How to turn down an offer without offending the in-laws?

Dunroamin

The best Christmas my husband and I had with my parents was when we booked a holiday flatlet nearby and visited most days. Although it was our idea, my parents also thought it was brilliant and recommended the arrangement to friends.

I don't see why your in laws would be at all upset at the idea.

Lozzy88

I would just say something along the lines of you have spoilt the surprise (yourself or your partner without the others knowledge) has already booked a non refundable hotel room just near to where you live, I thought it would be great to spend christmas day with you and i didnt want to put you out for a WHOLE week (say it like your doing them a favour)

sorry not a great speller but you get my drift...? hopefully

ognum

I would go with staying a couple of nights and then moving on and enjoying a holiday.

I would also suggest you reflect on your relationship with your partners mother, the reason why it is how it is and the ways you can help to change it a little.

When I was young I had a poor relationship with my MIL, at the time I thought it was her fault on reflection and after a lot of thought and soak searching I believe it was both of us being inflexible and unable to understand the other, if I had the relationship now I would have handled it in a very different way.

So for your future mental health look at yourself as well as her, relationships are between two people.

marisco_2

bluff wrote: »

The only problem being that the last time I stayed with them I ended up nearly wanting to murder his mum!

She is lovely in small doses and they are very generous, but I just don't think it would be a very relaxing Christmas/New Year, despite their beautiful house and the weather. Because it's a 9 hour flight we would have to go for at least a week to make it worthwhile.

I can totally relate to your first sentence. I felt the same way about my MIL too

I think you have answered your own question really. If she is okay in small doses then decide how long is acceptable to you to be in her company for. Arrange it so as you stay with them for this long then go off and explore for the rest of your holiday. It seems wasteful to travel that far and restrict yourself to being in one small area of such a fabulous place.

So if they are on the coast then say that you want to head off and do all the disney parks etc. Or vice versa. They would be easily offended if you had travelled that far to see them, spent the important days with them and then not done something just for the two of you.