My ex husbands fiancee is being a problem!

weepingtree

Can't quote for some strange reason.

Fosterdog, I think the diary route is a very good idea and one that I will be starting I think, but and its a big but, I Know ! my Oh will go mad if I even suggest this to him

I am sure one reason he is doing nothing is because he may be scared of what she will do re access. I don't know this for a fact but it is the only reason I can think of for him letting his kids suffer without even talking to their mum about it.

As I said I'm really confused as to how to go forward.

weepingtree

shellsuit wrote: »

Why don't you ask your ex to meet you and your son somewhere (just the 3 of you) so you can ask your son about those situations with nobody else there.

Surely your ex can't ignore him if she's not there breathing down his neck??

His OH can't get annoyed with that, as your OH wouldn't be there either.




I had my ex's GF slag me off in front of our 2 children years ago. Ex didn't have a problem with it.

I told him I did and the kids did (they were upset) and that if it happened again, the kids wouldn't be going to stay with them.

If I thought one of my children were being upset by someone, I wouldn't allow them to go there unless the matter was sorted.

Shell suit my Oh's kids tell him all the time without mum breathing down their neck, sadly this makes no difference in their case as he still says or does nothing

FatVonD

She obviously sees you as some kind of threat, would it be worth trying to get to know her to put her mind at rest or is she a total nutter?

If not I'd consider a sound activated dictaphone (that your kids know nothing about) in a backpack.

missprice

As above but I would suggest a nannycam if at all possible
there will then be indisputable evidence of what she does or does not do.
obviously do not tell anyone that your doing this:)

I would deffo get some proof and then take it further

eskimo26

missprice wrote: »

As above but I would suggest a nannycam if at all possible
there will then be indisputable evidence of what she does or does not do.
obviously do not tell anyone that your doing this:)

I would deffo get some proof and then take it further

I was going to post with the same idea, spycam or hidden dictophone, very well hidden mind!

Then you post it to him when you get something irrefutable [you may have to be patient don't settle for small fry], and tell him to sort it out or you will be sending it to the social and/or stopping access.

This could be doing untold damage to your child, have you told him if he doesn't want to go he doesn't have to? If he says he doesn't want to go it could be a good way to gauge how badly he is being affected.

lemon1

I popped on here yesterday to have a look at the replies and have mulled over all the advice you have so kindly taken the time to give.. thank you, all of you

Fbaby, clearingout and martinthebandit- thank you for your replies too- they gave me something to think about...

I have decided to follow the advice of keeping a diary, I shan't be asking my son for details (I never did anyway), but whenever he mentions anything I'll be jotting them down in my book with the intention of going through it with the ex at a later date. (Thanks Fosterdog, shellsuit and again clearingout)

I have asked my son if ever he doesn't want to go to his dads he only has to say, my son absolutely loves his dad though and quite often he won't know if his dads fiancee will be there (they don't live together!) until he gets there which makes it difficult.

My son told me yesterday she is often left alone with him to look after him whilst his dad is out, he says she shouts at him, won't let him out the house or go and see his grandmother who lives next door. I've been ever so upset thinking of him trapped in a house with this woman and having nobody to talk to or help him. I'm livid my ex lets this go on.

FatvonD- she is a nutter.. I'm afraid our last "talk" ended in me chucking her out on the street, she has a blazing temper, a foul mouth and a brazen attitude.

Thanks again everyone

Fosterdog

Could you tell your son that if she shouts at him again he has to go straight to him grandmother and tell her what's happening?
Tell him that his dads girlfriend is not allowed to stop him from going and he can just walk out and go next door.

Of course this would depend entirely on your son and I can fully understand if you'd not want him doing this.

Seanymph

Does your son have a mobile?

Against all common suggestion I was forced to give my kids a mobile in their cases when they were 6 and 7 so they could call me to go and get them if they needed me to.

If he has a mobile he could perhaps call his granny to come next door if he feels frightened by her and granny could pop straignt round? Or is he near enough for you to immediately go fetch him?

Mine were given them because one weekend my daughter was ill, and just wanted to come home. The house they visited with their dad has four of her children and her in, and it was noisy and busy and they were sleeping on the floor - she wanted her own bed and was really very sick, temperature, throwing up...... he wouldn't allow her to use the phone to call me. By the time she came home on the Sunday she sobbed for hours and hours.

I bought them a pay as you go to go in the bag the next day.

poet123

I must say I have no experience of this so you may wish to disregard what I say but no way would my child be put in a position where he was trapped in a house with someone like that, when, to him, safety was next door. I would do as someone suggested and arrange a meeting for the three of you and thrash it out. That, as you have described it, is child abuse.

kerrypn

OP When I was a child I had a step mum who treated me pretty much the same and it got worse and worse-she only did it when no one was around and always said I was the liar/twisted it around so I got told off by my dad.

It really knocked my self confidence and for some years I felt really bitter that no one around me tried to help or stop it.

I think you need to tell your ex he can see your son as much as he likes, but the girlfriend is not to see your son. Its just not worth making your child unhappy for.

At the end of the day, you have given your ex time to sort this out and he hasn't. The girlfriend has no connection or reason she must be there when your son visits.

Good luck OP