School looking to expel my son

Cassa

Hi all,

looking for urgent advice please. My son (12, year 8) got in with a bad crowd before Christmas and started smoking, not doing his school work etc. He had 3 weeks at school without lunch and dinner breaks, and has since stopped smoking (7 weeks). No longer hanging around with muppets.

Another lad started a fight with him last Friday and came off worse!! (My son has a big mouth - but not a fighter. School are now looking for permanent exclusion. I have rang the school this morning and have been told he's still not putting any effort into schoolwork (he has been doing homework at home). Also the boy he had a fight with on Friday may want to take it further. I have to wait for a letter from school with an appointment on for me to see head of year & headmeaster. Don't know what to do?

Any advice would be greatly received.

silvercar

To move straight to a perm exclusion rather than temporary suspension is a big jump. Maybe they are trying to warn you/him how serious they take the matter and hope that a positive reaction from you and him will mean that they suspend him for a couple of days instead.

When you go to the school be polite and concerned, show them you are taking things seriously and that you can see signs of improvement. Your son should be ready to apologise.

Its not clear from your posting whether this perm exclusion is caused by the fight or because they are not happy with his schoolwork. Try and get the school to separate the matters. One is (hopefully) a one off incident that can be dealt with and then its over. The schoolwork issue is ongoing and needs monitoring. You don't want them to use the fight as an excuse to exclude a child with study problems.

Coupon-mad

I really feel for you, I have 4 children and the eldest DS has always been the most difficult, he is now 13 but thankfully has not fallen in with the wrong crowd at the mo. I see how easily it could have happened though.

I am certain that peer pressure has a huge influence and the school will recognise this. So, maybe write down what has happened since he fell in with the muppets at the end of last term, sit with your son to write this together - hope he realises how serious it all is right now?

Don't hide your feelings from him, he needs to know how much upset he has caused. Also, if the other lad came off worst I think he should write out an apology for you to take to the meeting (even if the other lad started it, sometimes the full story never comes out but a little remorse for causing injury wouldn't be a bad thing).

Do you know the other lad's parents, if so take a deep breath and phone them 'as you've been told about an incident but have only heard your son's side, what has their son said about it and is he OK?'. I know if the other lad was my son I would prefer some contact from you even if I was seething and blamed your lad for it, IYSWIM? It shows that you care about what happens at school and take fighting seriously, and it's possible the parents are going through a similar crisis with their son.

As far as exclusion is concerned, I have no experience of it but can only suggest that you attend the meeting with some points written down (with your son if he is supposed to attend the meeting too) and suggest a workable alternative? If his behaviour has been OK up till a few weeks ago surely exclusion is a last resort?

Finally, if he belongs to a youth club, or if you belong to a church, is there a youth leader who would talk to him to give some independent advice to try to keep him on the straight and narrow? If you could get someone like this on board now, this would look like you'd taken positive steps when you have the meeting.

Good luck BTW....

Cassa

[Its not clear from your posting whether this perm exclusion is caused by the fight or because they are not happy with his schoolwork. Try and get the school to separate the matters. One is (hopefully) a one off incident that can be dealt with and then its over. The schoolwork issue is ongoing and needs monitoring. You don't want them to use the fight as an excuse to exclude a child with study problems]

Thanks silvercar, i think they want to exclude him for both reasons.

Coupon-Mad, i don't know the other boys parents. Also this other boy (with two of his friends) hit my son in the testicles last Wednesday, in the new playground fad called 'ball-slapping'.

Thanks for your advice.

ka7e

Most schools don't want to expel pupils and only do it as a last resort. Exclusions are recorded and reported each year and a high number of exclusions don't reflect well on the school. Also the schools lose per capita funding for every pupil they expel.
However, if your son's school wants to keep it's % of pupils getting good grades in GCSE, it may be willing to sacrifice pupils to keep it's reputation. Some schools even ask parents to remove their children voluntarily so it won't appear as an exclusion on their records (or the pupil's).
Best case scenario, you and your son will probably have to sign a home/school contract and there could be all sorts of sanctions imposed on your son. They should keep a close eye on his attendance and homework and he will have to keep out of trouble! There may be a "restorative justice" scenario to work through with the boy he fought with - which should explore why the fight took place, what can be done to resolve the situation, say sorry and shake hands.
Worst case scenario. Don't panic, yet. You are entitled to take someone with you to the meeting and the letter should indicate how formal it's likely to be. If it's a formal exclusion meeting it will have to be ratified by a Governors committee and there are all sorts of appeals that can be made to Governors and to the LEA.

pogster

Talk of excluding pupils to protect results is absolutely nonsense! Schools push for this in cases of last resort. Your child must have had a SUSTAINED period of disruptive/ disobedient behaviour. Bite the bullet and move him to another school. I'm sick and tired of parents ALLOWING their children to behave in such ways at the expense of those pupils who do as they are told. You sticking up for him maybe sending the wrong message. Make him take the punishment and then maybe, perhaps JUST maybe, he will behave as is expected at his new school!!!

Cassa

Hi Pogster,

My son had to lose all break times and lunch times for 3 weeks, as I said. I'm not condoning his behaviour. If he had started the fight it would be a different matter, but he was defending himself - as boys who are coping with puberty and testosterone are prone to do.

Two weeks ago at my son's school, a year seven pupil tipped a tub of pasta over the headmasters head and wasn't excluded -which crime is worse? Is it any wonder children misbehave when they see inappropriate behaviour allowed?

biggar_2

I agree with pogster and ka7e. This is not for a couple of incidents.
I do feel that the OP has let her son off for too long instead of helping the school ---and her son---by going up to discuss her worries about him when he got in with the bad crowd. That is, if she WAS worried. I feel that she is reacting now because SHE is being called up to the school. Responsible parents don't wait for this to happen!

Cassa

Hi biggar

This forum is meant to give advice not KICK people when they're down.
Why do you assume I have done nothing, and am not worried. I instigated my son losing all breaks and lunchtimes WHEN i approached the school with MY CONCERNS. I told the school who the pupils were that were selling cigarattes on school premises. I grounded my son for two months and stopped him going on a school adventure weekend that I had already paid £120.00 for.

I'm here to ask for advice not judgement!

Cassa

[Don't hide your feelings from him, he needs to know how much upset he has caused. Also, if the other lad came off worst I think he should write out an apology for you to take to the meeting (even if the other lad started it, sometimes the full story never comes out but a little remorse for causing injury wouldn't be a bad thing).]

Coupon-mad He has suffered my wrath this weekend believe me!!!

He's now in the process of writing a letter of apology now to the boy concerned. Then he's in for a couple of days hard revision!

sticher

From the sounds of it the school has not got much of a discipline system going, and the headmaster does not command respect if any child (let alone yr 7) would throw pasta over the headmaster!

The Head of the secondary school I work in gives the impression he would eat any 'naughty' kids alive, lol.

It sounds to me that this is a knee jerk reaction from the school - maybe the parent of the other boy is threatening legal action or something.

Have to ask though - how badly injured was the other boy? Did he need medical assistance/hospital visit? If so, then that is a whole different matter.