Preparedness for when

Nargleblast

In short - you're damned if you do and damned if you don't!

GreyQueen

When I was 19, I made the mistake of suggesting to another 19 y.o., a close friend, that a man in his late fifties who'd been divorced by three separate women, mightn't be the best possible choice of partner for her. Cost me the friendship (I was right, he was a dirty old man, and it didn't last). Sometimes in life, you get to chose between being right and being happy.

Never get between a couple unless, as Nargleblast said, they have done something truly appalling, but even then you won't be thanked for giving people a heads-up in most cases.

thriftwizard

One of my friends married the most awful bloke on the rebound from her ex. I think all of us wanted to say something, but held back; he was a self-confessed alcoholic who hadn't stopped, was over £80,000 in debt but refused to give up his Jag, and wrote the most terrible mawkish poetry. She was wife no. 5 but no. 4 ex was still very much in evidence, and attended their wedding, in floods of tears as she "still loved him but couldn't live with him" - it really was a disaster waiting to happen. Needless to say, she left him several times but always went back, usually on receipt of another ream of terrible sentimental poems; I think she was addicted to trying to "mend" people. Every time she left, he was back on the dating sites within a couple of hours, and no. 4 ex would be round with a case of lager to console him.

Sadly the strain of living on this awful roller-coaster was too much; she developed a strange infection of her spinal column, then six months later a very aggressive brain tumour and was dead within three weeks. The day before she died, he was sitting with us in floods of tears, saying, "But what will become of me?"... I think all of us believe that the incredible strain of living with this awful, needy, unpredictable man (who blamed her for everything, naturally) doomed her, and I really wish I'd tried to dissuade her when she first met him. I suspect she wouldn't have listened, though...

Just beware of truly dreadful sentimental poetry...

moneyistooshorttomention

thriftwizard wrote: »

One of my friends married the most awful bloke on the rebound from her ex. I think all of us wanted to say something, but held back; he was a self-confessed alcoholic who hadn't stopped, was over £80,000 in debt but refused to give up his Jag, and wrote the most terrible mawkish poetry. She was wife no. 5 but no. 4 ex was still very much in evidence, and attended their wedding, in floods of tears as she "still loved him but couldn't live with him" - it really was a disaster waiting to happen. Needless to say, she left him several times but always went back, usually on receipt of another ream of terrible sentimental poems; I think she was addicted to trying to "mend" people. Every time she left, he was back on the dating sites within a couple of hours, and no. 4 ex would be round with a case of lager to console him.

Sadly the strain of living on this awful roller-coaster was too much; she developed a strange infection of her spinal column, then six months later a very aggressive brain tumour and was dead within three weeks. The day before she died, he was sitting with us in floods of tears, saying, "But what will become of me?"... I think all of us believe that the incredible strain of living with this awful, needy, unpredictable man (who blamed her for everything, naturally) doomed her, and I really wish I'd tried to dissuade her when she first met him. I suspect she wouldn't have listened, though...

Just beware of truly dreadful sentimental poetry...

I can see EXACTLY where you are coming from on this one ThriftWizard and very much tend to agree with you on that. I think that's the thing imo - ie I tend to take the view personally that if I tried (as tactfully as someone as "straightforward" as myself can manage to do Tact - ahem.....) then I've done my bit.

I well know that the vast majority of people just won't listen if they don't want to - and can understand to a large extent.

But - once in a (probably very) Blue Moon then someone listens to a very very "low-key" cautionary comment and I take the view personally that "If they listen they listen and if they decide I'm a right "expletive deleted" for trying to do so - then oh well....".

I do rate warning someone that wasn't even a friend (in fact I didn't actually like her to be honest) that her Proposed Husband was a wife-beater type was the best thing to do. He started up "that darn wife-beating" but she left him before he had the chance to get right into it. Who knows whether she "saw sense" of herself/had had loads of "as tactful as possible" warnings or what. It boiled down to Job Done and she had the sense to Get Outa Dodge City the second he started....

************

Oh well....and this time of year is when one gets to hear about whats been happening in the lives of far-flung people over the last year. Cue for one totally expected thing (ie a redundancy a long-lost friend was expecting - and I agreed with him) and its happened:(. Another far-flung friend has had the death of someone close to her (not expected) and its repercussions. So far - got two people lined-up to stay here with me for holiday breaks over in West Wales over the coming year then. Both of whom have been warned that the weather here is Bad City stuff over the winter (but they are welcome to come then - if they don't mind horrendous wind and rain) - and warmly invited to spend a bit of time here during spring/summer period next year (ie normal weather in our opinions).

Mojoworking

nuatha wrote: »

Go to User CP (green menu across the screen, near thetop of the page. In the left hand side menu click "Edit Ignore List"
You may find it useful to copy the user name you wish to ignore and paste it into the box.

HTH

Thank you Nuatha x

VJsmum

Evening all

One such wedding was my brother's. We virtually had to sit on dad not to say anything during the ceremony. Originally dad wasn't even going to go.

They were separated within a year.

Mind, brother is now with a girl 16 years his junior, although she seems a nice girl...

When my sister and her OH separated, I didn't say anything bad about BiL - thank goodness as they are now back together..

moneyistooshorttomention

Mojoworking

- I've come to the conclusion by now personally that its not worth putting anyone on "ignore" as it just gets too confusing seeing that they've put up however-many posts (and they show up anyway as having been made) that the whole thread one is reading just gets too "disjointed" if you see what I mean if you stick troll and/or person you disagree with personally on "ignore".

Might as well leave things be - and scroll quickly past the posts concerned imo....and save them raising your blood pressure iyswim. HTH

Doveling

When Mr. Doveling asks me if I still love him when he is tired, grumpy and unloveable,
I tell him that's when he needs loving more

pineapple

On the subject of relationships a friend's partner not only made a move on me but ended up having a fully fledged relationship with her cousin. They were going through a rough patch at the time and he had always been a bit of a ladies man anyway.
We were all living overseas at the time and I knew if I said anything she would move back to England with the child. That said I suspected that deep down she knew anyway. Fast forward 15 years they are still together and as happy a family as you could wish to meet.
Another friend was in hospital having a pacemaker fitted when her husband made a move. What a heel eh? Told him to get himself a mucky magazine. A year later she was dead. She was genuinely happy in her marriage and I'm glad I didn't drop a bomb on what turned out to be her final months.
Speaking up isn't always the best option.

Mojoworking

Just finished reading last light that was recommended on here many moons ago really enjoyed it - thank you to whoever suggested it. I didn't realise how quickly the taps would stop working. I know some of you rotate big water holders but if you don't do that is it basically a case of filling bath and all pans etc asap? Did it stop as soon as the electric went off or is there a time lag?

I honestly can't get over how warm it is I've woken up as I'm too warm. All these fleecy pjs are too much need to root out the summer ones.