Help Boyfriends double life has dragged me into his mess

bargainbetty

Personally, I would ensure that every financial association with him is dissolved. Call the council about any outstanding council tax and if necessary use some savings to get it cleared. Don't bother asking for money from him, just clear your own name. Strip every trace of him off your credit record that you possibly can.

If you want to give him another chance, tell him to bring all his paperwork for every debt to you. Help him identify how much he owes and to where. Help him set up a payment plan and learn how to budget. Tell him he has to keep everything in order for six months, and prove that he has addressed and dealt with his debts.

Stay at your mum's or get a little place of your own if you can but do not allow him to move in.

If he won't take the help, he can do it alone, but the point is he MUST do it. If he won't, you will know where you stand, what a life with him would mean, and you can make your decision based on that.

I wish you luck.

Hannyboy2006

I'll leave it at that. It's pretty clear that the general consensus is that it is fundamentally based on how much you are prepared to trust him over this matter and in the future.

I wish you and your man luck Bex

purple.sarah

hannyboy2006 wrote: »

Bex,

I will just say that I am a man that has been in your boyfriend's situation.

Whilst I feel for you and understand your anger/stress/sadness of the whole situation, please try to understand that this is probably something in which your BF has been crying into his pillow about every night whilst you've been sleeping peacefully next to him..... What i'm getting at is some people are extremely venerable when it comes to borrowing money and getting into debt, yet it has no resemblance on them as a person!
He has kept this from you because he is extremely worried that what people have said on this post who say you should leave him.. WILL COME TRUE!!

THESE PEOPLE ARE SIMPLY TALKING BS !!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the lies are despicable, but that is EXACTLY what debt does to you! It turns you into someone you are NOT!!

I may have walked into the lions den with this one, but you people who say Bex should just bin him.... You should be ashamed of yourself!! You are basically saying "Lets make this worse for both of you and end your relationship"
Sit down with him and insist that he tells you EVERYTHING!! If you think he could be gambling, ask him and tell him to prove otherwise... The likelihood is that because the hard bit is now out in the open with you and his family (DEBT), he will reveal all!

The fact is Bex, Is that I bet you guys were just perfect before this came up.... Well that is exactly what he wants it to be...

Don't let the devil that is debt consume both of you and your relationship!

Help him

People were suggesting she end the relationship over his lies and manipulation, not his debt! There is no excuse for the way he treated her. Debt does not turn you into someone you are not, it does not make you lie to loved ones. He needs to take responsibility for his actions! He clearly has problems but it has to be his decision to get help as with any addiction like compulsive spending or gambling. She can't save him and frankly shouldn't have to bankrupt herself trying!

purple.sarah

hannyboy2006 wrote: »

The relationship other than the debt sounds stable from what Bex is suggesting. The likelihood that the debt has gotten the better of him rather than the fact he may be a 'chancer' sounds far more feasible at this stage to me...

What part of this relationship sounds stable to you?