remarriage and children's 'inheritance'

northern_star

After 14 years as a divorced, single parent (not unhappily I might add), I have met and fallen in love with a wonderful man. This was totally out-of-the-blue and unexpected as I wasn’t looking for a partner (quite the opposite – I was a comfortable singleton).

This lovely man has now asked me to marry him and I am keen to say “yes” – however, I am concerned as to how we might arrange our finances. We have both been married before and suffered debt problems and financial difficulties over the years. When we met (a few months ago) we had both resolved our financial issues and now owe nothing other than our respective mortgages. My partner has 50k of equity in his house and I have 80k in mine. He has no children and no responsibilities to his ex-wife (been divorced a long time), I have 4 children the youngest of which (15) still lives at home with me.

My dilemma is this; In recent years, for the first time, I have become solvent and now have the above mentioned 80k equity in my house. This gives me great peace of mind in terms of being able to leave something for my children in the event of my early demise (morbid I know but I’m sure many of you will identify with me on this one). If we marry all this will change as my ‘husband’ would become next of kin and (unless I make a will to the contrary) would then stand to inherit everything.

Bear with me on this, I guess it sounds mercenary, but much as I love this man and want to be with him, I wouldn’t want my children to lose out on their ‘inheritance’, they were with me during the ‘lean’ years. Conversely I wouldn’t want my ‘husband’ to be forced to sell our home to meet their ‘inheritance’ requirements.

We have loosely discussed selling his house and using the proceeds to pay off my outstanding mortgage (40k), which would leave us mortgage free and with a property worth 120k and rising.

I have asked for time to think about his marriage proposal (as I’m keen not to let my heart rule my head on this one) and I know that the above scenario is based on me dying first, although a similar situation could arise if the marriage didn’t work (ok, ok, I know I’m looking on the bleak side but experience has taught me to be wary!). As he doesn’t have children or close family, he is happy for me to inherit all should he die first.

I’m sure there must be other MSE’ers out there who have been in a similar situation or know someone who has. Does anyone have any advice or suggestions to offer? We’re looking for a workable compromise that takes into account what we bring to the marriage (in financial terms) and our posthumous wishes.

Becles

I'm in similar circumstances following my wedding last April. I haven't done anything yet as we knew we wanted to have a baby, but are planning on getting it sorted out once baby arrives.

He will leave everything to me (not that he has anything - lol!). He moved into my house, so he wants a will written that says he is legal guardian of my boys from my previous marriage and he can stay in the house until baby reaches 18. After that, it can be sold and the assets split between the three children.

I'm not sure if this is possible yet, but he was happy with that idea and so am I.

Frugal_Fox

I think the best thing to do would be to consult a solicitor. They will be able to advise you on how the will should be written.

My aunt was similar in that she had a child from a previous relationship - as did the man she married. She moved into his home - selling hers and retaining the equity as a future inheritance. Should she have died first the money from the original house sale went to her daughter, but that her daughter had no claim against her partners property. If her partner died first - which unfortunately is what happened. She was free to live in his house - but to maintain it and to pay all associated costs until she either remarried or died - upon which it passed to her partners son.

Not sure if this is a 'possibility' for you - but its one example - but I would recommend you visit a solicitor to discuss all the options - and your 'intended' shouldn't be concerned or worried about you wanting to provide a future for your children.
Good luck
FF

pboae

My Mum has remarried, their wills used to state that if she died her share of the house would be left to her 3 children, but with my step-father retaining a life interest in the house. I.e. he could live there as long as he wished, and we would onlt get our share if/when he chose to sell. Equally his share was left to his children, with the same conditions. Recently they have rewritten it so that both their shares will be divided equally amongst all of us, but still with the surviving partner retaining a life interest.

I don't know exactly how it's written, but the important thing was how they own the house. I'm afraid I can't remember exactly what it's called, but there is one way you own a house together were it automatically gets passed to the other owner, regardless of what the will says, and another way were you have a formal agreement about what proportion each of you own (even if that is 50/50) and that way you can leave 'your' share to anyone you want.

Justie

there are easy ways to get a will written to cover all the fears you have. Should you both live to be old together you can always amend a will to meet your needs as they change too so it's not such a hard choice. Thinking about these things and talking about them is always good as it means everyone knows where they stand and it's not morbid or money grabbing it's immensely practical and will save you heart ache in the long run. Best wishes for whatever you decide.

aussielle

If you are to buy a property between you, there are two options:

Joint tennants - co-ownership, whereby two people are regarded as being wholly entitled to the whole property. Upon the death of one of the joint owners, the property remains vested in the survivors.

Tennants in common - concurrent ownership by two people, each having a distinct share of the property. It may be a 50/50 share or 65/35, as appropriate. Each owner may then bequeath their share to any heir of their choosing.

It's a hard call to make, because if you have children from a previous relationship, then invest in a new property with another partner, if you died and you held a property as joint tennants, the property would automatically pass to the other joint tennant (your new partner). If that partner were then to meet and marry someone else and they then died, their new spouse would inherit as next of kin and the inheritance could totally bypass the children you left behind.

You can look after your childrens' interests by opting for tennants in common, with the option for the remaining partner to live in the house, with the children (if that is what you would want to happen if you died) then they wouldn't loose the family home, but it could be written into your Will that if the remaining partner wanted to co-habit or marry someone new, the house would have to be sold, and your share given to your children or trustees, depending on their ages.

I don't think I've made a very good job of explaining :rolleyes:

aMeLia'S~MuMMY

northern_star wrote: »

Bear with me on this, I guess it sounds mercenary, but much as I love this man and want to be with him, I wouldn’t want my children to lose out on their ‘inheritance’, they were with me during the ‘lean’ years. Conversely I wouldn’t want my ‘husband’ to be forced to sell our home to meet their ‘inheritance’ requirements.

Sorry.....It's not help just an opinion.....

I do not think that you sound mercenary at all, I think you sound like a wonderful caring person and i think your forthought shows this ~ there are alot of people out there ~ who in the throws of love forget to consider the issues you have raised and it's too late when they are gone.

Your children and husband to be are very lucky indeed!

:A

Morglin

I'm in the same boat, only all our kids are adults - so what OH and I have done is made a will leaving everything to each other, but as I knew I am a beneficiary in 2 wills (my parents and my uncle's), then I asked them both to change their wills to leave the bulk of them to my children, and just a token to me, which they did.

My OH owns half a house, so he arranged for the solicitor to leave that to his children, as really (morally) it was theirs.

But, you really need a solicitor to draft things properly.

Lin

seven-day-weekend

I don't think you are mercenary, it is very sensible and if I were in your position I would want to do exactly the same.

Good luck!

i1189

I have a similar situation - if I die before OH I want my share of the house/money to go to OH for his lifetime, but I don't want it to go to his daughter when he dies - I want it to go to charity instead.

My solicitor has advised that setting up a trust is the way to do this. 2 trustees will allow OH to do what he wants with the house/money, but make sure that his daughter does not benefit from what was my share.

dianadors

My friend was in a similar position. One of her concerns was if the marriage didnt last(and you cant blame anyone who has been divorced once for knowing that this is a possibility), she would have to sell her home to pay her fella off. What they did was move him into her house, kept his house on and rented it out (making a profit each month for extra income) and write a decent will. They are still together by the way!!! On the other foot - my Aunt died a few years ago and she had remarried a lovely man who sold his house off when they married. They used the money to go on great holidays and travelled a lot and she was really happy with him. She died suddenly, and her only daughter decided she wanted him out of the house so she could use the money for herself. My Aunt had never made a will, or put his name on her house. He ended up being kicked out and living with my Aunts brother. It isnt what she would have wanted at all - She doted on her new husband and also her daughter, but she didnt forsee her daughter turning so nasty (through drink we think).