Preparedness for when

Wyre

I was born in the mid 70's so it was the 80's and early 90's when I noticed the difference between our family and everyone else. We weren't poor poor but with 5 kids money was tight.

Dad always had a job - the companies he worked for occasionally went down, but he was good at what he did and was never out of work. He always told the tale of when he was told he was going to be made redundant. He found another job immediately that would start in a few weeks time, so he took a cleaning job until the other started. It's a shame that SOME folks nowadays don't have this get up and go, although it is definitely not as easy now.

If the parents didn't have the money, it wasn't bought. They saved hard all year to take us away to Devon every summer. We never had a foreign holiday.

I got a morning paper round at 13 and was working in the newsagents on a Saturday morning by the time was 14. With this money I paid half my music lessons, and when I wanted to go on music trips with the school I paid half of that too. I did the same with my daughter when she wanted to go to the US with the school. There was no way we could afford the whole cost so she paid some and the rest was given as Christmas and birthday presents from all the family including us. She had to work for my Mum to pay the excess.

This has rubbed off on her. She is at uni and when she gets her loan she immediately pays her rent (bills included), then puts her phone bill away for the number of months 'til the next amount comes in. Next comes the coach home - bought months in advance so great prices, and so on. She works for an agency doing any hours they want when she is home, she isn't fussy, works hard and the factory she goes to loves her. She even talked over buying a new coat with me. I pointed out that a good coat is an investment that can last for years, but a fashion coat that will a)wear out and probably be poor quality b) hardly be worn is a waste of money. She chose well, I think!

My kids have never had the latest phones or handheld devices. We have one laptop in the house and it is mine that I bought for Uni 8 years ago - it is still going well thanks! My pc I bought with a small inheritance. Didn't buy a pre-made got a better spec buying the components and putting it together at home - that's what Hubby is for! With 3 teens at home all needing to do their homework online these days we needed another machine, one laptop didn't cut it.

I am rambling but I guess I am saying I do see a difference between different people. It amazes me that people would put themselves in huge amounts of debt to pay for Christmas. I worry for those I know to be on benefits buying their children all the devices and gadgets. I know they think they are doing the best for the children but what sort of lessons are those children actually learning?

Margaret54

great post Ali

fuddle

Bikes may be cheap but they are rubbish. My eldest has a tesco bike and only learned to ride it without stabilsers at the age of 8. The reason being it was poorly designed, far too heavy, peddle too close to the frame - bow legged etc.

I would never buy a cheap bike ever. When we're in the position to get my youngest a bike it will be a second hand bike that was originally much more expensive.

The youngsters of today (I'm 34 and still consider myself in the era of 'youngsters' because we were brought up in 'easy come easy go' times) have learned from somewhere that it's acceptable to behave the way they do with money. I learned from my elder's, their friends, their showing off, their snobbery that it's what you do in the 90's. You get the plane to far flung places, you re-mortgage houses over and over, you get out debt, you reward yourselves because you desreve it and it's acceptable to get this money. I have the 55-65 year olds around me today to thank for my diabolical financial behaviour in my early 20's.

My generation, the 30 somethings, the people who are bringing up families nowadays have grown and learned from an era of 'easy come easy go' and to some extent have to lie some of that blame on the doorstep of parenting in the late 90's/early00's.

Of course it's a generalison and many of you who are on here will be affronted with my suggesting it because you're so obviously not that way inclined and have been brought up well. Some of us haven't been around the same nouse as you all possess even though their parents were very much living by the ethos we all live in today.

Societal attitudes changed some 20 years ago and some of us got caught up in it very nastily.

Only through adversity will we learn, so maybe something good will come out of all this mess and we'll grow as solid, independent human beings that realise that we have ourselves to look after and that we're not owed a damn thing.

Throw away society? Easy come easy go? Here, have it when you want it, pay it back later? I deserve, I will get get? I need not take responsibility for myself because the state will bail me out? Nah, these attitudes have killed our core values and only now will people learn the skills and values needed for a decent society on the whole and a decent drive to succeed as an individual.

Margaret54

moments of sanity Your girls sound wonderful and what a great grounding they have had.
My children are all adults now, and we had very little to spend. I think it keeps your feet on the ground and teaches you the important things in life. I often look around me while out and see things which make me feel sorry for the children.
Even things like young women and young men I will add and instead of talking to the child in the pram/pushchair/buggy they are walking along texting constantly. I saw a young man in the town centre a few years ago at about 11 am pushing a buggy and texting and then drinking beer from a bottle and not too steady on his feet either. I used to love chatting to the children while pushing them in their pram/pushchair and pointing out different things to them along the way. This upsets me when I see this. There are a lot of great young parents out there too of course but I just feel sad for the children when I see this. There are some very spoilt children out there too who are used to having the latest this and that and their attitudes are not nice either because if this.

homesteadchick

Margaret54 wrote: »

There are some very spoilt children out there too who are used to having the latest this and that and their attitudes are not nice either because if this.

I think it's not the having this and that, that is at fault. I think it's the attitude in which it is given that is to blame.
It's the conversation that goes along with giving your children stuff.

Or as you metioned, the lack of conversation.

Wyre

fuddle wrote: »

Bikes may be cheap but they are rubbish. My eldest has a tesco bike and only learned to ride it without stabilsers at the age of 8. The reason being it was poorly designed, far too heavy, peddle too close to the frame - bow legged etc.

I would never buy a cheap bike ever. When we're in the position to get my youngest a bike it will be a second hand bike that was originally much more expensive.

The youngsters of today (I'm 34 and still consider myself in the era of 'youngsters' because we were brought up in 'easy come easy go' times) have learned from somewhere that it's acceptable to behave the way they do with money. I learned from my elder's, their friends, their showing off, their snobbery that it's what you do in the 90's. You get the plane to far flung places, you re-mortgage houses over and over, you get out debt, you reward yourselves because you desreve it and it's acceptable to get this money. I have the 55-65 year olds around me today to thank for my diabolical financial behaviour in my early 20's.

My generation, the 30 somethings, the people who are bringing up families nowadays have grown and learned from an era of 'easy come easy go' and to some extent have to lie some of that blame on the doorstep of parenting in the late 90's/early00's.

Of course it's a generalison and many of you who are on here will be affronted with my suggesting it because you're so obviously not that way inclined and have been brought up well. Some of us haven't been around the same nouse as you all possess even though their parents were very much living by the ethos we all live in today.

Societal attitudes changed some 20 years ago and some of us got caught up in it very nastily.

Only through adversity will we learn, so maybe something good will come out of all this mess and we'll grow as solid, independent human beings that realise that we have ourselves to look after and that we're not owed a damn thing.

Throw away society? Easy come easy go? Here, have it when you want it, pay it back later? I deserve, I will get get? I need not take responsibility for myself because the state will bail me out? Nah, these attitudes have killed our core values and only now will people learn the skills and values needed for a decent society on the whole and a decent drive to succeed as an individual.

Ok for the record I am only nearly 38, and yes for those that read back over my posts this means I had my eldest when I was 16.

You can only base your judgements on what you see around you and I guess it all depends on how your parents were brought up. My Dad was 10 years older than my uncle and at 16 when his father died, he left a brilliant public school that he had a full scholarship for to get a job to help keep a roof over his little brother's head and food on the table. He had wanted to be a doctor but gave that dream for his family. Mum was the only child of older parents. They lived in a house with her grandparents. All the adults worked and if you didn't have the cash then you saved until you did.

I look round my living room and nothing was bought new bar the laptop and pc - paid with cash not credit. My desk was made from wood in the reduced section of B&Q. The sofas were given to us, the tv cabinet was given to me when I moved into my first flat. The tv was going to be thrown away by a friend and the filing cabinet was waiting to be taken away by the scrap man at the school. They were more than happy for me to have it. Even our car was given to us by my s-i-l.

The same can't be said for a lot of friends, even the ones with well paid jobs. They waste money everywhere, put off essential repairs until it is too late and the item (including cars :eek:) have to be scrapped or thrown away and run up debts on credit. It bewilders me.

GreyQueen

Fuddle, you've always struck me as a commonsensical, sorted young woman, with her head screwed on right, and willing to learn new things.

I found it thought-provoking to read your post above and consider the behaviours which seem almost incomprehensibly spendthrift to a lot of us are actually symptomatic of being brought up in a certain historical period, by families whose values were shaped by that era, and not informed by a wider perspective. In a sense, victims of their conditioning.

Wastefulness makes me cross, but I do feel a degree of pity for those who are going to have to adapt from living in an age of plenty to an age of hardship. A lot of people won't take kindly to having their expectations overturned, and who can blame them, when the whole culture was telling them that this was the way to go.

I can still recall stifling giggles one day about 25 years ago when someone tried to cold-call my Dad on the phone to sell him a fitted kitchen. Dad - the anti-matter of consumerism. Tele-selling was relatively new to him and he was far too polite to interupt the young lady's spiel.

When she ran out of sales pitch, he told her gently we had a fitted kitchen, it came with the house. It didn't; they have an undersink cupboard, a wall cupboard, a sideboard and a small pantry. To Dad it was fitted insomuch as it fitted inside the walls of the kitchen.

You're right about the pushbikes being rubbish btw. Even my 1991 Raleigh 3 speed man's bike was inferior to the same make bought in the 1970s or earlier. Look for a robust older bike second hand, you'll be more satisfied with it, I think.

[Deleted User]

FUDDLE and WYRE brilliant posts both making very valid points. I too know many people of my age who have no pension to speak of, who are maybe self employed, who buy everything they see without thinking of anything other than 'I want it', who still have extended mortgages, who go abroad on holiday 5 and 6 times a year, who live the high life or so it seems, but they can't afford to stop working because they would have such a tiny income they would be in dire straits. I also know many people my age who like us, have paid off the mortgage early, live sensibly and frugally have retired and like us tailored thier garment according to thier cloth. We too needed a new computer a couple of years ago and He Who Knows also got the component parts and built it himself, he can fix most things because he's always fixed most things and we, as you know, provide as much of our own food as we can and I am lucky enough to have the skills needed to preserve what we grow and cook things from scratch to give us a better standard of life. We too own very few things that have been got new, both of us buy into that philosophy.

It must be very difficult to come from the first scenario background and make sense of the second, FUDDLE has a very valid point in that in your teenage years you are totally influenced by what is percieved to be 'normal' living and it can take you in life to some difficult places. FUDS you have done so very well in turning round your life, and you have learned and are still picking up the skills you need to keep yourselves above water, so you are living proof that it can be done and all credit to you for being the person who has achieved so much. WYRE you too are living proof that it doesn't have to be detrimental to live an older fashioned life style, I'll bet a lot of your peers are mystified as to why it is your choice, but all credit to you too for sticking to your principles and not caving in to 'being the same' as everyone else.

You are both inspirational role models for your children, and I'm certain that both sets will end up as sensible and self sufficient adults with a set of skills and mindset to allow them to live sustainable and comfortable lives within thier means and managing very well on thier income, you can both be proud of who you are and what you have made of your very different life experiences, Love Lyn xxx.

ArthriticOldThing

Some great posts on here today.

I was a fifties child, the oldest of three, and we lived on one wage - my father was a miner. My mother was a great 'stretcher' - although I did not realise that until I was much older. She baked bread, cakes, biscuits, cooked meals from scratch, knitted everything woolly and made our clothes on an old treadle sewing machine. (How I wish I had that machine now). Everyone we knew lived the same way. I did not realise you could buy cakes etc til was in my teens :eek:.

When I married my DH he was already retired (he was almost 30 years older than me) we lived and brought up two boys on his pension so the lessons I had learned early in life were very useful. The boys never had massive amounts spent on them at birthdays or Christmas (no massive amounts to spend) but we tried to get them things they would enjoy and we had 'special' days out - luckily we live along a beautiful coastline - and in an area with lots of history.

Everything was cash, and if we did not have the money for something it was not bought.

Some of it must have rubbed off as the eldest was bragging proudly last week about how far he had made a chicken stretch. :rotfl:He and his wife have good - but hard - jobs but they resent throwing things out or wasting food.:T (They are both in their early thirties now.) And the recipes he would like me to pass on to them are of very basic north eastern food - the things I, my parents and grandparents, grew up with.

I'm struggling financially now because of ill health and am having to learn how to cook differently as much of the food I have used over the years I am now unable to eat.:mad::mad:

Meant to say fuddle, excellent post.

Wyre

MrsLurcherwalker, you made me a bit teary there. I don't feel like an inspiration and have certainly made mistakes (don't have children in your teens folks! It's hard going, costs a fortune and boy do you get judged (but I wouldn't change my kids for the world))! I just want the best for my family so that they can cope with whatever life throws at them, but above all to be happy.