alittle worried

balletshoes

susieanne wrote: »

Her elder sister told me that she had told her when asked was everything ok with school she said she feels kinda in the middle of the geeks & the cool girls who have boyfriends but shes neither . Shes not a geek & she doesnt want a boyfriend just yet so she doesnt know who to hang with .

thats good in my opinion - she knows what she wants and she has choices, she's not being a sheep following the herd .

jane130

If she is happy enough I wouldn;t worry , My daughter who has now left secondary school was just the same - she had friends and would occasionally go out or invite one of them around when i suggested it but she was happy spending time on her own and still is - I'm half hoping she will find someone in sixth form college but I am now accepting that my daughter will be one of those people who has lots of acquaintances and very few good friends

JimmyTheWig

Might be worth speaking to the class teacher about it. It's not likely to be a big deal at this stage, but it does seem a shame that she wants close friends to do fun stuff with but can't find anyone.
The class teacher may be able to suggest someone that you could invite round. Or there may be someone similar to her (maybe from a different class in the year group) that the teacher could arrange for them to work together on something?

Are there any after-school / lunchtime clubs that she might be interested in? [Trying to think of something between geeky and cool. Debating club, maybe? Drama club?] She might find it easier to make friends there in a less formal setting than a classroom, in a smaller group, doing a shared interest.

balletshoes

My 11-year old DD would be mortified if I approached a teacher of hers about this, and I dont think it merits that at all (but obviously we're all different).

OP from what you've said, your daughter knows what kind of friends she wants, she just hasn't found them yet. She will, just don't push her on the issue (she's already mentioned that to you hasn't she). Kids develop all sorts of new interests as they mature, and with that comes new circles of acquaintances, and possibly friends.

Tish_P

She might just be less of an extrovert than your other daughter. People are different and unless she's unhappy and lonely there is no problem.

If she does want to expand her social horizons, though, could she meet people anywhere other than school? Is she in any clubs or societies? Sometimes school isn't the best place to meet kindred spirits.

Lunar_Eclipse

She sounds perfectly normal to me, or rather more preferable to the 'out all the time' alternative at this age.

DD1 has also just finished Y7 and whilst she does have a core group of friends plus a couple of other individuals she socialises with occasionally, this is mainly in school with the odd party and weekend/holiday sleepover. She isn't really out any night of the week after school, apart from school sports matches and currently, Friday night on our local green where there's cricket, a BBQ & bar.

Whilst it's important to establish relationships and friendship groups, I'm not a fan of general hanging about that sometimes goes on with kids in this age group and I also think that if they're putting effort in to their school work and extra curricular activities, let alone any household chores, there simply isn't time to go out every night.

Acc72

susieanne wrote: »

i think she is happy enough when shes at school

but i know come evenings & weekends she would like to have a group of friends like everyone else

because i keep trying to push her into making friends and going out

Her elder sister told me that she had told her when asked was everything ok with school she said she feels kinda in the middle of the geeks & the cool girls who have boyfriends but shes neither .

From your posts, you need to be sure that you are not transferring your own fears/insecurities on to your daughter.

It is understandable for to want (what you feel) is the best for your daughter - in this case, lots of friends - but the main thing is, is she happy ?

You say she is happy - has she said that she would like friends to visit of an evening or weekend ? (who are "everyone else" by the way ? - you cannot compare her to her older sisters who may have different personalities and interests etc.).

By saying that you are "pushing" her to go out and have more friends and discussing this with her sister, it sounds as though you maybe creating a problem where there isn't one ?

Person_one

susieanne wrote: »

Thanks for your replys , i think she is happy enough when shes at school but i know come evenings & weekends she would like to have a group of friends like everyone else who she could hang out with . She tells me her worries sometimes but other times she says i annoy her , because i keep trying to push her into making friends and going out so im just going to leave her for the time being . Her elder sister told me that she had told her when asked was everything ok with school she said she feels kinda in the middle of the geeks & the cool girls who have boyfriends but shes neither . Shes not a geek & she doesnt want a boyfriend just yet so she doesnt know who to hang with .

Tell her to go with the geeks. Much better long term!