Delegation failure :-(

epskie

We are a family of 4 - myself, Husband, DS1 aged 11, DS2 aged 6.
I do absolutely everything in this house bar 2 weekly meals (tues and fri dinners) All housework, cleaning, cooking, dog walking, laundry and all other chores. My husband is in a band and a part time Darth Vader and Stormtrooper (don't ask!) I also work almost full time and Husband does work full time.

His hobby paraphernalia has our home cluttered beyond belief (3 guitars, 3 amps, speakers, 2 darth vaders, 2 stormtroopers, various lights and mannequins) and it's getting me down

Does anybody have any advice on successful delegation of tasks and good storage ideas? I would greatly appreciate it, thanks

Gigglepig

If it is really that bad I'd consider going on holiday for 1-2 weeks and letting them fend for themselves.... :rotfl:

What does your OH say?
What does he do... any gardening, Diy, car maintenance?

It may help to buy some better storage solutions (IKEA is good) and then declutter and put things away.

Do you have a second bedroom, or possibly could you afford a larger house or even a rented garage so that you OH could have 1 room / "man cave" for his hobbies, so it won't spill into the rest of the house?

I think the key to delegation is you must be truly willing to let go of the responsibility, and not interfere when things may not be done to your standards or at the time you would have chosen to do so.

JimmyTheWig

Gigglepig wrote: »

What does your OH say?

That he finds her lack of faith disturbing :rotfl:

Mojisola

epskie wrote: »

I do absolutely everything in this house bar 2 weekly meals (tues and fri dinners) All housework, cleaning, cooking, dog walking, laundry and all other chores.

My husband is in a band and a part time Darth Vader and Stormtrooper (don't ask!)

I also work almost full time and Husband does work full time.

He's got a choice - pick up some of the workload or find the money to employ a cleaner, dog walker, gardener and the launderette to wash and iron the clothes.

Don't forget the children should be helping as well, especially the 11 year old.

JimmyTheWig

Is he in the 501st, OP?

He's got two very cool hobbies going on there, which is great. But it's not great if the time and space they require is too much for your family as a whole.

You need to speak to him. Decide between you what you are going to do.
Your children are getting to an age when they can start helping around the house. Especially with their own things. But that is going to be really hard when they see their dad not doing his bit.

Mojisola

Between the housework and his hobbies, do you get much family time together?

geoffky

I pay £10 per week for a lock up in a storage facility..I suggest you get him to offload his stuff in one..Then tell him how much he is neglecting his chores..

alwaysonthego_2

My OH collects comics and has rubber weapons lying about the house for his larping hobby, so I can understand the clutter bit. My OH works full time and I am a full time mum and I do absolutely everything, which I don't mind as I am not working, we have a small baby and two dds. I am BFing the baby so I find alot of my time goes towards nursing. My OH likes to help so he vacs and does the men jobs like mowing the lawn, though I do that realistically because it always rains when he goes to do it.

epskie

Thanks for the responses :-) LOL at your first post Jimmy.

No, we barely have any family time which is another thing that gets me down. However the kids have lots of hobbies too so it is balanced out a bit. I think the general consensus is to take control and be a bit bossier then?? That doesn't come naturally to me but I'll give it a try.


Yes he is in the 501st. And the 99th garrison. Hmmm cool is a matter of opinion ;-)

podperson

What does he say about it? Have you sat down and said that you'd really appreciate it if he helped out more? I know my OH can be completely oblivious to things that need doing - I used to get very frustrated and blow up at him but he would genuinely just not notice that he was sat in the middle of a pig-stye! Now I will try and not get as worked up and ask him, can you please do this, this and this to help me out and it tends to work a lot better.
Also the kids are old enough to be helping out with some basic chores (if I remember rightly when I was 11, I was expected to set the table and dry the dishes every night, keep my own room tidy, help clean out the pets and do some dusting and vaccing on a Sat morning), maybe sit down as a family and make a list or something and everyone is given some jobs to do?

heretolearn_2

'you'd really appreciate it if he helped out more?'

see I think this is the mistake a lot of women make. Household chores are not for men to help the women with, that still makes them the woman's responsibility.

If you have 2 adults both working full time (or nearly in your case) then you are both responsible for all the chores. Tell OH that you expect him to start pulling his weight or paying for a cleaner to do his share, his choice.

You might have to accept that he has different ideas/standards to you though. I'm the house slob. Honestly as long as it gets a basic clean and tidy up now and then, I don't care that much. I do my share of what I think is reasonable for a house. If I lived with someone who insisted carpets needed hoovering every day instead of every fortnight (we don't have kids or pets to make a mess), well if would make them happy they would be very welcome to do it, but don't expect me to work to that schedule. So it's a matter of agreeing what needs to be done, rather than dictating, and allocating it out. Then do your share and ignore everything else.

I'm also the one with hobbies/clutter and it could very easily take over the house like it used to my flat when I lived on my own. We cope by having the living room clutter free and other room I kind of have my area which is a mess and Mr H t L has his area which is all tidy. You can tell which half of the bedroom belongs to which at a glance, lol. He has a cupboard in the kitchen for gubbins that is all tidy and I have a cupboard where you get hit by an avolanche when you open the door.

I know I irritate him, I don't get his need for tidiness, but to live together you both have to compromise a bit. I tidy the quilt and make the bed before I go to work as it makes him happy even though I think it's stupidly pointless. He puts up with stacks of books appearing here and there. Give and take.

It isn't reasonable for your OH to fill up your house with his hobby stuff, it needs to be kept to one area. (The cupboard under the stairs is full of all my weird hobby stuff).

Put your foot down!:D