Advice needed please re ex and his behaviour

mazza111

Although on this occasion it could have been totally innocent, the fact that he's been abusive to in the past is ringing warning bells for me. As I'm sure this is what's alarming you.

You don't sound to have a happy home life at all. Maybe this could just be the straw that broke the camel's back. Get yourself and your kiddies out of this situation.

I too was in an abusive marriage, no violence involved, but I didn't see the abuse that was happening to me until I heard him speak to my dd in the same way.

Sorry love, maybe it's time now to bite the bullet and walk, not due to what's happened to your daughter, but because of the way it's all affecting your home life.

Errata

Children can misbehave, parents can grab them, sometimes a grab leaves a bruise. It really doesn't matter whether the parent lives with the child or not, they should always be challenged about their handling of a child if they bruise it.

sassyblue

mazza111 wrote: »

Although on this occasion it could have been totally innocent, the fact that he's been abusive to in the past is ringing warning bells for me. As I'm sure this is what's alarming you.

You don't sound to have a happy home life at all. Maybe this could just be the straw that broke the camel's back. Get yourself and your kiddies out of this situation.

I too was in an abusive marriage, no violence involved, but I didn't see the abuse that was happening to me until I heard him speak to my dd in the same way.

Sorry love, maybe it's time now to bite the bullet and walk, not due to what's happened to your daughter, but because of the way it's all affecting your home life.

^^^ This ^^^ EXCEPT the OP has already left.....

I echo someone else, get to the doctors and get it recorded. Then tell your ex what's happened and that you won't hesitate to stop all contact if he can't control his anger with small children.

I'm not really sure about people saying you can grab your child and leave a bruise, but of course only the parent knows their own child - is your daughter naughty enough to require him being that heavy handed? Therein lies your answer...

Mojisola

Mrs_Imp wrote: »

Gosh. According to some of these posts I should have my child taken away from me because I'm harming him. I have had to physically restrain my son on occasions, or grab his arm to stop him doing something dangerous. Sometimes this has resulted in him having a mark on his arm, or falling over and bumping himself.

But do you have a history of physically abusing your partner and smashing up doors at home? With that history, Foundation has to take this episode more seriously than she otherwise might, particularly as the child has said that she was afraid to tell her Mum what had happened.

quintwins

Altho i'm always abit fearful about men (and women) who think abusing there partner is ok, i could say that her daughter is 7 if this is a one off and she has never came home with a bruise in 7 years then a discussion with her father might be the best approach for now rather than involving social services ect.

mazza111

Oh I apologise, I must have missed the part on having left. Congratulations on getting away. Then the way forward is to report it just in case, and I would also speak to the ex about it.

I'm not really sure about people saying you can grab your child and leave a bruise, but of course only the parent knows their own child - is your daughter naughty enough to require him being that heavy handed? Therein lies your answer...

I've grabbed my dd in the past and left a bruise, but she has hms, is very clumsy and bruises easily. It was that or have her knocked down by a car. So it can happen.

I still reckon there has to be some notes of any bruising left on a child. Encourage your child to be open with you of anything that's happened while she's with the father.

Foundation

Thank you for all your replies.

I have taken a photo and kept a record. I spoke to someone today who deals who is specialist in this kind of area. I was advised to keep a record and told to talk to talk to my DD about the importance of not keeping secrets from me. He said in this incident there was probably very little I could do as I dont have a court order in place or visitation rights (we just have joint PR) but if anything happened again I could use it as enough evidence to get sole PR and for him to have rediced contact or supervised contact.

I dont doubt that he loves them, but I also know what a short fuse he has, which is my worry, as I never thought he would hurt them, intentionally or not. My DD takes a phone with her and I've told her to contact me if she feels the need to when she is there and I will always come and get her. She says she wants to see him again but she doesnt me to tell him she told me.

Hes not exactly resonable, theres no such thing as a casual chat, he would see it as having a go straight away and make things very difficult. He would have no interst in explaining anything.

We split up nearly 3 years ago. I stayed for several years for the wrong reasons. Hes wouldnt worry about starting an arguement in front of the kids, the worst stuff (physical was rare but did happen, mental abuse was everyday).