Benefits of marriage

Justie

Jei70 wrote: »

And for research - I remember reading that marriage increases longevity in men, but decreases it in women! LOL, I don't have a source for this, but it stuck in my mind...

I read that too :rotfl:


at the end of the day you're the only people who can decide. If you're both happy not to be married and neither of you is secretly wishing the other would 'commit' (although quite why getting married is the only valid way of doing that I don't know) then there's probably little reason to alter the status quo. One of the deciding factors for me was buying property and also thinking about having kids. I went through a phase of wishing he'd propose but by the time we actually got married I couldn't have cared one way or the other (not in a bad way I just didn't NEED to have the reassurance of a wedding ring to know I was loved and secure). Everyone's different. My only advice is that if you're not married and you're not going to get married then get power of attorny sorted out for both of you and get up to date wills (although married couples should do that too) etc.

angeldeelite

my mum and dad were never married. She had my brother from a previous marriage, first husband used to beat her and so she wrote a will when she was 20 leaving everything to my brother so her ex husband could get nothing.

fast forward 5 years she met my dad and had me. my dad brought my brother up as his own, but they never got married as they could never afford it. My mum passed away very suddenly in 1994 without ever renewing her will. Not sure of the exact details but basically my dad had to see a solicitor and my brother and my grandad (mum's dad) decided that they would not enforce the will as it would have left me and my dad with nothing.

my family has been torn apart ever since as my bro and grandad got it into their heads that me and my dad are going to leave my brother out of any profits if the house is ever sold. Bear in mind i was 12 at the time so god knows how i could conspire! My grandad is senile and my bro suffers from physcosis so basically they think me and my dad are out to get them.

i can't help but think (and my dad thinks this too) if they were married, none of this might have happened as my dad would have had rights as her husband.

I know it's morbid but if one partner was to die, it can make life much easier for the surviving family if they are married

Ember999

Thanks for all the 'thanks' to my post. I was expecting a lot of people to be angry about what I said, but I am pleased to see that most of you agree to the many benefits of being married. I will be celebrating my 19th anniversary in August and I definately married for love - he had nothing when I met him! LOL but marriage makes you bond as a family, makes you work harder at resolving problems if you have any and gives you both and your kids (if you have any) life-long financial, health and mental well-being benefits. That's if you marry the 'right' one of course!

Thanks again, I was expecting a roasting for my post *smile*

Ember xx

bigpaws23

This has been a really helpful thread to me as well. I am in the same situation as the original poster, so I really knew that you meant you are already comitted to your partner and you love him.

We have a child and, as we are not married, he does not have parental 'rights' which really bugs me.

He has an ex wife (they were divorced 7 years ago) and it does concern me that if he were to drop dead tomorrow (we have no wills either) that she could come knocking on the solicitors door for her 'cut'.
He receieved bad advise from his solicitor at the time of their divorce and he was in an emotional state so wasn't thinking straight and he was never told about the 'no comeback' part - can't remember what it is called now, but it seems to me that she can come back at ANY time in the future and try and get money out of us.

I'm sorry if I am hijacking the thread, but I hope this question (and subsequent answers) might be helpful to others too.

So, Jei70, have you decided to wed the man of your dreams after this thread? :rolleyes:

Bigpaws x

emma_b_4

we got married bcos we wanted to, we wanted to make those vows to each other. some ppl spend so much on a frilly day that i reckon they spend the first few years of married life paying it off!!
i love being married, got married in october and have never been happier, i love the fact that my OH is my husband and im his wife, maybe we are old fashioned in todays society but we are happy so couldnt care!!
i understand how you must feel with ppl asking when are you next.............
im 23 and all people say to me "you look too young to be married" and its started to drive me mad lately!!

i would say dont do it bcos of what other people say, never do anything you dont want to cos of what other people say!!!

but if you do decide to get wed, enjoy your day xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

pookienoodle

Hi will just add my experiences.
my husband and i married 7 years ago after living together for the previous 10 years.
we decided to get married when we found out that the company we worked for had decided not to give the death in sevice benefit to a workmates partner after he had died of cancer. they said it was their perogative to do this.
we decided that we would be better off married so we went to florida to get hitched.
WOW my wedding day was the best day of my life I felt emotions I thought I would never feel at a wedding service ( I had always thought it was just a piece of paper, unless you were religious)
our marriage has been the best thing that happened to us and we were very happy before.
my advice is you know you are already commited to your partner, if you think you would be better off go for it! ( the fact that you are thinking about must mean that in principle you would not be adversed to it)
wish you luck whatever you decide.

kr15snw

I think one of the main reason I want to get married is because to me its like me standing on a huge platform and screaming to the world..

"I LOVE THIS MAN MORE THAN ANYTHING AND ONLY WANT TO BE WITH HIM FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE"

Anyway....

You know what I mean? to me it shows true dedication (not that I think people who dont get married dont have dedication, this is just my own way of showing it). Then theres the pretty dress, feeling like a princess for a day etc etc etc

pboae

Of course you should only marry someone *if* you love them and intend to spend the rest of your life with them, but that's a condition, not a reason. You can be just as committed and happy without that formality, but (as Ember said) there are many dull and practical reasons why it's a good idea. Being next of kin is a huge one, and if you have kids it puts parental responsibility on a legal/official standing for fathers. Tax, pensions, next of kin may not set your heart alight but failing to take care of finances will damage any relationship in the long run.

Love and commitment are all very well, but after the honeymoon period wears off it's the day to day practical stuff that really defines your relationship. Grand romantic gestures are great, but so is doing your fair share of housework. For me, having my partner cook my favourite meal when he knows I've had a rough day at work means a lot more than if he hung a banner from the house declaring his love. Taking care of the boring practical stuff is just as important, and it's another way of showing you care.

MJMum

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fai_3

I am not an English and hope to find some answers for a couple of questions I always think of when I came accross the relationship here in the UK. So, please be gentle....

I come from a conservative society where the only relation between men and women is through marriage. So, let us begin from the scratch

1- From which age boys and girls start to pick the corresponding girl/boy friends and is the sexual relation is the only part of the boy / girlfreind relatioship.
2- How many girlfriends a man/women can have and can he/she has more than one in the same time...
3- If there is a pregnancy, what are the rights of boy/girlfriends in this case...
4- I would like to know, also, what are the main differences between getting married and getting a boy/girl friend.
5- what are the rights of husband and wifes after marriage...

I am really sorry if this is not the right place to ask about this. But, I think this is a good apportunity to get some insight information about the English socity and their attitude to this issue...

Please accept my apology, agian, and thanks in advance for your help....

Fai