts vouchers she gets often get used to buy birthday presents etc, with the savings going against her debts.

There are so many options available to you right now! The debt has made you feel limited, but you are going to be freer than you ever thought possible soon, and your imagination will help you get there - think outside the norms.

Good luck x

iAMaLONDONER

Th1984 wrote: »

Groceries, this is crazy. we thought we were doing well as we used to budget £120 p/w and overspend at tescos, now we budget £100 p/w and underspend by a little!! I can't see how we can get it much lower, we only eat meat 2 times a week. Batch cook. Make own bread/cakes etc, don't drink too much. I can only think it gets bumped up by pregnancy cravings and nappies?

No alcohol won't do you any harm!