Feeling really down today.....

Dazed_n_Confused_2

Hi there. I am a regular poster, but have set up a new username to protect my identity.

Just want to have a vent as there's certain things in my life that are getting me down.

I am 40, married with 2 kids. My OH is great and I don't want to leave him.

We were supposed to be saving for a deposit for a bigger house, as we are full to bursting here. But he spends money like it's going out of fashion. In the last 5 years, we've had about 4 different tv's, ok we sell the old one, but that never covers the full price of the new one. And it's not because it's broken or anything, it's because he "fancies a change". He has just bought a new amp, speakers etc. I show him houses in the paper or on the internet and he just doesn't seem interested. There's jobs around the house that have got to be done, but we never seem to get them done or don't have the money for it. No-one would buy the house in the condition it's in right now. I'm not saying he shouldn't by himself treats as he works hard, but you have to draw the line somewhere!

I really want to cut down on what we spend (I will post an SOA when I get round to it. The sky bill is currently about £80 a month (this used to be over £100!), but because we have HD, multiroom etc it bumps the price. OH has said that if he's forced to get rid of sky, then I will have to do without the internet. But this is only £7.50 a month anyway!

My health is suffering at the moment. I am overweight and know that some of my health problems are down to this. OH doesn't say anything, I think he just accepts me as I am, but it's really depressing me. I can't buy nice clothes and feel self conscious when I go out the house.

Today, I was feeling particularly down. A friend of mine has just celebrated her 40th birthday. I sent her a card and wished her a happy birthday by text. She replied by saying thanks for the card, she had a lovely day and life begins at 40 etc. Today I find out on Facebook that she had a party at a local club (a mutual friend posted up photos). She does live fairly local to me. We are not that close as such now, but we go back a long way. Felt upset and hurt that I never got told about it. I know Facebook isn't the be all and end all of things. She is a friend on there, but I don't think she logs in, so I generally find out stuff when other people tag her in photos etc.


Rant over! :mad:

Dunroamin

I recommend scissors.

cutestkids

Dunroamin wrote: »

I recommend scissors.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Dazed_n_Confused_2

I have edited my post and perhaps I might get some sensible responses this time.

Sambucus_Nigra

Dazed_n_Confused wrote: »

I have edited my post and perhaps I might get some sensible responses this time.

I read the unedited post - however I'm not sure what you want people to say.

How is he 'great' if he spends like there is no tomorrow, doesn't take your life together seriously, is obsessed with BJ's and sex and tells you you will feel better after you have 'sucked his knob' later. Which are the bits you have edited out.

I'm genuinely interested in how exactly this is 'great'?

What is your issue with your friend? If you wanted to go to the party then tell her you are upset with her. If you don't want to rock the boat, then don't.

thorsoak

There is something familiar about the OP's writing style ........

Deja vue all over again

Pollycat

Firstly, I'm sorry you're feeling down.

I think Sambucus Nigra asks a very good question.
It sounds to me like you and your OH have different priorities and whilst you think you're supposed to be saving for a bigger house, he's maybe not fully bought into that concept.

Does he buy TVs etc without consulting you?
If so, I think he is out of order.

Do you mean that you are overweight because of health issues (maybe something like underactive thyroid) or do you have health problems because you're overweight (e.g. mobility or joint problems)?
Are you doing anything about your weight problem? Diet? Seeing your GP?

I can understand how you feel upset about not being invited to your friend's party but maybe the other things that are getting you down are making this seem much bigger to you than it actually is.
If you had a party for your birthday, would you have invited her?

I hope you feel better about things soon - but I would recommend a heart-to-heart with your OH to see if you are working to different ends re your finances and your future.

Good luck.

Dazed_n_Confused_2

What I meant was that life was great with OH, apart from the issues I mentioned in the post. In that he's good with the kids, is kind in other ways etc.

I didn't have a party for my 40th, but yes I would've invited my friend to it.

Yes, I do have joint problems and i know that losing weight would help with that. I have been to the GP numerous times about things, but they never seem to "help me" as such, they just tell me to look on Patient.co.uk website for such and such condition. For that reason I don't bother going and suffer from day to day.

Pollycat

Dazed_n_Confused wrote: »

I didn't have a party for my 40th, but yes I would've invited my friend to it.

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

If you wanted to go to the party then tell her you are upset with her.

If it's bothering you that much, do this ^^^, tell her how hurt you feel.

Brighton_belle

OP, you sounds overwhelmed and stressed.
It also sounds like you and OH are singing from a different hymn sheet re potential moving. I've 2 suggestions:
1) you really need to sit down with your OH and in a calm, non accusatory way tell him how you feel and ask if he thinks that as a family you do need to move. Explain why you believe you do need to and if he agrees, discuss a what needs to take place for it to happen.
2) You feel your current place is bursting full: would it help to have a serious mega declutter over the next few months? We've been downsizing the amount of 'stuff' we have over the last year and it makes the house much easier to keep tidy and lean = less stress.

Losing weight is very difficult when you can't find the motivation, however much you now you should be doing it. When was the last time you were a size you were happy with and what has changed since then that has caused the weight gain?

I wonder if the insensitivity of his response to you when you tell him how you feel is just a blokey "don't know how to sort that one so resort to having a laugh" response.

londonsurrey

He's busy having a great time, and isn't prepared to cut down on any of it to get the stuff you think is necessary.

The fact that he's "agreed" to another house but not doing anything to ensure it happens or to get your current house in better shape speaks volumes, i.e. he's not really bothered about the environment (the house and the state of it), he just wants to get the latest gadgets as and when they come out.