Spilt up from partner - struglling to afford to pick up child when he has access.

marshmallows

If he is working then he should be paying maintenance for his child.
You need to discuss with him and only him how contact is sorted out, tell family to butt out. I think it is unfair how it works out if you are working different days to him and then you don't get any quality time with your daughter, talk to him and sort something out.
Is your work in the opposite direction of where he lives, could you come to a compromise of maybe meeting half way or he could meet you at work?
In general i do not believe it is one parents responsibility to do all pick ups and drop offs it should be shared as equally as it can be.

Blackpool_Saver

Why does he think he doesn't have to pay support or petrol? I don't get it....

KiKi

Bubby wrote: »

So he is unable to bring her back or pay for her upkeep?? He sounds wonderful;)

In fairness, he is looking after her three days a week, and doing half of the picking up / dropping off. He *wants* to have her overnight. He sounds like a good dad who wants joint custody of his daughter, to me. I understood that if custody is shared in this way, then child maintenance may not be due?

It's the OP who wants him to only have 2 days access and no overnight visits. Why should he see her less when he is as much a parent as the OP?

The OP works two days a week, and when he looks after her then, there are no childcare costs. So there will, inevitably, be *some* weeks where OP doesn't see her daughter during the day because she's working and the child's father is spending time with her. But it's not every week (or it doesn't sound like it from the OP), and that still leaves two full days with her daughter, every week (not unlike the child's father, then).

I agree, they need to sort something out, but I'm not sure why he's getting a hard time from some posters. Sounds like he's trying to see his daughter and do the right thing by her, to me.

KiKi

jenhug

could he not have her for 1 night? That way he could collect on say fri morn, keep her over night and drop back sat after tea? would save everyone fuel

embob74

As Kiki said the amount of child maintenance will you could receive will lessen depending on how often your child stays with the NRP. Perhaps that is why your ex's family are getting involved? I'm sure they are only looking out for him but will no doubt be advising him what to do in order to not pay CM. Your ex could potentially have a claim for the child benefit and the tax credits should he have her more often than you do.
I would go and see a solicitor - get a free hour interview somewhere and they could tell you where you stand and help you arrange a formal maintenance payment.
If you are communicating well then what is best for your daughter is the most important thing but unfortunately you will need to sort out finances.
As an incentive you should know that I'm pretty sure any maintenance received does not affect tax credits or housing benefit. So it would be an extra bonus for you and your child and could ensure you can do your share of the picking up or dropping off for access. Which I think is only fair.

Mojisola

emerald_starcat wrote: »

He works full time. He wants to see our daughter 3 days a week.

Is his full-time work spread over 5 days? If so, he won't be with her for one of those days if he has her for 3 days a week, will he?

He is also wanting to have her overnight but I feel she is too young to be away from me at night, I have never been away from her at night.

When do you think she will be old enough? If you just say no, you look as if you're being awkward. If you say, let's wait until she's xx months old and see if she can cope with it then, you show you're willing to compromise.

As I work 2 days too, if he is also working on those 2 days he will see her 3 different days which means sometimes I don't see my daughter in the day for 5 days out of 7.

He can't always have her when it suits him, over-riding your feelings. On the other hand, if you were working full-time and your child was in a nursery, you would only see her in the morning and evening five days a week.

He is not paying any child maintenance even tho we have talked about it, no arrangements have been made.

He should be paying CM. The number of nights a week she spends with him can reduce the amount he pays. This may be why his family are encouraging him to go for overnight stops. On the other hand, he may be a father who wants to be able to settle his child in bed at night and see her face first thing in the morning.

Look at all the options. jenhug's given a good suggestion of how you could accommodate overnights and reduce petrol costs.

I think a lot of negotiations about care start from the basis of Dad having the child every other weekend and one day/night during the week but it depends on work/nursery/school/distance to travel/etc.