Am i hindering my partners gambling addiction?

gamblerfeeder

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BEAR

look at the forum on famanon..i know this is for substance abuse but the enabling is the same. nothing changes if nothing changes..this cant go on can it
I have every sympahy wih you as i know how hard it is to say no to someone you love, especially when they are so plausible and has a good argument for everything to the extent that you are made out to look foolish for not agreeing. Gambling is as much an addiction as heroin in my opinion. I am sure there must be a gambling version of famanon..please take the time to find a forum and read some of the stories there

sassyblue

You are still in a good position having 70k a year coming into the house. There's somewhere on this forum where you can do a SOA (statement of affairs), you need to complete that and see where you're at. Maybe you could remortgage at a better rate?

In any case you OH needs to understand from this point onwards there can be no more gambling, he HAS to seek help. What exactly has all those years of gambling bought him? Debt, that's what. I hope the penny drops that he's a useless gambler and it's only the bookmakers (or whoever he gambles with) that win. I expect as an addicted gambler he'll scoff at that but it's the awful truth.

Good luck OP, the only way l can see this working is if YOU have complete control over the finances and do not allow him to manipulate you anymore, if he tries, well you know what you need to do...l

gamblerfeeder

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SomersetSaver

Hi
I didn't want to read and run, but afraid I don't have much practical advice to offer. This might be useful? http://www.gam-anon.org/

Keep strong - and perhaps this IS a time when you need friends/family around? Do you have people who can be there for you without having to go into details? i.e. you're having a rough time and need their moral support?
Second posting an SOA on the debt-free wanabee forum - loads of clever people there who can give help and advice on your financial options.

Seems like a really big step that you've BOTH taken so well done.
SS x

pawsies

I wonder rather than go cold turkey on gambling if you give him an allowance (I know it sounds a bit controlling but you do seem to be the sensible one...) of say 1k a month that he can gamble with and that's it, once it's gone it's gone then you can sort out repaying everything else off. 70-12 = 58k that you have to sort out the rest of the debt.

You could put the 1k in a separate account every month and he only takes that credit card with him to gamble so he cannot overspend?

sassyblue

pawsies wrote: »

I wonder rather than go cold turkey on gambling if you give him an allowance (I know it sounds a bit controlling but you do seem to be the sensible one...) of say 1k a month that he can gamble with and that's it, once it's gone it's gone then you can sort out repaying everything else off. 70-12 = 58k that you have to sort out the rest of the debt.

You could put the 1k in a separate account every month and he only takes that credit card with him to gamble so he cannot overspend?

I was going to suggest the same but £1k a month is too generous. I'd give him £100.

Only gamble what you're prepared to lose imo...... £1K is too much.

Scorpio33

Hi

My Golden rule is never gamble more than you can afford to lose.

So get a SOA set up, see where your income is coming from and then where your outgoings are going.
Then you can show your partner that there literally is no money spare to gamble - it is being spent on past debts or saving for a baby.

Then he would need to decide what is more important - gambing, or a relationship and family?

Hope it all works out for you.

Scorpio33

sassyblue wrote: »

I was going to suggest the same but £1k a month is too generous. I'd give him £100.

Only gamble what you're prepared to lose imo...... £1K is too much.

poseted this as I was posting!!

Sambucus_Nigra

gamblerfeeder wrote: »

My partner has read this post and asked me to still put it up here.

Why has he read this and asked you to put it up on here?

Is he prepared to post on here himself and admit that he has/is a problem?

Lara44

Hi OP

If you look on the Debt-free wannabe forum there are some old diaries of people discovered huge gambling debts of their partners, and worked through the whole process. These might give you some food for thought.

You have obviously realised yo need to stope enabling this addiction. You need to immediately take control of the family finances. As others have suggested go to the debt-free wannabe section of the forums and do a statement of affairs. The aim is to see where all of the money you earn currently goes. To find out what could be got cheaper and what could be cut entirely. This doesn't have to mean always going without and there are lots of strategies for saving on energy bills, food etc.

You need to make a plan to stem the debt - no more credit in your household. Then a good budget plan to pay it all back. Is your partner ready to face up to his addiction? I hope that you can get help from Gam-anon.

You are not stupid, goodness who has lived their life perfectly? You have a very good income and drawing a line under the gambling can get this debt paid off and back on an even keel. Take a look at the debt-free roll of honour to see people who have already achieved this. Good luck