Spilt up from partner - struglling to afford to pick up child when he has access.

emerald_starcat

Hello

Have recently split from partner and we have a 11 month old child.
She is living with me and we are trying to agree access for him to see her.
He works full time and lives with his mum, I work 16 hours a week and live with friends - am waiting for a council house.
He wants to see our daughter 3 days a week 9am til 6pm where he picks her up in the morning and I come and get her at 6pm.
However he lives 5 miles away so it means 30 miles a week. I am already struggling as I work 8 miles away so am spending a lot on petrol.

I have said about him only seeing her 2 days a week but he wants to see her 3 days.
He is also wanting to have her overnight but I feel she is too young to be away from me at night, I have never been away from her at night.

What can I do as his family seem to be dictating when he should see his daughter.

As I work 2 days too, if he is also working on those 2 days he will see her 3 different days which means sometimes I don't see my daughter in the day for 5 days out of 7.
When I am at work and he is working my friend has her.

I need to know where I stand.

He is not paying any child maintenance even tho we have talked about it, no arrangements have been made.

How often does a father usually see their child when they are not living with them and should they both pick her up and drop her off.

balletshoes

ideally you do whats best for the child, so if each parent is flexible enough, then whoever does the drop-off and/or pick-up is whichever one its most convenient for.

However, if theres disagreement, then it might be better to get the whole access thing put on a more formal level (and get maintenance sorted out as well).

Tupperware_Queen

you need to get maintenance sorted out, then you will have the funds to be able to make the journey. I am separated from my OH, and because of work etc the kids live with him, and come to me at weekends. Its very hard, and I miss them lots, but you have to just get on with it, and sort things out as amicably as you can....with what suits you and your ex, not what other people think

Mojisola

If he started paying Child Maintenance, you'd have enough money to pay for the petrol.

Neither parent should dictate when they have the child - it has to be mutually agreed. If you can't agree between yourselves, you'll have to get it done more formally.

Jinx

See a solicitor for proper advice, you may get legal aid if you work part-time. Also contact the CSA for advice on maintenance. If you cannot afford petrol to collect your daughter then she cannot go in my view - harsh but true.

When I first split from hubby he demanded that I drop off our daughter and collect her; I didnt drive and he did so it was an hour each way for me and a lot of cash so I told him he had to do the running around or he wouldnt see her at all. Not ideal, but life isnt.

themull1

Why can't he bring her back?

Bubby

So he is unable to bring her back or pay for her upkeep?? He sounds wonderful;)

Just tell him (and his family if they are interfering) that you are unfortunately unable to make this journey 3 times per week and that if he wants to see her he will need to collect her and on top of that you need to go to the csa for the maintenance that you are due.

justjohn

unfortunately the male often gets the carp end of the stick.

1) sort the maintenance out
2) If he wants access, then give it too him thats his responsibility to collect and drop off.

Pull your finger out on the maintenance side. Us guys get it tight 90% of the time, but hey your just being silly lol

nearlyrich

justjohn wrote: »

unfortunately the male often gets the carp end of the stick.

1) sort the maintenance out
2) If he wants access, then give it too him thats his responsibility to collect and drop off.

Pull your finger out on the maintenance side. Us guys get it tight 90% of the time, but hey your just being silly lol

I think this is one of the 10% where you got it wrong as the OP is the mum...;)

justjohn

i know lol ....i was generalizing

bright_side

When I first split with my childrens father, I did all the running around - until I realised what a mug I was being! After that it was a case of if YOU want them to come to YOU then YOU collect/drop off. Didn't go down too well, but he wasn't paying maintenence and could afford to do lots of things that I, as a single mum couldn't have afforded, therefore he could certainly manage travel expenses. Obviously when there are times he can't get here for valid reasons, then I do the running around. Also when they were younger, if I NEEDED him to have them at non usual times, then I would do the driving.

Had he not agreed to do all the picking up and dropping off, I would've continued to do it for the sake of the children........but don't tell him that