Couldn't see old friend due to lack of funds.... what to do?

19lottie82

RAS wrote: »

Invite her round for a meal with a few friends. Save up in advance?

I did offer to spend sometime with her at her convinience but didn't get a reply apart from to invite me out for another round of drinks.

I thought I would have enough money to go but due to unforseen circumstances I didn't.

Walking there and back wasn't really an option due to the time I finished work and the time it would have taken me to get there and back.

Anyway, I've sent her an email apologising and explaining. I hope she won't hold it against me, I don't think she will.

Amanda65

My brother lives abroad and I know what a struggle he has to fit everyone he wants to see in when home. Maybe she literally didn't have a spare morning / afternoon and was trying to arrange to see groups of friends in one go so that she could maximise her time?

With regard to her offering to buy you a drink, perhaps she intended to but you never turned up and gave her the chance! As for the 'boasting' about how well she is doing it may just be that other than work there isn't a lot else going on in her life in Oz and therefore that is all she's got to talk about!!!

If her friendship is important to you I would email her, apologise for not contacting her (hope they weren't waiting there for you to turn up before moving on elsewhere :eek:) and say that you really hope to get together next time she's home.

HeadAboveWater

I think you've done the right thing in being honest and apologising. Plus you did try to arrange an alternative with her as opposed to just not bothering to go out with her.

In my opinion, heading out to a pub to meet people is ok when you see them all the time, but for someone you only see very occasionally, a night in or lunch/coffee or something is far, far better. Means you can actually talk and catch up properly!!!

As browneyedbazzi says, everyone has different interpretations of the word 'skint'!

BugglyB

Having lived abroad I know how it is when you use 2 or 3 weeks of your annual leave as a 'holiday' home and end up zooming round the country trying to see everyone who is peeved off with you at never coming to visit! Mum, dad, grandparents, in laws, old friends, colleagues.. and everyone insisting that you come to their house and stay at least two nights etc. I have to say I can see it from her side too. Really if I was you I'd have cycled into town to see her for a half hour or so. She gave you two different times and you didn't even text her back.

And you say you're not jealous, but you sound kind of jealous to me. If my friend's email home was about how great things were for her I would be delighted.

If you do email her I would just be apologetic, don't allow any 'its kind of your fault too' to creep into it!

19lottie82

BugglyB wrote: »

Having lived abroad I know how it is when you use 2 or 3 weeks of your annual leave as a 'holiday' home and end up zooming round the country trying to see everyone who is peeved off with you at never coming to visit! Mum, dad, grandparents, in laws, old friends, colleagues.. and everyone insisting that you come to their house and stay at least two nights etc. I have to say I can see it from her side too. Really if I was you I'd have cycled into town to see her for a half hour or so.

First off I do know what you mean about her being jam packed, I expect this was the case. However, I don't own a bike? And as I said walking wasn't an option, the bar was too far away.

I know I was wrong not to text her back, but I was just down in the dumps, embarrased, and didn't know what to say.

I think maybe we both could have done a bit more and maybe she didn't really grasp how skint I actually was /am. I've sent her an email explaining why I didn't come out and saying sorry, so hopefully we will be able to sort things out.

Tish_P

Just to second what some other people have said - firstly, it's possible that she may not have grasped that by skint you meant really skint. It's easy to forget, and very difficult to imagine if you've not been through it, what it's like to have no money as in no money, rather than no money as in not enough for cocktails and dinner and a taxi home and that dress you wanted etc.

Secondly if you live abroad and visit rarely, you quickly find you can't see everyone you would love to see, you can't see anyone for as long as you would like, and you will probably upset someone by not fnding time to see them, or not finding enough time, or choosing the wrong time or place. If this is your friend's first trip back she may be feeling bitterly disappointed at not seeing you, and possibly even miffed that you didn't make the effort (as she sees it). And maybe she thought you would be insulted at being bought drinks like the poor relation? Or the other people at this gathering might not have understood and would have expected to be bought drinks too?

None of this is to say that you are wrong for feeling cross with her or disappointed in her - just that this is a situation where miscommunication can happen in loads of different ways and you don't want to risk your friendship over any of them. So send her an email and have the conversation honestly and in words rather than second-guessing each other.

gravitytolls

I'd've felt disappointed too, if my old friend hadn't found time to call in on me, or offer to meet for a coffee somewhere. TBH, having explained that I was broke and didn't get an alternative suggestion, I'd've felt like I was getting the bum's rush.

In fact, I have felt rather like this in the last year or so, my very good friend hasn't responded to any texts or emails. I'm loathe to phone, as I know she's been working nights, and I'd hate to wake her, as getting back to sleep is awful once disturbed. I admit I felt let down, as through thick and thin, relationship break ups, the suicidal breakdown, all her stuff, I've been there for her and her family, loved them all, took them home and looked after them.

Then out of the blue I get a FB message, asking how we are. I answered, and as we've not been very good, I told her. She responded with an apology for being a crap friend, she had no excuses, another of her very good friends had given her an ear bashing, and she was truly sorry.

The thing with friendship is that if you truly love one another, it doesn't matter how long it's been since you last contacted one another, when the chips are down, you'll be there giving whatever support you can.

No matter how hurt I felt, I knew if she called up needing me, I'd be there, I was equally sure that if I turned up on her doorstep in a blubbering, needy mess, she'd greet me with open arms.

Your email sounds fine, and I feel that you're friendship will survive the test of distance.

melanzana

This episode seems to have caused you a lot of worry etc. that is terrible, since you did nothing wrong.

I would ask if it is worth it keeping in touch with her at all? What is the advantage to you or her? She is thousands of miles away, has a different lifestyle, you cannot socialise with her or visit her, or go out with her.

So really, what is the point? She doesn't seem too bothered by not seeing you, so I wouldn't worry about it at all.

Maybe it's time to lt go of this friendship. But maybe you want to keep it up. I just don't see the point to be quite honest. Sometimes people move on, and I think thats maybe what is happening here.

Do not let yourself be unhappy about this. I doubt your friend has even given it a second thought. You have enough on your plate with your financial situation, which I hope will improve..

mildred1978

19lottie82 wrote: »

I earn a reasonable amount on paper, about 15% of what is supposed to be the national average .

Less than £4k per year?? :huh:

burnoutbabe

I'd have assumed you were making an excuse - you could have gone along for a coke - borrowed £10 from somewhere? absolutely totally skint to me would be someone on benefits, down to nothing, not someone with a mortgage etc (as if you were that skint, people may get a 2nd job to provide some spare cash)