dont know where to start

[Deleted User]

heyboots wrote: »

The kids are a big thing though, as a mum how do you cope with the guilt of not being able to give them what you want to? I suspect I need to readjust my goals and my goal should be helping them grow up equipped with an understanding of the value of money and a good role model on how to budget, that will make then happier in the long run than xbox games! but i do feel guilty that if I hadn't squandered all this money I could give them holidays/"stuff" - any tips on how to flick that switch in my head

Time will probably be the best cure for this, as you will realise that kids enjoy doing really cheap and free things as much, if not more, than expensive activities! Often a camping trip near by is sometimes a lot more exciting than an expensive foreign holiday!

Not sure the ages of your kids but check what free/cheap activities are run in your area, save up vouchers from places like tesco for cheap/free days out, and keep an eye on other deals and offers about.

wannabee_in_credit

You'd be surprised what keeps kids happy - my daughter loves her DS, but she knows that she has to save her pocket money if she wants a new game. At 7 she's learning the lessons that I wish I had learned when I was younger, that things aren't just given because you want them. She loves saving up for stuff that she wants, and her weekly treat from me is either chocolate when we're shopping, ice cream or a magazine. She knows I'll get what she needs but she has to help with the stuff she wants.
This isn't a problem with my son yet as he's only 4 but he also saves pocket money for things he wants (usually balloons and footballs).
I suspect that this may become more of an issue as they get older and need to keep up with their peers in terms of clothes/shoes/gadgets. However, I will give what I would be prepared to pay for a coat for example, and if they want a better one then they pay the extra.
My kids also really like helping with cooking, and they have little chores to earn their pocket money. It may seem cruel, but to me it's giving them a good grounding for the future.
Good luck with your journey - you'll find lots of support and help here.
xxx

flippin36

Pocket money was my cure for buying stuff for the kids. I upped their pocket money a little but on condition that they bought all non essential things themselves. Its funny how stingy they become when spending their own money.....

Definitely google "free stuff to do in...." (fill in your area) it will amaze you what comes up. You will have to cost in petrol, but try where you can to park for free (ie down a quiet road and walk to destination). Don't fall for the "everyone else is going abroad/everyone else has one spiel...." I get together with fellow parents and it turns out they don't all get this that and the other. I used to use the line "yes but so and so doesn't have a dog/little brother/big garden?..........." Fill in the blank as we all have something special. My daughter who is prone to complaining about her lack of stuff came home from a school trip saying everyone was very impressed she had an electric toothbrush! lol.

heyboots

thanks guys, a lifestyle shift is definitely required! my kids are 7 & 11, neither of them are the kind of kids that ask for lots of stuff and they often say things like "I'd really like x but its very expensive, so I know it would be too much for you to buy" and i think that breaks my heart even more! our families are generous with them too so they wont miss out. I suspect this is more my issue than theirs!!!

The free time thing is a problem. I work part time as a photographer (as well as my other job 4 days a week) and 90% of the work I have to do doesnt even involve lifting a camera so I do lots of editing and processing and designing at home so I feel guilty about that too. Unfortunately I can't cut back on that at the moment as we need th emoney so I suppose I often overcompensate when we do have free time by doing expensive activities/buying "stuff".

heyboots

well... i just did thesnowball calculator and I'm off to cry in the corner for a bit - heres the good news!

"It will take you 563 months to pay off these debts if you snowball correctly. During that time, you'll pay £100,379,182.00 in interest"


I'll just be here, rocking back and forward for a little while, arms tightly round myself! I suppose I have to face up to this stuff sooner rather than later! June 2059 is my predicted debt free date...

stewil18

I'm guessing there is no overpayment in that snowball???

I'm also hoping that the £100 million interest is a typo

I guess i would echo what a lot of other people are saying above, look where you can cut, especially on the 'luxury' items.

When i first looked at my debts and what was going out each month, it was scary, but honesty and boards like these can be a great help, if only to vent your spleen at somebody or to get some good ideas.

I think you'll be surprised how easily you can claw £200 a month back as long as you are honest with yourself and are willing to give some things up.

See last night as the darkest moment, it will only get brighter from here on in!

stewil18

One thing i've noticed from your SOA is you have £1000 cash and a Next bill of £985 and you are paying £104 a month on it.

To my mind, clear that card and you are half way to finding the extra you need to get a positive income per month.

heyboots

stewil18 wrote: »

One thing i've noticed from your SOA is you have £1000 cash and a Next bill of £985 and you are paying £104 a month on it.

To my mind, clear that card and you are half way to finding the extra you need to get a positive income per month.

why didnt I see that? thankyou!!!

I AM kinda clinging to that cash, the main reason I'm scared to release it is I'm scared at xmas or other points where I am going to be "Low" that i do something really stupid like take out a payday loan, if I have an emergency fund im less likely, but then again I think I just need to get my head around the fact I cant afford the luxury of keeping that £1k?

I'm also waiting on the outcome of a front loaded ppi claim from lloyds tsb for a loan I just finished paying, its not on my SOA but I only recently finished paying an extra £270 per month on a lloyds tsb loan, I had £3.5k front loaded ppi on it 7 years ago so - although I'm trying not to rely on it, I am *hopeful* its been 8 weeks now but I received a letter last week saying it could take ANOTHER 8 weeks and from reading on here even if its upheld, the payments dont seem exactly speedy!!!

hmmmm I guess its time to cash the shares (the £1000 cash is in shares)

thegasman01

Hi, new to this forum. dont worry about Un-secured debts, as long as you offer £1 per month by standing order, there is little they can do about it. If your excess money left over from paying your priority debts is £10, then thats all they can get. I had a £9000 natwest credit card which i paid £1 per month for a couple of years. I stopped paying the £1 and they forgot to chase me for a further 6 years. (became statute barred). I also paid some debts of at a very reduced rate After a couple of years, I said i could make a one off payent to clear they debt. I am happy to say, I thought my world was ending when I could no longer get credit, but in reality it was the best thing that ever happened, it might seem hopeless, but its is not. I am no longer in debt, I have a card IF in an emergency if i need it, but i pay for everything now in cash that I saved up for. If you dont need it, dont buy it If you have it and dont need it sell it. I have a far better life style now, than i did years ago
You will get horrible letters where they will do this or that, (I had many). I offered my payments and that was it. Most is just Bluff, hot air. Dont go through any company offering debt solutions. Just do it yourself. Get all of your unsecured debts in one pile, calculate how much excess you have and offer a payment as a percentage of the value of the debt. I would though ask for every creditor to Validate their debts first. They must give you PROOF you owe, regardless if you have been paying or not. No Proof -No Debt.

Your on the road to becoming free from debt slavery, because thats all it is and it is painful at the start, but it does get better. DONT feel guilty, its not your fault (If banks go under then what hope is their for normal people)

heyboots

Thank you, I'd been a few days late but NEVER missed or made a reduced payment until last month, I realy thought i'd have bailliffs at the door if I didnt pay the full amount! Ive had one text, thats it so far!

how would they validate the debt? is that with a signed credit agreement?

What if they cannot do this? what effect does that have?

I'm actually perversely looking forward to not having credit, I'm probably romanticising a bit here but the thought of a simpler life really appeals just now (may not appeal so much when im having supernoodles on toast 5 nights in a row )