Grrr being put down again

FATBALLZ

Tell your relative her put-down was ok but your great aunt Brenda does them much better.

Bambam

I agree with Poet123, susieanne. If this distant rellie is in the habit of putting you down you need to confront them (in a nice way). Tell him/her that you congratulated "the person who did better than you" and you were utterly embarrassed by the fact they hadn't a clue what you were on about. If you don't acknowledge you know he/she is spinning you a line then I'm not surprised it keeps happening honey and they may well think twice about making stories up. You can't keep making allowances for their behaviour!

Believe me I know! My life has never been more peaceful since I confronted someone in January, doing the exact same thing to me and had been doing for many years. Just took a bit of courage on my part to begin with (I hate confrontation!)

Congratulations and well done on your recent achievement!

ALIBOBSY

Look for my thread from a couple of years ago "can I vent about my mother". Amongst her favorite tricks was the put down espcially the back handed compliment ie, you look lovely in that dress now you have lost some weight, will look even better when you lose some more or shame you didn't do it sooner etc etc.

In the end I had to front up and face her down. TBH the best thing I ever did was learn to ignore it when she said these things. Me confronting her has made her change somewhat, but people especially older ones really don't change much.

I still sometimes see her biteing back comments and some slip out and we all laugh about them now.m She even says to me quite often "you don't care what I say, you just ignore me don't you" I say yes and we both laugh.

At least with a distant relation you can push them away more lol.

Ali x

spirit

susieanne wrote: »

I had a massive acheivement well it was something that i felt proud about doing . I told a few people about it and they all said well done but when i told a distance relative they never said well done just said "well i know such abody and they did better " which i replied thats brilliant for him but im proud of what i did . Its not the first time this person has tried to put me down in this way . I have since seen the person who suppose to have done so much better than me and that person didnt know what i was on about so it seems that my relation seems to have just said it to me to make me feel bad . My first thought is just dont say anything to my relative about seeing this other person as it may be best just to ignore as i think they have been childish to try and put me down again , and its not worth arguing over but i feel really annoyed now and i feel like saying ive seen that person and its nothing of the sort and why have you lied . What do you think ?

Hold your head high and let it all wash over you.

and well done for your achievement.

DUKE

Congrats on your achievement! I think it's all been said, but if you're still annoyed by this person then draw a picture of them, poke their eyes out, stab them with a pencil, screw them up, jump up & down on them, & then pop them in the bin where they belong because you're worth more than that.

the_cat

Sounds like the distant relative is a resentful under-achiever looking to put others down to make themselves feel better

Not really the sort of person whom you need to care about impressing really, is it? Or whose opinion really counts for anything. Ignore and enjoy your achievements for the person whose opinion really counts - YOU!!!

Tish_P

Congratulations on the achievement! I wouldn't bother confronting Mr or Ms Putdown, it's not worth it. Just make it into a game in your head: next time you tell them about an achievement, how many seconds does it take them to come up with something belittling? If you have someone else you can laugh with about it, lay bets.

It's not as upsetting as your story, but as an example: my dad is always overly pessimistic about jobs. Literally every job I've ever applied for, as soon as I tell him I've applied he'll sigh and say if they haven't got back to you by now, they're not going to, tsk, shame, probably wasn't a real job on offer in the first place, must be a stitch-up, etc etc - and this is often before the job's closing date.

It used to bug me but now I have a running joke with my brother where we phone my dad after every job app and get him to say this as early as we can. I think the record is half an hour after I posted an application (in the post. Not even emailed.)

bright_side

Unfortunately there are some people in life who never have anything positive to say - it's their problem, not yours. Don't let one person dampen how proud you feel of yourself!

Well done x