Leaving work to care for wife.

jackyann

Mojisola wrote: »

If this was said as an occasional expression of her own frustration at not being capable herself, try to ignore it.

If this is a regular, drip-drip thing I would seriously reconsider giving up work to be her full-time carer. It's a difficult enough job when the person you're caring for appreciates you. It will wear you down very quickly, mentally and physically, if you're always being told you're not doing things right.

There are a lot of other options for care at home. You are still young at 40 and giving up all your life to care may not be the best choice.

I agree, do consider this carefully - you haven't said what your wife's condition is. Some conditions can be managed very well by a full-time carer & the quality of life for everyone improved. Some can be made worse by being stuck all the time with the same person getting fed up.
I agree with those who said talk to carers' organisations; picture how this is going to be for you. Can you consider any sort of part-time / casual work - sometimes that can make work/life balance bertter (and sometimes worse!)

TheMooma

Hi CrazyRed. I think you got me pretty much summed up and you do not even know me or my wife, how bizarre. It seems that we are in the exact same position/scenario, with the care, work and pressures of both. My wife is in a lot of pain and other medications and due to this has had a poor quality of life for a long time. My wife has a long list of conditions that all go hand in hand.

Like you, my work was very understanding to start with, I started working 8-4 and that worked OK (15 years ago) until I had a new boss, he then changed my hours (not knowing that 8-4 was good for me and my wife) and that just did not work so after speaking to him about all of this and having to go through a lot of HR meetings, me speaking to employment solicitors and such like they then decided that they were a family friendly company and changed my hours back to the original 8-4, and that I could not do overtime in the evening as I am caring, to which it was agreed that I would make up any hours I took off (make them up in the mornings or lunch hours, or do overtime at these times if needed). That was about 10 years ago and slowly now with different supervisors coming in and general staff coming and going, doubling work loads due to cut backs in staffing all this has seemed to have been forgotten.

My job is a 2 person's workload and with my wife's care too, and they moan at work because I get snappy or if make a small mistake, or if I have to come away early because of my wife, they seem to take dim views of me leaving early and now they are not letting me make the time back up with lunch hours and early mornings (that's if I get them now anyway with all the increased workloads) and making me take it as unpaid leave or taking it out of my holiday which my wife treasures as that is time I can be home with her.

My wife's condition and pain has been getting worse over the last few years and with the stress now of work how can I really do both equally as good... It cant be done. Only 1 day in being signed off sick they texted me to say when am I coming back, do I know?! Like hell I know, how long is a piece a string? I am even forgetting my head, my memory is not very good of late and I am putting that all down the stress of all this as well as other stress related health problems im suffering from. So unlike yourself I haven't got to the stage yet of being relieved of the stresses of my work. I will say this though, the morning I left work I got called into the office by my supervisor over something so small and trivial and stupid and I just lost it with her big time and I am a very laid back guy usually.. my wife's healthcare worker told me that I should see my doctor (i think she could see my health deteriorating) and he said take some time off to care for your wife, and come back in 7 days. That is where I am now.

All I say is that I hope the government is reading this because what I have experienced so far carer's go through a bigger job that you actually realise.

(sorry for any mistakes, hope you get my gist)

Heycock

Crazyred...Excellent post. Thanks.