Another question re friendships...would you be miffed?...

missindecisive

Let's say...you have a really good friendship with friend A and friend B. You spend a lot of time with friend A especially, as you have known them a long time and you get on really well. Each time though, that you meet for a natter with friend A, you would like friend B to come along aswell and you could all get along just fine together. However, friend A says she would just like to see you on your own, and that she doesn't particularly care much for friend B. Its not that she dislikes friend B, but claims that she just doesn't 'gel' with her the same as you. She's not as interesting to talk to as you, and she just doesn't have the same things in common as you, therefore does'nt feel the need to become closer to friend B.
This leaves you feeling a bit piggy in the middle, as you are fond of both friends. You sometimes feel as if you are being a bit sneaky meeting up with friend A, as if you are going behind friend B's back. Ideally you would like all of you to meet together, but A makes it clear she is not interested in that. She wants to 'confide' in you, and she just can't 'talk the same' to friend B.
Fast forward a few months, and you and friend A have a silly misunderstanding, which leaves your friendship under strain. Eventually after a few weeks, you get together and talk it over, where you went wrong, and how you both felt. You think you have patched it up, you talk things over and feel as if your friendship is strong again, you are such good friends you can survive anything! However, slowly, over a period of a few months, friend A starts to cool off. She doesn't invite you over anymore, she seems less interested in talking to you. She's often to busy to return your texts. The friendship with friend A is becoming increasingly distant, you realise that perhaps she is still hurt by your misunderstanding, and perhaps she is trying to phase things out gently. You feel sad but you respect that she maybe wants to move on, and you don't want to cause a scene.

Then suddenly, friend A starts meeting up with friend B. They get together quite often, and you find out by chance, They didn't invite you along. You are dying to tell friend B all the things that friend A said about B, but ofcourse you don't say a word to spare B's feelings. You just can't understand it. You feel foolish and used by A who has just worked you head. Friend B is innocent and doesn't have a clue about all the things friend A said previously. Would you be upset ?

pawsies

Yes, I would 'bump' into them at their next meeting and sit down to join them and try and mend the friendship.

There's no need for regrets in life

jenhug

Would you be upset ?

No. Because I left school a long time ago and no longer get myself into petty play time squabbles.

Sounds like you may have been a better friend to A than she was to you, so really, it is her loss. Don't say anything to B, she will soon figure out the truth. Telling her just makes you look petty and jealous.

Lotus-eater

I'd be upset, in fact the same thing has happened to me, I caught them out and they both looked a bit shamefaced.

I never said a word and took the higher ground, stayed friends with both, although haven't seen B now in years.

It happens, move on, stay friends with both if you can and let them sort it out in their own time.

raven83

I had a friend just like you describe in your OP, I finally cut her off 7 months ago for good, wish I had done it sooner. She hadn't evolved since school and was still the same nasty, controlling, !!!!!y waste of time that she had always been, I'd just been an idiot for putting up with it for so long! Do not need people like that in my life!

podperson

I'd probably be mildly annoyed but it doesn't sound like A is the kind of friend you need anyway, so I would cut your losses there. If you still want to be friends with B then ask them if they want to meet on their own. As others have mentioned, it's silly schoolground behaviour and I wouldn't waste my time on getting involved in it.

maman

If A was a man friend, you'd probably decide the relationship had run it's course. I'd stop worrying about it and make a big effort to meet new people.

I really don't understand why you felt it important to see A and B together anyway. Most people have lots of 'separate' friends from different parts of their lives (don't they?). Wanting everyone to like each other is kind and well intentioned I'm sure but not the way the world works for grown ups (or even for children).

duchy

Friend A likes to be the centre of attention -she didn't want friend B stealing her thunder -and she'll be saying the same things about you to friend B that she once told you as reasons for not wanting to include friend B. Let her get on with in.

mrcow

Are all of these people schoolkids? Or adults?

These don't sound like friends. They sound like aquaintances. Someone is confusing the two.

Seriously, whoever the person "you" in your scenario is needs to get on with their life and stop worrying about petty things. People are allowed to be friends with whom they like. They are also allowed to go out with others without involving/informing others. If these other people even remotely care, they will come round.

dt3887

i personally, would "bump" into them together and "accidentaly" say something to A like i thought you didnt like B. but thats because im me lol

Sambucus_Nigra

Interesting - we had someone at work who used to slag everyone off behind their back; I literally caught her doing it about me when she was sat at someone else's computer [as I was helping her out] and so I decided life was too short to sustain that 'friendship'. She then went on to befriend the ones she spent so long slagging off and now they have all left she meets up with them regularly.

It's not my place to tell the nice people what the quite frankly nasty person used to say - what's that going to achieve?