Tricky situation

RainbowDreamer

Thank you princess.
Tbh if I was offered a job tomorrow I would bite their hand off. I find it demorolising using the governments money to survive. I would love to be able to earn my own money to pay my own bills.
But hey ho, tis life I suppose. One day I will be successful in my job hunting and I will be able to provide properly for my boys.

mikey_bach

If the stress of all this gets to much and is making you ill then
claim ESA.......
You would be entitled then to HB

I hope you get it sorted soon,
to claim I.S again make sure the claim for CHB goes in straight away
as soon as you have full custody.

nannytone_2

there but for the grace if god ....

i think we all have times in our lives, that things have the potential to go really wrong, but mist are lucky enough ( and a lot of the time it is luck!) to be in a position to stop things before they get to the point of no return.

i know it isnt any help right now but one day you will look back on this as a bad memory.

all the best.

princessdon

Absolutely horrid situation

Give them a hug and have as happy a birthday as you can.

As above - Speak to you GP if unfit for work (not saying you are, but if applies) then look at ESA to pay your housing short term.

RainbowDreamer

I refuse to see my gp about the stress. It is effecting me massively, but last time I saw him due to the stress he tried to give me antidepressants.
I am unwilling to have him log that he thinks I have depression due to the custody battle, as my ex has used everything but that so far to paint me as a terrible mother.
I feel if it were logged I had depression this may give him a reason to use this in court and this may somewhat effect the outcome.

So for now I am plodding along managing the best I can. I do fine when the kids are home as I focus my time and energy on having lots of fun with them and making them feel very loved.
Its the days I don't have the children home that I struggle as everything then builds up and I constantly worry about finding the money for food, or the keep the electric going and the house heated when its cold. Luckily its not been to cold lately. But I admit that I do not eat very much when the children are at their dads as I am in the sort of mind set of keeping as much as I can for the children and living on the bare minimum that I can to keep myself going.

RainbowDreamer

Also I wouldnt say that I am unfit for work, just that stress and exhaustion is effecting daily life at the moment and would probably have a major effect if I were working full time.
But I would be in a much better position if I did work, though if it didnt work around the contact order then I have no idea how I would work that.

delain

Rainbow dreamer a few years ago I was in an identical situation to you, absolutely identical. Luckily I was able to find a flexible job (not that that helps you much!) But I was caught between the two systems too.

If you need to chat feel free to PM me

RainbowDreamer

delain its good to hear that it is possible to find a flexible job.
Out of all my applications I only recieved 1 interview offer. And it was perfect as it worked around the contact order and was full-time.
Unfortunately I was unsuccessful due to their lack of funding to take on any more people (it seems they interviewed for many vacancies, but did not actually have the funding for all of them).
But.. I shall apply apply and apply and maybe one day!

Though if not once I have residency and CB and TC back, I will continue to job hunt, but will then be able to sort childcare around whatever job I manage to get.

mikey_bach

I wish you well and hope things get better soon...
You will come out of this believe me, better, stronger and wiser,
you can and will beat him........
And you will look back on this,

and by Christmas all will be well and you will have your little ones back where they belong
Good Luck

princessdon

Think about the long term (not short)

Inability to work (ESA) is NOT the same as not being a capable parent - far from it. Speak to them honestly and frankly (no holds barred) see what they recommend (they are the experts).

There is no shame in depression due to stress (all been there at some point).

Be honest and see what they say - if they say otherwise - decision out of your hands, or if they say yes - discuss. You are an adult and capable of making decisions without this forum or anyone else.

I just feel for you - rarely do I get a "good mum vibe" - but you genuinely want what is best and only you know each and every nuance - so good luck x