communication in a relationship

Pee

To be honest, if hubby has any doctors/hospital appointments i'm always with him so he wouldnt need to tell me anything cause i'd have heard it first hand.[/QUOTE]

Do other people do this? Is it "normal"?

I went to the Dr with my ex when I was fed up with him lying about giving up drinking and this was him proving that he was doing something and that has maybe coloured my opinion i.e. that it's a last resort when someone can't be trusted.

I've always been to the Dr by myself since I was old enough to and wouldn't dream of taking anyone with me BUT the reason I ask is that when I went for a quite serious test that proved to be nothing to worry about everyone else seemed to have their OH's there. Maybe I was just noticing all the people that did, but it seemed to be over 90%. When I told my boyfriend about that, he was a bit miffed I hadn't asked him to come, like I didn't expect him to be supportive. I didn't want him to be bored more like. It was bad enough I had to be there!

geoffky

I had this dilema a few months ago, I had a big lump in the roof of my mouth but was frightend is was cancer, I went to the doctors on my own as i had not told the wife about it as we had just been through skin cancer with her and i thought that it was the last thing she needed right now..(rightly or wrongly)well i am pleased to say the doctor was sure it was ok..

Turtle

I'd be upset if OH went to his mum before me. I very much doubt it would happen to be honest though. I always discuss things with him first (usually only him) and he's been to drs and hospital with me for lots of gynae appointments, my mum might come if he couldn't, but I'd leave her in the waiting room whereas OH would come in with me.

Brighton_belle

I don't think it's the green eyed monster OP. I'd be rather agrieved if my DH told his parents before me. Astonished in fact. But as others have said, it depends on when he found out, what it was and why he told them first.
If it was an ingrowing toenail and he was already due to see his parents for other reasons stright after appointment, then, yeah, fair enough. If it was 'I've got a lump the Dr's want to biopsy' then yes,I would expect to be told first.

Pee - you ask about women going in with their menfold for appointments. I have done this is the past, when I knew DH would make light of something I really needed him to get help with (he happily invited me along though).
I personally have a lot of hospital appoinments and aways go on my own; I see it as a waste of his time and I don't need my hand holding, even when things get quite serious (but not life threatening). If it was something life threatening, I think I would take him with me though, for both our sakes.

lmp0507

I personally would be very upset with my partner if he decided to speak to his parents about any medical issues he has before speaking to me, We are a couple after all, I'd expect to know before anyone else.

marisco_2

snozberry wrote: »

Being hypothetical, how would you feel if your long term partner opted to discuss his medical issues with his parents before you?

I know and fully accept that he is entitled to discuss anything with whomever he decides but is it ok to feel a little bit ticked off?

Are these long term, on going medical issues or a sudden medical diagnosis? I think that makes a big difference to whom someone would speak to and how all those involved may feel about it. I have never been in this situation so dont know how I might react or who I would want to speak with first.

coolcait

Seanymph wrote: »

....

SO

I'd be worried if he discussed a health issue with his parents not me, because I'd then know it was so severe he didn't want me to know the detail until he'd got more answers and something positive or reassuring to tell me.

Perhaps your OH was trying to do something along those lines.

This was my first thought too.

Some people are better than others than breaking news about a medical condition (or other things). It can help if they talk the matter over with someone else first, as that can help them find a way to break the news more kindly.

I hope, however, that it turns out to be the case that it was something so trivial that it didn;t feel like he was 'telling someone else first'.

Torry_Quine

It does very much depend on the family dynamics and the type of health problem. In my case it would very much surprise and concern me if he told his mother first or actually even at all knowing the relationship they have. I also tell him first but even with gynae issues tell my Dad.

On the subject of hospital or GP visits. With the GP it depends if he's around as he'll usually come with me if free but I'm not bothered to go myself. However the hospital is different to me and if at possible he comes with me and I always go with him. If he couldn't come to a hospital appointment then my Dad comes.

mummybearx

I would be miffed at DH tbh. I always feel like I should know things first, I'm his wife, the person he choose to be with forever, not the family he was born with iykwim?

But my DH, he doesn't stick to my rules lol! He sees his family when I'm at work, things happen, conversations come up, and he talks to them about things before discussing with me. Yes it annoys me as I always, always talk to him first, but..... Ach, what can you do?

With regards to general doctor appointments, I always go alone and so does DH. No need for me to be there or him with me. He was however at every appointment with me when I was going through surgery for bowel cancer. My dad actually mentioned that in his father of the bride speech, how my 19 year old boyfriend was with me every step of the way, every appointment and visiting hours in hospital, how proud he was of my then bf

Mojisola

zepsgal wrote: »

With regards to general doctor appointments, I always go alone and so does DH. No need for me to be there or him with me. He was however at every appointment with me when I was going through surgery for bowel cancer. My dad actually mentioned that in his father of the bride speech, how my 19 year old boyfriend was with me every step of the way, every appointment and visiting hours in hospital, how proud he was of my then bf

Sounds like you've got a good one there!

I would be miffed at DH tbh. I always feel like I should know things first, I'm his wife, the person he choose to be with forever, not the family he was born with iykwim?

For me, it would depend on why he chose to speak to someone else first. If it was because he needed advice on how to break bad news or wanted to make sure someone was primed and ready to help us both after he'd told me, I would see that as a caring thing to do.

Also, if it was something minor that had just cropped up in a conversation, that wouldn't bother me as long as he made sure he told me promptly and I didn't hear it from someone else!