Ethics: I want to buy soon, girlfriend unwilling

Daniel_Garner

Brief question on ethics / morality / good practice.

I'm about to rent a flat, which shortly after my girlfriend will move into and pay half rent.

In a year or so, I'm keen to move out of the flat, and invest in buying a property. She isn't in such a good financial position, and in any case is unwilling to commit to owning something very soon.

I'm unwilling to share a mortgage with someone I'm not married to: I know too many people who have lost a lot that way. Some options that I can see:

1) I could pay for it entirely and allow her to live there rent free - a good deal for her, but she has no long term security.

2) Could I buy, and charge her rent to live there? Seems unreasonable, as she would effectively be paying mortgage for no investment return.

3) I could buy to let, but would still be paying rent on wherever I live - seems too much of a gamble and stretch of resources for a first time buy.

4) Do nothing until we do (or don't :P ) get married some years to come!

Clearly I should discuss this with her before we move in together.

Before I do that though, I'd like to ask for some ideas from you about how it could be ethically done, if there even is such a way.

Suggestions welcome!

Thanks!

POPPYOSCAR

I m not really sure if 'ethics' come into this.

Surely you should discuss all the options with her and come to a
mutual agreement that you would both be happy with?

posh_scouse

Daniel_Garner wrote: »

Brief question on ethics / morality / good practice.

I'm about to rent a flat, which shortly after my girlfriend will move into and pay half rent.

In a year or so, I'm keen to move out of the flat, and invest in buying a property. She isn't in such a good financial position, and in any case is unwilling to commit to owning something very soon.

I'm unwilling to share a mortgage with someone I'm not married to: I know too many people who have lost a lot that way. Some options that I can see:

1) I could pay for it entirely and allow her to live there rent free - a good deal for her, but she has no long term security.

2) Could I buy, and charge her rent to live there? Seems unreasonable, as she would effectively be paying mortgage for no investment return.

3) I could buy to let, but would still be paying rent on wherever I live - seems too much of a gamble and stretch of resources for a first time buy.

4) Do nothing until we do (or don't :P ) get married some years to come!

Clearly I should discuss this with her before we move in together.

Before I do that though, I'd like to ask for some ideas from you about how it could be ethically done, if there even is such a way.

Suggestions welcome!

Thanks!

Having been in the living with someone and bought a house together and ended up BR in the process........


....... I'd still run a mile if that was your attitude. I live with my partner because we are getting married. but even if we weren't, living together is not a temporary thing for convenience.

Run the above by your girlfriend and see how she reacts.

When me and him moved in together - it was - this is us going forward - we're in this together

Vincent.waldorf

The way i see it is that she would have to pay rent to live somewhere anyway. You make it clear in writing that she has no equity claim on the property if you split (know its a taboo and all the trust issues). best thing is to give her a subsidy on market rate, that way you say that you say you dont want to feel too stretched. she should appreciate the less than market rate.

MacMickster

It doesn't sound as if your relationship is really at the living together stage yet, never mind buying a property.

You seem to view owning a property as more important to you than your relationship. Asking your girlfriend to change your relationship and effectively move in as your lodger, paying you rent for the privilege is unlikely to convince her that you have a future as a couple.

phill99

Ethics, morality are irrelevant here. You both need to sit down and decide where your relationship is going. If she was really keen on you and wanted to commit herself to you, I would have thought that she 'd be only too happy to get a place with you. Evidently she ain't.

DRP

In reply to your OP, if you are not willing to buy with someone you are not married to, I would say one common way of proceeding (amongst several of my friends, anyway) is to buy a place yourself and pay the mortgage and your girlfriend contributes to food costs etc. Therefore she is paying relatively little (probably around 200ish quid a month for a couple), which is considerably less than rent on a house divided by 2.

It isn't a particularly romantic way of doing things and you obviously need to discuss and find out if she would be happy to do this...

By the time you find somewhere suitable to live you may either be more serious or may even have split up and all this is academic...

InMyDreams

The way I see it:

Very wise to not be joining yourselves together financially before you are ready for a life-long commitment (marriage or otherwise).

If you do end up married, then what difference does it make whether your partner hands over any cash at this stage? Except that maybe she would then end up with a legal/moral/legitimate(???) claim on the house. I don't know.

You sound like you would be wanting to buy this house regardless of whether or not you are in a relationship, so I would do it without her help. Presumably you're not loosing anything by having her in there. It's not like she'd be taking a room you could put a lodger in (I assume) and there will be living costs that can be shared.

You might like to suggest that because she is therefore able to live rent free, she might like to put aside an equivalent-ish amount into a savings account (in her name). If you were to split, you take your house, she takes her savings. If you end up married (or have kids or whatever...) you can then combine the two, once you are ready to commit.

Errata

Give her a rent book and tell her she's a lodger.

BitterAndTwisted

Rent the flat together for a year or so and see how you both feel then. She might be a bit concerned about you wanting to move too fast and making long-term plans before she's decided whether you're The One or not.

propertyman

These are the decisions that working through them together are the blocks on which a long term partnership are based.

It's not so much about the pros and cons but what you both want out of this; friends with benefits and splitting the bills, or more.

Once you work that out, you will know what to to do and when.