A stay at home mummy who wants to be a mfw - Yes I can and Yes I will!

I_want_a_baby

Just redeemed a £25 House of Fraser voucher from SB!! :T
New SB balance - 296SB

Did my daily clicks for once on SP and new balance is now 824SP.

Got to go now but a great start to October here!

Stacey

I_want_a_baby

I have been thinking a lot about the impending house move. I can't say I have been truly happy since I have given up work to be a SAHM. On paper I have everything I need to be happy yet in my personal life there have been many difficult circumstances in my surrounding family & friends this coupled with the lack of sleep with young children and my feeling of not being worth anything have resulted in me often feeling low.

I wanted to write down a few things so I can refer back and remind myself where I am at and where I am heading ~ onwards & upwards.

Where I am now:

• About to move into our first mortgaged home together giving us security and the ability to make it 'ours'.
• The move will increase our finances immensely.
• Happily married to a wonderful husband.
• Have two lovely children.
• Have just got a new career.

Where I am heading & what I need to do:

• Make sure my husband & I make the time & money available to spend quality time together 'just us'.
• Make sure I allow myself to create the family home I dream of - we are worth it and as long as we can afford it - it is ok!
• Make sure we acheive the emergency fund target as soon as we can without too much pressure - this will ensure money doesn't have to worry us too much.
• Make sure I turn the TV off and engage/play with the children more - this means actually sitting on the floor or running around the garden and actually 'doing'.
• Make time to study for the new career as well as working - this will give me satisfaction, make me feel more comfortable at knowing the job and increase my earning potential.

Also my husband & I were discussing what little luxuries we could allow ourselves which would make us feel that we were living 'our dream life now' - we decided on the following list:
Keeping the fruit bowl full - A full fruit bowl makes us eat more fruit & be more healthy.
Nice smelling washing - People who I admire always have nice smelling clothes - we make our own very diluted washing powder which smells of nothing. We have decided to allow ourselves to buy laundry liquid & fabric conditioner.
Burning nice smelling candles - we have been given a few posh yankee candles but barely ever burn then - our house can get a bit whiffy with nappy changes and the like - so I have actually been burning them in the day and the house smells divine!
Face, Hair & Perfume - as a SAHM I normally pull on any outfit glance in the mirror, scrape my hair up, clean teeth and I'm done. All the people I envy at the nursery gates always have put some make up on, done their hair & smell nice - I look at these people and think I would have to have money to look like them yet actually their clothes aren't the most new or fashionable but the time they have spent on themselves make them look admirable. So I am going to try and make 15 mins of me time each morning to make myself feel better about myself.
Buying meat from the butchers - If we eat slightly less rubbish we can afford to buy meat from the butchers which is better for our health, more tasty and we will be less tempted with junk food as they dont sell it!
Enjoying good coffee - We don't actually drink much coffee normally just a cup in the morning but before kids we used to drink ground coffee and now we just use instant - we need to go back to our roots and enjoy a proper coffee in the morning.
Bubble baths & relaxation - The bath here takes an age to fill up despite being a half size one, yet I love to just wallow in a candlelit bath for a while and have some me time and pamper myself - I had a bath last night for the first time in months (normally have a shower). I want to try and have a weekly bath once the kids are in bed and I have some peace & quiet.

I think this is it for now - what are your luxury items that make you feel good and happy?

Stacey x

happycamel_2

hey, I'm at work at the moment (14 days to go) but I'm about to become a SAHM too - 2nd baby due early December. I've started a diary with my user name but I've been reading yours and will post more later. It'll be good to share tips, I'm really scared about not working anymore.

I_want_a_baby

Hi Happycamel!

After being a SAHM for almost 3 years now I have concluded the following:

I need to work for my own stimulation & wellbeing (not for money), I think it will make me a better mum as I will have work for me - I am only working evenings though so I can be a SAHM.

I started the SAHM journey by cutting EVERYTHING back to the bare bones, over the years I have realised I need some money available for day to day spends - Yes there are lots of free things to do and I do a lot of them often but to break the routine/mundane days you need a little cash to spend on things like toddler groups, swimming, a small treat, craft items, parking for visiting country parks etc etc.

I have also realised as per my above post that I need to allow myself a few treats in order to really enjoy life and feel happy 'in the now' - I am important and I do deserve some luxuries.

This diary has been fantastic for making me realise what is important and also keeping me focused!


I have read your diary too & look forward to following your journey xx

I_want_a_baby

I have been doing a lot of pondering on the question of balance within my life in two main areas:

Money - Balance between saving for house/emergency/bills and spending on fun/happiness/living for now.

Time - Spending time with kids/husband/friends/myself - for things that are necessary, time spent to improve the house, have fun, improve our health - more walks etc.

I have been trying to decide what my goals are, once I know my goals I can decide on the best way to work towards them.

So far I have decided that the 'living the dream' goals are:

Money - Food Shopping - I want to increase this to £200 per month (from £180). Aim to spend £40pm at the butchers at the beginning of the month stocking up on meat. Aim to have £20pw (£80pm) to buy fruit, veg, bread & dairy. The other £80 is £20pw for other food, drinks, toiletries, cleaning products & medicines. I will be able to write a meal plan based on the meat in stock and we will eat healthier too.

Money - Personal spends - One day I would like to have £20pw each (for hubby & I) as personal spends - to include any leisure activities, groups, alcohol, clothes etc. I think this will also improve the healthier lifestyle as I love swimming but at £5 a go takes 50% of my current weekly budget, I would also like to try a yoga class but just cant afford it at the moment.

Money - Couple Time - In dream land again but I would like to have £40pm or every other month so my husband & I can have some much needed couple time away from the house/kids. I think that this should have some priority as it is investing in us and obviously our dream future is of us together!

Money - Health - My husband & I have recently started taking a multivitamin with Iron and cod liver oil tablets - I feel they make a difference so want to continue with this. I want to make sure I prioritise any money that is spent on health. Making sure we always have a stock of mouthwash/floss/vitamins and healthy foods/drinks in the house etc

Money - roof over head/mortgage/OP's - Appreciating the fact that mortgage interest is geared to make it more worth OP'ing at the begining of the mortgage we want to OP a regular £100pm. This is non negotiable as will be the difference between our current rent and mortgage costs. Each April if my husband gets a cost of living wage increase I want to increase the non negotiable OP by £15pm as this was what our annual rent increase was. Any money saved from budgets/additional income I want to split 30% OP, 30% Emergency fund and 40% fun/family bucket list fund. I think this will give us a sensible savings budget and yet not feel like we are denying ourself too much. One day when the emergency fund is complete we will split additional money 50:50 between OP's and fun!

Time - Exercise - I want to exercise regularly to maintain a healthier lifestyle. Since having children the excuses have normally been either I don't have time or I feel vulnerable going on my own. However in the last two weeks I have been walking to take my son to & from nursery twice a week. If I solely walk that is 4.5 miles each of the two days (nursery is 1.1ish miles from here). I might set some mini aims over time to increase the miles I walk per week.

Time - Cleaning/Time with the kids/time wasted on laptop & phone - At the moment it feels like I spend 50% time wasted, 40% cleaning & 10% quality time with the kids - this isnt the truth but its just how I feel. I need to readdress this and get the balance back prioritised correctly!

I think this is all for now I will summarise my thoughts above into bullet points & add any more I think of. I will try and review this either at the end of the month or every 3 months to see how much progress I have made.

I want to look back on my life and see that I made sensible financial decisions and yet balanced my time and money wisely and led a happy, healthy life and made lots more happy family memories than just paying off the mortgage.

Stacey x

I_want_a_baby

£3.00 cash left over from purse last week
£9.00 from clothes recycling
£12.00 into sealed tin.

£7.44 interest received
£0.64 differnce between water budget & DD
£34.50 difference between energy budget & DD (1st month after switch).
£42.58 TRF'd to ISA.

Total towards house today: £54.58
£186.58 - October so far
£826.81 - Total Saved for House Fund.

Mini October Targets to focus the mind!
Target #1 ~Bronze~ = Save £100 in October (Achieved )
Target #2 ~Silver~ = Save £800 in Total (Achieved )
Target #3 ~Gold~ = Save £200 in October (£13.42 to go)

Stacey x

ztan

Sounds like you have been doing LOTS of thinking... but it sounds like you've got it sort of figured :T

My OH and I are always discussing that very fine balance between what we want and what we need, as well as the cross over areas like spending more time together. This is something you both want and need!

If you can find an achievable balance, keeping the essentials ticking over and yet finding the time to actually live and enjoy your lives together as a family, then yay!

If you do find the magic equation, patent it, copyright it and then sell it on! You'll make a FORTUNE!

happycamel_2

I love the way you do everything to the penny. That's serious MSE! You recognise the value of the really small sums to the big picture, I need to learn from that.

I_want_a_baby

Thanks for your comments ztan & happycamel!

We have an update!

The solicitor just phoned and said that due to various searches & queries coming back we are in a position whereby we can expect to exchange and complete on the 26th October! :j

So Excited!

We can now start planning & packing & dreaming & doing &....

...oh & paying a mortgage!! I am weirdly so excited about this!

Stacey x

icklehelen

That's fab news!! :j

If there's one place you can admit that you're looking forward to paying your mortgage you can be sure it's here!!

Well done on your savings so far this year - I'm really enjoying your diary (I keep thinking I should start one but haven't found the courage to jump in just yet!)

I hope the exchange and completion go smoothly for you. :beer:

ickle