Why does death bring out the worst in other family members?

mazza111

I don't always think it's the inheritance that brings out the worse in people. Sometimes it's the grieving process.

When my father passed away after a long illness, my sister turned into a class 1 biatch, said something one day to me, can't even remember what it was now, but it infuriated me so much at the time. I told my son to get his coat on and we'd go home, and kept my mouth shut about it. Half way out the door and she started sniping again. And again, I can't even remember what she said, but it was enough to have me marching up the hall to sort her out. Luckily my brother and other sis stopped me or who knows what could have happened. She was still in a sulk at my dad's funeral, and didn't come to the wake, but attended the funeral sitting apart from the rest of the family.

So, who knows, I think both of us were dealing with grief in our different ways. I tried to walk away from confrontation, unfortunately it didn't work.

Was absolutely nothing to do with inheritance though, dad didn't leave anything behind, and the few bits he did leave went to my mum.

FatVonD

rachhh wrote: »

Just a slightly more lighthearted way it brings out the worst...
My grandma before she passed lived on a static caravan site, and at her funeral all the residents came which I thought was nice, but then at the wake we caught them all raiding the buffet and putting bits into their bags etc... some even brought tupperware! Don't know if this was just a thing for their site or an elderly person thing in general... it did make me chuckle a bit though

Not at a funeral but at our wedding we had a mirrored cake stand that was very light (kind of like heavy card?) As I was taking off the cupcakes to box up for people I heard one of our guests (the wife of one of DH's workmates) comment to her mate on how light it was and that she 'might have that' :eek:

I pointed out that it would be going back on ebay which was where I'd got it from :rotfl:

sassyblue

I know what you mean OP. We have cut BIL and SIL out of our lives as after MIL died l helped FIL with all sorts of paperwork, SIL 'lived too far away' to come over (35 mins drive :rotfl:) yet when we cleared out MIL's belongings SIL could make the journey over everyday.

FIL had alot of money at that point and poor health so SIL would say things quietly to me like 'when he dies aren't you going to be saying to yourself 'l'm rich, l'm rich' , she would take FIL shopping and point out the expensive things her house or the children 'needed' in the hope he would buy them for her (he didn't :rotfl:)

Many, many things went on that if l told you, you would call me a liar :cool: suffice to say when l had had enough of her constant !!!!!ing about FIL and put her in her place she ran back to BIL crying and denied it all. BIL loves an argument so he came out fighting for her so l told him where to go too. FIL kept out of it although he knew what she had done and behind her back was furious.

Fast forward to now things are peaceful in the family as we have no contact with them, and FIL is in excellent health though when he does pass away l know we'll have a battle on our hands being back in touch with them, they just have to control everything and are very grasping money wise.

At the root of it all was SIL just wanting her hands on FILs money, it's very sad what money does to people. MIL knew how money orientated she was when she was alive but when she died SIL somehow felt entitled to the money that had been left??

poorly_scammo

In my family, the death of a relative allowed all the pent up anger, frustration and general ill will that few knew about to be released. When the person was alive all was kept submerged but upon death, Pandora's box was opened and all the ills of the world seemed to fly out. Two individuals who were very close before the death no longer speak to each other. Money played no role as there wasn't any left to be bequeathed.

On the other side of my family though, money has played a part in the nastiness which followed a death. The money bequeathed in the will was thought recompense for years of abuse and favouritism. The vultures circled and rumours flew around. So sad that no one seemed to trust each other.

I'm so glad that I'm an only child if only for the fact that there'll be fewer people to fall out with upon my parents' deaths.

Desperado99

One member of my grandma's family was incredibly grasping, and she would surface at every funeral and make sure she managed to walk off with something........ Horrible, horrible woman.

She even went thru one relative's house after that relative was moved to a nursing home (died a couple of weeks later) and made a list of all the jewelry she wanted - she was caught redhanded that day. She then contested that same persons will, on the pretence that she was the closest relative (which she wasn't - it didn't come to anything).

I distinctly remember her turning her nose up at our tea set at grandma's funeral - half an hour later she walked out the door with a clock..............