My Mums MS after 20 years is now effecting her mentally

Bennifred

Hi homelessskilledworker - does your Mum have an MS nurse? They can be good people to talk things over with - although I'm getting the impression that it isn't the MS as such that is causing the problems.......

homelessskilledworker

pmlindyloo wrote: »

For some reason I don't seem to be able to quote your last post.

I think that talking to your own doctor might be a good idea but they usually have only so much time to give so may only suggest getting in contact with Social Services or some similar orgainsation. (not putting you off doing it but jsut a 'heads up'.)

Reading between the lines (and please forgive me if I'm way off the mark) you seem to be saying that it's your mum and dad's relationship that is the problem and that the fact that your mum has become more of a 'sitting target' than before. Perhaps your mum has been able to 'cope' with your dad before in her own way, but now you see her as being more vulnerable because of her illness.

Am I close?

Very close

Very delicate situation, and the feeling of my sisters are a big concern to me, both are very supportive I might add.

Thanks

homelessskilledworker

Bennifred wrote: »

Hi homelessskilledworker - does your Mum have an MS nurse? They can be good people to talk things over with - although I'm getting the impression that it isn't the MS as such that is causing the problems.......

She does now, and is visiting my Mum next week to see how she is getting on with her aids.
My Dad is more worried about what she will think of him.
I am trying to find out what day so I can be there which for some reason does not make my Mum or Dad happy.
The biggest problem is that my Mum is so cautious about the aids she has and is harly using them, she tends to crawl around a lot to do things, even though we have chairs, lift, wide doors..

It is just heart breaking to keep watching here like this, I think it is years of my Dad gettting inpatient with her that makes her so nervous.

homelessskilledworker

Please nobody think they are not helping, I am so grateful that you guys take time to reply, and later I will be looking up some of the addresses.

Thanks

pmlindyloo

I have started to write a few times but find it difficult to know what to say.

Relationships between man and woman are very strange, particularly in the older generation. It is likely that the kind of 'abuse' that your mum has put up with was accepted years ago and your mum has got used to it. She is probably scared of being alone/put into a home etc etc.

We have a different approach nowadays and most women seem very aware of their 'rights' (wrong word but hope you know what I mean) and won't put up with it. There are women, however, even now, who almost 'enable' their partners to treat them badly. I am sure there are deep psychological reasons behind it all which could be discussed but for now...............

As I see it you are very limited in your options.

You and your sisters could have a word with your dad - is this possible or would it make it worse?

You could be sugar sweet (even if you aren't feeling it) and ask how he is coping - we know it must be difficult................. anything you want us to do? etc etc

I'm not sure that any of what I am saying is going to help.

In the end other than kicking your dad out/removing your mum there is very little you can do without both their say so or you being there all the time to monitor the situation.

Thinking of you.

vikki_louise

Hello, I'm sorry your mums gone downhill, it's so hard seeing someone you love like it, my Nan is bedbound with Ms, paralysed with no speach, tube fed etc. we have the opposite problem to you though in we are worried my grandpa is driving himself into the grave making sure her every need is dealt with (mostly by himself apart from brief visits from carers).
I would suggest a refferal to a hospice, I know it's a scary word but hospices aren't about dying but give palliative care and respite and they have good connections with things like social services and district nursing and should listen to your concerns. I know the MS society does fund some respite places (my nan went to one called brambles before she became too severe).

I have been very ill myself, it was very similiar to severe MS but with the knowledge I should (and did) improve, I was very lucky to have my mum and dad as my voice, no matter how hard it is it is good that you are being her voice x