Can a husband & wife claim Attendance Allowance?

Samsaragirl

at home with my mother, who cannot actually cope, and the reason I've been breaking downh, is to protect my chikldren.

Mothere is in total denial. Reason being, SS said 'make a stand' , so I do, and then she rings son or daughter. There is no leverage there.

I wear myself out trying to protect them.

My mother hated my dads parents and family who have, incidentelly(sp) given them inherintaces (gosh my spelling is bad nowadays) 4 houses, just a weird family.

I was told by mother the other day that it is' My Duty' to look afterem.

Very sad, as my dad looks into my eyes every day, sometimes he knows who I am, sometines says he has a boy...

Basically, if I try to make a stand she rings my kids, aqnd she put me through enough duties when I was up to 18, but she is unbelieveble

Mojisola

princessdon wrote: »

sorry (not having a go, I look after my GM) who has early dimentia and is in a home, but was told she couldn't claim AA as was in a home??

If she is self-funding, she can claim AA. If her place is paid for by the LA, she can't.

Samsaragirl wrote: »

What a ridiculous statement- yes of course. Both my parents get AA, Mum lower Dad higher, and me, an only child full time carer.

My mother will never leave my father even for a short break with me (coach trip ) She will just not leave him in respite and 'go away' anywhere, which leaves me, when she gets 'respite care, going to her and the care home to check on my Dad. No respite for me eh! But I do do it out of love as I would be much better off using my life skills.and past work experience.

What really niggles me is that AA is not means tested, as my mother is controlling the joint bank accounts and getting me to run here there and everywhere transferring 30k here, 20k there. The joint currebnt account has over 10k in it, and yet she knows somw day cannot afford milk, cannot afford to put diesel in my car, so have to walk twice a day to get dad up, back t bed. Been there 10 hrs today!

For the last 6 years she has been refusing help- that equates to over 30k that she refuses to use for what the AA is meant for. My dad has dementia, he would go mad!

She can only do this because you let her. Don't be a martyr. If you cannot afford the fuel you need to go to their house, get her to give you the money to fill your tank or tell her you can't go to help.

If you let yourself be worn down, you won't be available to help them and you will shorten your own life.

Samsaragirl

Mojisola wrote: »

If she is self-funding, she can claim AA. If her place is paid for by the LA, she can't.



She can only do this because you let her. Don't be a martyr. If you cannot afford the fuel you need to go to their house, get her to give you the money to fill your tank or tell her you can't go to help.

If you let yourself be worn down, you won't be available to help them and you will shorten your own life.

But that is exactly what I'm saying, if I make a stand she then rings my kids. This has been going on for 6 years. I am determined they wiill not feel ike I do to my parents- not good enough I am, a burden to them in the future I want my kids to embrace wgho they are and feel free to express it. I can cope with her sayingit is myduty, but I get angryu hen she does the manipulative thing and rings my kids behind my back. .

princessdon

Mojisola wrote: »

If she is self-funding, she can claim AA. If her place is paid for by the LA, she can't.

.

many thanks for this - she is self funding (and renting out her own home as it wasn't selling). I just assumed as she has the care it wouldn't be applicable. Yet she struggles to pay her care fees - so this would top up the rent from her home. she is very active (well as much as she can be) and enjoys the cinema, beach, walks (pushes in her chair) and of course the bingo!

she has not been doing what she enjoys due to care fees and worries about money - would be lovely to see her get the ice-creams in again as she feels so dispondent when she can't. Great news - I will look into it.

Does it matter that her care is paid for in the home - or that I do the other care and so she isn't paying extra and it will be used on things like bingo and the odd portion of fish and chips etc?

Sorry for hijacking the thread

Samsaragirl

Are threads crossing?

clemmatis

princessdon wrote: »

she has not been doing what she enjoys due to care fees and worries about money - would be lovely to see her get the ice-creams in again as she feels so dispondent when she can't. Great news - I will look into it.

Does it matter that her care is paid for in the home - or that I do the other care and so she isn't paying extra and it will be used on things like bingo and the odd portion of fish and chips etc?

Sorry for hijacking the thread

It doesn't matter -- as a self-funder, she can claim AA. My mother was a self-funder who claimed it. It is like DLA given for needs, and it doesn't have to be accounted for. Do apply for her (the nursing home matron filled in my mother's form).

Mojisola

princessdon wrote: »

many thanks for this - she is self funding (and renting out her own home as it wasn't selling). I just assumed as she has the care it wouldn't be applicable. Yet she struggles to pay her care fees - so this would top up the rent from her home. she is very active (well as much as she can be) and enjoys the cinema, beach, walks (pushes in her chair) and of course the bingo!

Does it matter that her care is paid for in the home - or that I do the other care and so she isn't paying extra and it will be used on things like bingo and the odd portion of fish and chips etc?

It would be worth having a benefits check done for her to make sure she's getting everything she's entitled to. Try AgeUK or CAB.

As she's self-funding, once she's paid the care home fees, she can spend any spare money as she likes within the confines of the deprivation of capital. To fall foul of those rules, she'd have to be giving chunks of money away, spending on extravagant holidays, etc.

Mojisola

Samsaragirl wrote: »

But that is exactly what I'm saying, if I make a stand she then rings my kids.

Tell them not to answer their phones when she tries to contact them.

Why would you let a miser make your life a misery?

What does she think she will be able to do with all the money she's saving - take it with her?

Samsaragirl

Mojisola wrote: »

Tell them not to answer their phones when she tries to contact them.

Why would you let a miser make your life a misery?

What does she think she will be able to do with all the money she's saving - take it with her?

No, use it for her only power left. She has recently given son 40k as a deposit,ex had to buty house buy to let. So she sees money as power, though she has none. Son feels duty to go round, even though he works 40 hras min and has a young family.

DD liveswith me, and, though feel she should do something, do not feeel she should be beholden to grandparents.

I remember well when I finished 6th form at grammar school, she shouted at me, I never had a summer holiday in my life after about 14 as she used to make me work, and nastily. My daughter will enjoy her still youtrh!!!"

Samsaragirl

So my question is, in response to OP, Of course, yes, 6 years. Is it fair then, thaT AA is not spent. KI am an only chikld driven to distraction. This is impacting on my 2 chiklren, and my grandchildren... on it goes