Why does death bring out the worst in other family members?

Stressed_Out

I see it time & time again on here & also I've seen it so many times in real life..why is it when someone passes away grief often turns into greed? Why don't people make their own money? No one has a given right to receive inheritance.

I didn't expect anything when my dear Dad passed I got some of his personnel possessions which are much more valuable then any nought's on a bank cheque.

I've seen so many people been 'done over' by the vultures. I've heard & seen it all people making false promises then greed getting the better of them..My Dad once said to me when I told him about a family member doing the dirty on another "at least you can sleep at night". So true I've got a clear conscience shame others haven't.

JCS1

At a family funeral many years ago, just arrived in the funeral directors car outside the church, and a relative sitting in the car spots the deceased person's solicitor walking to the church "oooh, wonder if he is going to read the will today?"

We hadn't even had the funeral service at that point :mad: And she left it all to charity :T

geoffky

I was talking about this to my dad yesterday..He was telling me his brother is not very well and his wife is one tight cow who when my nan died she took everything but the thing is she is loaded but has things like incoming calls only on the phone...And she goes to the local oap clubs to get meals .
My brother and me fell out a few years ago and i am 99% sure the underlying problem was money..it corrupts people..

rachhh

Just a slightly more lighthearted way it brings out the worst...
My grandma before she passed lived on a static caravan site, and at her funeral all the residents came which I thought was nice, but then at the wake we caught them all raiding the buffet and putting bits into their bags etc... some even brought tupperware! Don't know if this was just a thing for their site or an elderly person thing in general... it did make me chuckle a bit though

mrsrwallace

yeah sometimes a bereavement does show the true colours of a person and often you see that the families were only held together by the glue which was the deceased. when they die there is often no reason to keep that connection and drift further apart. i agree with the above posts about the "vultures" and those who are only interested in what they gain rather than with the loss they have suffered.

paddy's_mum

mrsrwallace wrote: »

show the true colours of a person

The colours were always there - it just took the death to remove all restraint from the greedy, unpleasant one and for those who chose to turn a blind eye, for the sake of the loved one, to finally see what they formerly preferred not to notice.

I've yet to see a sweet-natured, helpful, loving soul turn into Cruella de Ville just because Ma died and there might be some spoils to be grabbed.

It's a bit like all these calls for the bankers to be 'made' to adhere to certain basic, decent standards. If they won't do it by virtue of the same rules of integrity and honour that govern human society, they sure as heck aren't going to do it just because of some petty law or two.

What's so funny is that you can have your passport photo signed and verified by a bank official ..... ! :rotfl:

Ames

It's not death, it's the inheritance that brings out the worst in people.

I'm sure that even if there was no house, sister would still be a cow over possessions. Even if it got down to the last teaspoon.

There should be a law that estates have to be dealt with by solicitors or some other regulated professional, with a cap on fees of a %age of the value.

littlerat

I think sometimes even with good people, it's about finding somewhere to concentrate other than on their loss. But yes, it definitely brings out the worst in people - have been on the receiving end a few times.

When Mum was dying/had died a lot of distant family members were around only until after the wake. Everything was left to Dad so... that was that. Goodbye, see you next time somebody dies.

Distant family members actually basically stole things from another relatives house after she died - couldn't prove who or that the things were there to begin with but we know it happened.



That said, I have been the person who was unexpectedly cut out of a will and that's surprisingly hurtful when while things weren't perfect, it had been changed and me (and others my side) led to believe otherwise. Unfortunately, that was a manipulative family member, which is what really hurts - knowing that person was manipulated into things not being how they wanted. I have no keepsakes or anything of that family member as the person who did inherit either ebayed it (found by chance some of it), or actually dumped some of it rather than let us have it - monetarily worthless items that I'd have loved as keepsakes.

It sounds like it's about the money at times but often it's not - I couldn't have cared less if the person died broke and happy. It's about knowing those person's wishes were disrespected, I'd feel the same if everything was supposed to be left to a charity and they were manipulated out of it.


But like in most cases, the most devious person wins at times. On the upside, I'm guilt free as I never used that person.


Long rambling post I know - I'm saying though that what often is assumed to be money grabbing isn't that simple in reality. Sometimes, but not always. Family history is always a part.

floss2

At the end of the day, memories are more precious than any amount of inherited wealth or keepsakes - and they cannot be taken away.

Stressed_Out

floss2 wrote: »

At the end of the day, memories are more precious than any amount of inherited wealth or keepsakes - and they cannot be taken away.

So true & 2 days before my dear Dad passed he told me that he loved me, no one can ever take that from me :-)

j.e.j.

Yes, I do know of someone who fell out with both their brothers over the inheritance when their mum died. They didn't speak to each other for decades.

Maybe people equate what they get with how worthy or valued they are as a family member.

I can't help thinking of Alvin Hall's advice about this, which went something a long the lines of: the death of a loved one is hardly the happiest route to financial success, even if it were reliable. You don't know, one of your cousins might have been aunt Mildred's real favourite..

You know I often think to myself half-jokingly that it might be better all round if the dying person leaves all their money to the local cats home :rotfl: At least there'd be no fighting and falling out about it then.