How you cope with frivolous family?

Th1984

Hi DFW,

Me and my DW are fully behind getting rid of our debt in the next 4 years and have budgeted rigorously so that although we don't go without, we also cover our obligations and leave a very small cushion for the unexpected ( Which seems to happen every month!!).

The problem we are beginning to encounter is that both sets of parents really have a ridiculous attitude towards money and Never think twice about spending anything. They just whip the credit card out without even considering how to pay it back.

This attitude is really starting to grate on me as I get pressured as if I am being tight or not providing properly for my young family. I just wondered if anyone had any tips? Saying no to the big stuff is the easy bit, it's when just them visiting becomes a drain on the family budget as suddenly I am expected to feed 8 people for a weekend with almost no notice.

They are all quite generous but the truth is they are generous with the banks money, it's not like they have anything of their own to splash about!

I have just realised what a rant this has become so will end it here, have attached my latest SOA for any obvious things I am missing.

Finding it hard to find the strength to stay on track, didn't realise what a long haul it would be, and how addicted we were to cheap credit.

Statement of Affairs and Personal Balance Sheet

Household Information
Number of adults in household........... 2
Number of children in household......... 1
Number of cars owned.................... 2

Monthly Income Details
Monthly income after tax................ 3937
Partners monthly income after tax....... 0
Benefits................................ 87.97
Other income............................ 0
Total monthly income.................... 4024.97

Monthly Expense Details
Mortgage................................ 0
Secured/HP loan repayments.............. 0
Rent.................................... 925
Management charge (leasehold property).. 0
Council tax............................. 132
Electricity............................. 60 - includes 20 to cover debit
Gas..................................... 80 -includes 20 to cover debit
Oil..................................... 0
Water rates............................. 13
Telephone (land line)................... 17.5
Mobile phone............................ 75 - contracts up next year
TV Licence.............................. 12.37
Satellite/Cable TV...................... 40.72 sky with 25% off, ends this year
Internet Services....................... 7.5
Groceries etc. ......................... 430 £100 per week, use a combination of local grocers for veg, butcher for meat and lido for tins
Clothing................................ 100 growing family, wife is 4 months preg, my boy is 18months and I keep losing weight, mostly eBay but a nessecary amount at the moment
Petrol/diesel........................... 270 long commute to work + rural house
Road tax................................ 35
Car Insurance........................... 100 we are quite young so insurance is very dear
Car maintenance (including MOT)......... 65
Car parking............................. 25
Other travel............................ 0
Childcare/nursery....................... 0
Other child related expenses............ 60 baby classes, swimming etc
Medical (prescriptions, dentist etc).... 0
Pet insurance/vet bills................. 45 dog &cat insurance and vet fees
Buildings insurance..................... 0
Contents insurance...................... 10
Life assurance ......................... 16
Other insurance......................... 0
Presents (birthday, christmas etc)...... 50 year averaged
Haircuts................................ 50
Entertainment........................... 75 date nights mainly, v important to us
Holiday................................. 0
Emergency fund.......................... 0
Total monthly expenses.................. 2694.09


Assets
Cash.................................... 0
House value (Gross)..................... 0
Shares and bonds........................ 4815 can't sell until 2016
Car(s).................................. 3500
Other assets............................ 92847 cash value of pension, can't touch until 60
Total Assets............................ 101162

No Secured nor Hire Purchase Debts

Unsecured Debts
Description....................Debt......Monthly...APR
Virgin BT Card.................3924......218.......0
Santander Loan.................18105.....474.......14.9
Dad............................1250......250.......0
HFC Sofa Loan..................524.7.....53........0
Uncle..........................945.......150.......0
Total unsecured debts..........24748.7...1145......- !


Monthly Budget Summary
Total monthly income.................... 4,024.97
Expenses (including HP & secured debts). 2,694.09
Available for debt repayments........... 1,330.88
Monthly UNsecured debt repayments....... 1,145
Amount left after debt repayments....... 185.88

Personal Balance Sheet Summary
Total assets (things you own)........... 101,162
Total HP & Secured debt................. -0
Total Unsecured debt.................... -24,748.7
Net Assets.............................. 76,413.3

Created using the SOA calculator at https://www.makesenseofcards.com.
Reproduced on Moneysavingexpert with permission, using IE browser.

ellesbellesxxx

Haircuts seem v expensive... my long hair I get a dry cut every 5-6 months for 17 and even my partners is only 7 a month so averages out at 10 a month - this could free up more cash.

When your contracts are up for Sky and Mob def shift these... freeview and go via quidco to E2save - contracts work out from 83p!

I can see why you despair of parents' attitudes... I guess you can lead by example...hard to know though sorry!!!

mummy2threeboys

"They are all quite generous but the truth is they are generous with the banks money, it's not like they have anything of their own to splash about! "

i love this quote and its definatly become my mantra! Next time when you save up for something nd buy it out right i get such pride in knowing that we have done it without using the banks money. Your teaching you children good skills for life,. I just say they don't need or want for anything all they need is love. Your doing fab chick keep going xx

Cialilerin

I don't think there's an easy way to pay off debts when all around are still spending freely. Do your family know that you are trying to become debt free? You need to just persevere, you'll be the winner in the end - when they are paying ridiculous credit card bills.
I also think it is easier to do it when the kids are younger, my eldest are teenagers and give me real grief about their perceived lack of money (they are actually extremely lucky and spoilt kids as every spare penny I have goes to them!) My goal is to be debt free before they go to Uni cos that's when we will really need the money so you have a huge head start on that!
My debts were much bigger than yours when we started (they still are ) For 2 years I penny pinched but debts were stagnant as the lowest payments were just covering the interest, then I did a DMP - on month 7 now and this is what really worked for me. I know it's not right for everyone but CCCS are great. You can go on-line and do a budget plan thing and they suggest the best solution with no fee and no commitment. What ever you do - good luck!

tallyhoh

Wow! are your groceries really that much? You could really cut down here. We are a family of 3 adults & spend less than £200 a month. Our total monthly income is only £900 (NOT benefits)

Th1984

thanks for the words of encouragement, definitely well received. My family do know we want to be free of debt but if truth be told I don't think they can comprehend such a scenario. Kind of good at agreeing we are doing the right thing and making sympathetic noises then in a heartbeat inviting us into town for a coffee!?!?!?

Haircuts, probably very high to be honest, just based it on this month without thinking. Me and the boy ( every 2 months ish @£23 and my wife every 6 or so @£40) so was a poor estimate, reality is more £10-15 over a year.

Groceries, this is crazy. we thought we were doing well as we used to budget £120 p/w and overspend at tescos, now we budget £100 p/w and underspend by a little!! I can't see how we can get it much lower, we only eat meat 2 times a week. Batch cook. Make own bread/cakes etc, don't drink too much. I can only think it gets bumped up by pregnancy cravings and nappies?

pleasedelete

How old is your son? Your wife getting a full or even part time job is the real key here. You can tinker around the edges but is you want to be debt free her having a job woukd sort it very quickly.

Not working is sadly a luxury that few can afford and not really with your level of debt.

Aryndeneth

If it's the Bank's money they're splashing about, this will catch up with them in one way or another (as it did to pretty much all of us on these boards) When it does, you'll be the one with the knowledge and experience to help them out.

In addition, you're teaching your own children good life-habits that will hopefully see them avoid the stress, worry and issues that come with debt which I imagine you know only too well. What better parenting could there be?

Keep going, you're doing the right thing! :T

Th1984

My boy is 18months and we have another due in jan. It is the long term plan for my wife to go back to work but we assumed that we would be ok for 3~4 years just on my wage as it is a fairly good one.

It may well be that we will have to look at it in 18 months time rather than waiting until the youngest starts pre school as we currently think. But no choice now as no one will employ a pregnant woman will they?

lolly_896

Have a look on the old style board for grocery help. Have you dropped a brand. So from heinz to tesco, from tesco to value.

We eat meat every other day so approx 3/4 times a week. With 2 adults and 2 children we average about £200 a month.

Could your wife start growing some veg with the little one, we have carrots, potatoes, onions and garlic growing in trugs in garden - my boys both love seeing them grow digging them up. Also herbs are nice and easy to start with.

Good Luck

Mistral001

When things started to get tough for me a couple of years ago, I was very very aware of my family and friends around me who had a lot of money (whether their own or borrowed) to spend and seemed to spend it on frivolous things.

It took me a good two months just to get used to MY new situation. It took a while for me to get used to the fact that others around you have more money and more choices they can make as a result.

I found that I had actually to cut back on my contact with a lot of people as there were conversations I just could not take part in. For example the standard conversation of discussing holidays. As I could not afford them it was a bit of a one-sided conversation.