Engagement/wedding postponement - just a vent

74jax

Dunroamin wrote: »

Spending lots of money on an engagement ring and or wedding seems particularly silly when you've been dealing with debts. It's the marriage that matters, not the wedding.

Totally agree.

have a look on the weddings board http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/forumdisplay.php?f=142 there's even a thread for those waiting to be engaged.

If you really do want to be married then hopefully this board will show you that you can do it for a couple of hundred pounds (giving notice and register office) or show ways of cutting costs for other weddings.

I would quote dunroaming though, it's the marriage that matters.

Vickisaver

We have no intention of incurring debt for wedding or rings etc, we want to do this right, not pay for it forever! OH has never had debt, and has a fear of it, which is fantastic as far as I am concerned.

Acc72, he has not had a job since graduating, apart from a short temporary assignment. He has a good science degree, but no work experience, didn't have job during uni etc. He has had good feedback from the interviews recently, but always the same that he is either over qualified or not enough experience. On the plus side, he is also an artist, so has spent time working on this, and now started to see rewards with a few gallery's hanging his work.

Just_Plain_Jane

Vickisaver wrote: »

I do like this idea, would love my grandmother's engagement ring which my mum has, but don't think she would part with it yet...it's even the right size!

Ask her - the worst she can say is no.

fluffnutter

Aww, you'll get there, lovey. It's the marriage not the day that's important, and hopefully you'll have decades of happy love together and the fact that you had to wait another year will be quickly forgotten.

One word of caution though... there's just a little tiny part of me that's hearing a ringing alarm bell. Once your debts are cleared and your OH's found a job, make sure there's no more stalling. Not because I think everyone should rush to marry (I don't) but because, you could actually marry now (if you wanted to and accepted that it would be on a budget). Sometimes it's just nice to think 'What the hell - there's more to life than being in the 'perfect financial position'. Let's just do it!' I just hope that your very sensible reason for delaying at the moment doesn't turn into simple delaying.

Vickisaver

Thanks fluffnutter, to be honest I don't think there will be any holding us back. I know we could do it now, but I think it helps both us, and my parents (who have supported me through a lot, financially and emotionally) if we wait. We are on a tight budget now, and are blissfully happy, so it helps us have just that bit more confident that no matter what life throws at us, we can work out ways to get through it

snowleopard61

Just to look at it another way - my ex and I (and I know he is now ex but we were married for 16 years and very happily for much of that and are still on good terms) got not only engaged but married when all we had was a student grant each. The engagement ring was my granny's and cost nothing at all (but I would have been happy with a 'fashion' one costing a tenner!) and the wedding (in church) cost under £300 - not much even those days - including everything. I know not everyone wants to do it quite so frugally and would perhaps rather have more of a splash, but marriage doesn't have to equal big expense. Certainly even official engagement can be free or virtually free, if you'd like to do it.

Either way you sound really happy together, which is lovely.

Vickisaver

Snowleopard, that sounds brilliant, and we are planning on doing something cheaply. It's great that you still remember yours fondly, and confirms that no matter what you spend on 'the day' it will always be special to those involved.

Thank you for your comment, it is great to have found someone quite so brilliant (though under no illusions, no one is perfect lol).

fluffnutter

snowleopard61 wrote: »

Just to look at it another way - my ex and I (and I know he is now ex but we were married for 16 years and very happily for much of that and are still on good terms) got not only engaged but married when all we had was a student grant each. The engagement ring was my granny's and cost nothing at all (but I would have been happy with a 'fashion' one costing a tenner!) and the wedding (in church) cost under £300 - not much even those days - including everything. I know not everyone wants to do it quite so frugally and would perhaps rather have more of a splash, but marriage doesn't have to equal big expense. Certainly even official engagement can be free or virtually free, if you'd like to do it.

Either way you sound really happy together, which is lovely.

Totally true. Setting up home together and having kids needs some wedge behind you, but getting married doesn't. If we all waited for the perfect moment, would we ever get anything done?

Anyway, each to their own, and the OP wants to wait, just feels a little disappointed (understandably) that things aren't moving as quickly as she'd like.

Acc72

Vickisaver wrote: »

he has not had a job since graduating, apart from a short temporary assignment.

As you have asked on a moneysaving site, then your first priority is to reduce your cash outflow and to clear your current debts.

You partner / future husbands first pririty is to get some cash inflow.

As a young man (I assume to be able bodied) I cannot understand how he has not worked for 2 years.

Although I am sure that he is hoping for that whizzo job to come along, in the meantime he needs to get any job.

You may think that taking any job would be irrelevant - but going for interviews with no work experience whatsoever is even worse.

Person_one

You do realise you can be married within a few weeks for less than £100?

Weddings aren't compulsory in order to be married.

If its really important to both of you to make the commitment, why not just go to the registry office with your parents as witnesses and then when you are in a more comfortable position a few years down the line you can have a big party for your 5th or 10th or whatever anniversary with a fancy cake and a string quartet if that's what you want.