Could you work with a 'new' ex?

ostrichnomore_2

Hi

My relationship has just broken down. He finished it, not me. We run a business together. I'm trying to weigh up whether to stay in business or pull out of it, the main part of that decision has to be financial.

But supposing financially I decide it's better to keep with the business.

He is the 'boss' and we have fairly separate roles and rooms (in same offices overall) but of course there is quite a lot of interaction and we need to be able to co-operate. we have a few staff.

Can you imagine working with a fresh 'ex' in this situation? Anyone experienced this and got through it? anyone seen it work? do you think it's possible? Any advice on making it work? He is keen for us to continue as usual, I'm not sure it's possible. Obviously it would be hard at first, do you think it's worth even trying as it could work longer-term?

It's doing my head in just thinking about it...but hearts heal, I need to use my brain on this and think of my future. Is it all too weird to work?

getmore4less

sounds like he is happy to continue but then he has decided the personal relationship is over and you probably have not.

Can you seperate the business from the personal.
Were they seperate when you were together?

Any aspects of the work situation involve social interactions, going down the pub on a friday, evening out etc.

ostrichnomore_2

No, not much social interaction needed. We travel on business sometimes but we could now have separate rooms of course and we'd normally then travel/eat together. Other than that, just the works Christmas party.

getmore4less

Is this an opportunity to develop and grow the business in new ways rather than get out.

Perhaps to reduce the need for both of you travel together, train/develop up other people and look to develop yourselves(both of you) in different directions.

only you can judge how much influence the personal relationship had on the proffesional one

williacg

Personally, I don't think I could, it's difficult enough moving on from a failed relationship, especially when the break up was not of your choosing.

However, I can fully understand your predicament, especially when finances come into it, as there are so many factors to consider regarding what stakes you both hold in the company, he is the boss, what role do you play? I'd find it far too complex, and too big a risk of the boundaries being blurred, because regardless of how clean a break up that it might start off as, things might become less so when the new boundaries have been set.

At the end of the day, it comes down to what you can cope with, do you honestly think that you could go from being his partner, sharing your lives together, to just his employee? If so, then go for it.

getmore4less

I thoiugh this user name rang a bell,

I looked back and did post on the project issues but also noted the personal issues going back to Feb and also see a debt issue and low pay issues.

Is this realy a busines partner or do you just work there.

Not read it all yet but there is more to this than you have indicated on this thread.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4083435

Elle7

Could you become self-employed/freelance doing whatever work you do, and contract to him on a temporary basis? That way you could find other clients too, but wouldn't be working directly with him, and wouldn't lose your income straight away.

I remember your thread, and he's clearly been planning this for some time. I don't think staying long-term is a good idea - move on. You are worth more than this!

dizzyrascal

I have read this thread and your other, longer thread that has been referenced here.
What strikes me is that he is trying to keep you sweet, first by offering to share himself out week by week and also by trying to keep you in the joint business.
What I mean by this is that he is well aware that you could (and should) take him to the cleaners and he is trying to manipulate you into accepting less. (or nothing)
I do know of women who have walked away from relationships (and marriages) with no financial package because of some ridicules false pride they have. I am not suggesting that you fleece him but he does owe you. (big time in my opinion)
It doesn't matter that the bills etc are in his name. You have been his common law wife for ten years and taken a measly salary because you were his partner (would you have worked for this amount under any other circumstances?)
The man you describe sounds very much like he has a narcissistic personality. People like that don't care what they do to other people, they have no concept of the hurt they cause and no ability to understand your emotions.
If it were me I would be looking for some kind of settlement so that I could get out and start again somewhere else. I don't mean this as a meal ticket but you have invested a lot into this relationship and you do deserve something, even if you were not married.

mildred1978

dizzyrascal wrote: »

It doesn't matter that the bills etc are in his name. You have been his common law wife for ten years .

No such thing.

mgdavid

anecdotally Rick Stein and his ex made it work, so it can be done. They satyed on running the restaurant for quite a while before he branched out into other projects I believe. You just have to be very grown-up about it.

dizzyrascal

mildred1978 wrote: »

No such thing.

No there isn't but the Courts will recognise her contribution and it does not have to be based on her financial contributions to the relationship.