Help - debt/relationship

TonyMMM

Tabatha_Kitten wrote: »

Quote from post #1
"SHE hasn't paid the council tax on OUR house"

I've said it before and I'll say it again.
You live together.
You have a child together.
You need to work this out TOGETHER.

I will never understand all this "his money", "her money", "his Debt", "her debt".
You're a team for goodness sake. Work together.

Spot on ... if you are a couple, start to act like one.

BlushingRose

I think there's more going on here than 'just' money.

Nottoobadyet

What has she been doing with the council tax money that you have been giving her for you your half each month?

Cherry_Bomb

To be honest you need to take some responsibility if the council tax has gotten as far as a court summons.

OK hindsight is a wonderful thing but you really should have contacted the council yourself after finding the first letter. The court isn't going to accept you didn't know anything about it. You are jointly liable.

Don't leave it to her to ring them Monday. YOU ring them yourself.

Do you have the funds to pay the arrears off?

immoral_angeluk

If you do end up leaving, be aware that you will still be liable for any unpaid council tax and water rates up to the day you leave. The council tax needs sorting ASAP before they instruct bailiffs to come and levy goods.
Unfortunately you cannot force someone to have a lightbulb moment or take their situation seriously, so as horrible as it sounds you need to look at damage limitation on your part until she faces up to it.
Have to say though, if it was my partner and they'd repeatedly lied and hidden serious issues like this, I'm not sure I could trust them again with household money matters..

sistafromanothermista

I second (or third?!) what others have said., You seem incredibly selfish. if you're a family then you stick together like a family and help her through whatever problems she has.

Lucifer

To be fair- it is hard on him and I don't think he is being selfish. Before my lbm I also hid money woes from my husband. I was very scared and we had separate finances as he was paying for kids/bills from previous marriage. I didn't tell because I was very very scared that he would leave me as always so good with money!! Until I came here and got unwavering support I then got the confidence to confess and all came good. I thought we would split over it but we didn't - although he was not happy he loved me enough to help. Having said this I had never missed a payment or not paid a bill that I was given money to pay.
Even though we still have separate bank accounts I pay in dd to his on payday to cover my share of bills then I know what's left is for the month.

Please show her this site - it saved my marriage and finances.

immoral_angeluk

I don't think it's selfish at all. His partner is ignoring things which could have a serious impact on HIM. What happens if the bailiffs seize the OP's car which affects him being able to get to work etc etc?

She is the one being selfish and not taking him into consideration IMHO. If it affected just her, fine, but it doesn't.

I'm not being unsympathetic to her situation, but she seems far from being willing to deal with it so I think the OP can only do what he can to protect himself.

sistafromanothermista

:wave: I disagree, the OP starts off saying he loves her and ends up saying he doesn't want to be 'tarnished' with the debt. To me it doesn't seem very supportive. It also seems the partner is hiding things for a reason. My sister is a great one for this and suffers severe depression and anxiety IMO people like this need a lot of understanding and support from loved ones around them. To me it didn't come across that the OP wanted to give this sort of support.

immoral_angeluk

sistafromanothermista wrote: »

:wave: I disagree, the OP starts off saying he loves her and ends up saying he doesn't want to be 'tarnished' with the debt. To me it doesn't seem very supportive. It also seems the partner is hiding things for a reason. My sister is a great one for this and suffers severe depression and anxiety IMO people like this need a lot of understanding and support from loved ones around them. To me it didn't come across that the OP wanted to give this sort of support.

Of course, there could well be mental health issues or something else the OP hasn't told us. We don't know the history of their relationship but it doesn't seem like there's trust from either side really.