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Preparedness for when

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Comments

  • Frugalsod
    Frugalsod Posts: 2,966 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I see your point jko :rotfl:

    I've certainly attended a friends wedding some years back where I was virtually counting down to the divorce already - but couldn't say anything obviously to effect of "Don't do it Di".

    I've lost touch with her over the years and suspect it was basically down to a mutual embarrassment as to whether to raise the subject with her of the newspaper article I'd recently read about what her husband had been up to:eek:. You can't exactly say "Saw the article. Sorry you find you've married someone like that. Are you going to divorce him now you know what he's like (ie the Police now do....)?"
    The thing is that people are blinded by love or circumstances. Personally you are best to say absolutely nothing. There may be other dynamics which you do not know about which might make it a successful marriage. Even after the end of the marriage be there for your friend but do not dive in and criticise their ex as they might be trying to reconcile.
    It's really easy to default to cynicism these days, since you are almost always certain to be right.
  • nuatha
    nuatha Posts: 1,932 Forumite
    Does anyone know how to block or ignore someone please. I'm on a phone.

    Can't believe how warm it is I'm sure we were promised the coldest Christmas for 50 years!!

    Go to User CP (green menu across the screen, near thetop of the page. In the left hand side menu click "Edit Ignore List"
    You may find it useful to copy the user name you wish to ignore and paste it into the box.

    HTH
  • Does anyone know how to block or ignore someone please. I'm on a phone.

    Can't believe how warm it is I'm sure we were promised the coldest Christmas for 50 years!!

    Oh I didn't know there was an ignore list option, thanks for that, though I wouldn't know where it was on the phone, I found it in the personal profile of the user in question and there's a pull down box marked user lists, it's an option there.
  • Frugalsod
    Frugalsod Posts: 2,966 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    Does anyone know how to block or ignore someone please. I'm on a phone.

    Can't believe how warm it is I'm sure we were promised the coldest Christmas for 50 years!!
    For iPhone use this as guide

    https://discussions.apple.com/thread/5348958?start=0&tstart=0

    For android

    http://www.wikihow.com/Block-a-Number-on-Android
    It's really easy to default to cynicism these days, since you are almost always certain to be right.
  • Frugalsod
    Frugalsod Posts: 2,966 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary Combo Breaker
    I guess that they are delighted with the engagement ring.

    funny_pictures_of_the_day_17.jpg
    It's really easy to default to cynicism these days, since you are almost always certain to be right.
  • fuddle
    fuddle Posts: 6,823 Forumite
    I don't like to be proved right when it effects someone negatively but I guess it's something that doesn't happen to me very often. I'm far from naïve but don't really think the worst of people. They have to have done something to me or mine for me to think in a negative way.

    Life is nicer without negativity because from what I've seen from people around me those that think in such a way only ever grow bitter as the years go on. I learned that before I was 12 years old being around an elderly aunt who enjoyed being proved right - and if she wasn't she would share her thoughts of disdain about people that seemingly were only in her own bitter mind. She fed off her own woe me that was fuelled by nastiness.

    I really feel for people who are like that because it's self serving misery.
  • moneyistooshorttomention
    moneyistooshorttomention Posts: 17,940 Forumite
    edited 19 December 2015 at 3:13PM
    Frugalsod wrote: »
    The thing is that people are blinded by love or circumstances. Personally you are best to say absolutely nothing. There may be other dynamics which you do not know about which might make it a successful marriage. Even after the end of the marriage be there for your friend but do not dive in and criticise their ex as they might be trying to reconcile.

    True - it was circumstances, not love in that case. Friend was a woman who had always been determined to get married and didn't feel she had "much choice" re men who would do so (a fact I only knew when I asked her if she loved him - and the answer basically boiled down to "no" and she then started listing the reasons she was marrying him).

    All the wrong reasons for getting married then...:(

    But - obviously I took the view of "being there" if wanted. It is very difficult when a friends husband becomes "known to the Police" - and you have to wait for them to make the first move (eg saying "I wish I'd known what he was like. I'm seeing my solicitor for a divorce later this week"). Them not saying a word means you don't know whether they are going to stay with someone like that regardless - and then you honestly don't know just what to say yourself (as you're so busy "biting your tongue").
  • fuddle
    fuddle Posts: 6,823 Forumite
    Your posts baffle me MTSTM. You recently saw a newspaper article but you lost touch with her years ago over whether to raise the article or not.

    I'm out.
  • GreyQueen
    GreyQueen Posts: 13,008 Forumite
    Tenth Anniversary 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Photogenic
    :p I've long since given up any pretense of character-judgement when meeting the partners/ spouses of friends. One couple I thought would never last (I'd kept schtumm, as always) have celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary very happily, proving I know nowt.:rotfl:
    Every increased possession loads us with a new weariness.
    John Ruskin
    Veni, vidi, eradici
    (I came, I saw, I kondo'd)
  • Nargleblast
    Nargleblast Posts: 10,763 Forumite
    Part of the Furniture 10,000 Posts Name Dropper Debt-free and Proud!
    Even if you know someone's relationship is a disaster waiting to happen, it's often best to say nothing. If the couple fall out, you won't get any thanks for being proved right, and if you add your two pennorth when your friend is !!!!!ing away, it could get very embarrassing later if the couple kiss and make up!

    Unless you know for a fact the potential new partner has a history of violence/sex offences - now that would be a good reason for speaking up, but you might not be thanked for it!
    One life - your life - live it!
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