Going Solo after 25 years

GoingSolo

Tish_P wrote: »

I don't think the OP is planning to behave that shoddily, he just wanted to know where he stood and the argument sprang up as a bit of a derail.

correct on both counts

I believe the money has been put away for rainy days, not 'stolen' like has been mentioned for buying replacement cars that were both cicra £10k each in the last 5 years and £8k to get the son on the road with a car & insurance.

She was working full time until the son was born from 88 through to 93 but since has just worked part time which we were comfortable with as we had my main wage to provide the bulk of what was/is needed to survive.

GoingSolo

rpc wrote: »

The option was there to get married, If she wanted the benefits of being married, she should have pushed for marriage (and dumped him if he refused)

We set out both not wanting to marry and hasn't changed over the years and neither of us have asked each other in a serious manner. May have joked about it on the way

NewKittenHelp wrote: »

This lady has siphoned off the family money for herself for many years

Thinking about now I've had time to reflect on the posts she has said one more than on occassion 'she could have robbed me bllind and I wouldn't have known a thing about it'

Bufger

GoingSolo wrote: »

Guess he'd get some support for those special things in life or maybe some sort of pocket money if needed

he could just get a job? At 19 if hes getting pocket money there is something wrong. He's an adult

GoingSolo

still together, just, but just found 14K squirreled away in a brown envelope in the house, mmmmm

SavingPennies_2

Sounds like she is planning on doing a runner, though since this hiding of money has been going on 5-6 years now its odd.

Could she be having an affair and waiting for the other man to leave his wife? or maybe shes scared to leave until the pot is big enough?

Does she work now your son is an adult? Im confused how she has manageed to save what 90k without you knowing?

you dont need to answer these questions just giving you something to consider.

EDIT: You mentioned youre a spender..this could be innocent squirreling then couldnt it, after all if it wasnt for her, is it possible youd have no savings at all?

Kynthia

Lots of those who's partner's are spenders or generally bad with money, put aside some savings for a rainy day. They maybe thinking about family holidays, a replacement car, works on the house, uni fees or house deposit for the child, emergency money in case of redundancy, etc. it doesn't mean they were stealing it or had selfish intentions.

OP - both you and your partner should get legal advice as splitting up when not married is not clear cut.

gwen80

Kynthia wrote: »

Lots of those who's partner's are spenders or generally bad with money, put aside some savings for a rainy day. They maybe thinking about family holidays, a replacement car, works on the house, uni fees or house deposit for the child, emergency money in case of redundancy, etc. it doesn't mean they were stealing it or had selfish intentions.

OP - both you and your partner should get legal advice as splitting up when not married is not clear cut.

Agreed. If I had a partner that was a 'spender' and I'm not sure I would have one like that, but anyway...I'd certainly be putting some aside for my own peace of mind that if TSHTF, there'd be something there to fall back on. I think partners often compensate, but I guess it's all part of teamwork. Where one partner is weaker, the other is stronger...so one isn't good with money, but the other is and takes care of finances.

BitterAndTwisted

FOURTEEN GRAND? IN CASH, IN THE HOUSE? That's crazy. I'd be dead worried about someone squirreling that away without my knowledge

Vicky123

I'm more interested in how OP doesn't notice this amount of money going missing. I consider squirreling money away to be a few pounds here and there. I must be living a very measly exisistence
Anyway I'd trust her, that amount of money she could have gone whenever she wanted.

kezzygirl

Goingsolo- have you asked her why she is stashing money? I occasionally take some money and put it aside for the dreaded mid-month skint patch and then magically produce it to dh, but there is a big difference between 14k and £30!!

From her perspective I would say-
a)she is looking for a getaway
b)she is wanting some more savings of 'her own' but doesn't want to open an account
c)I have no idea.

you two need to talk.