Feeling like an outsider - still

lostinrates

passatrider wrote: »

You know what I have thought about getting a dog but decided that it would not be a suitable thing to do. I'm too house proud for starters so not ideal plus working all day too.

I do house/dog sit for my brother though so I get my dog fix that way, without the commitment.

What about the cinnamon trust? Volunteering to help someone who cannot walk a dog. Getting a small amount ofinteraction with them, but less commitment?

passatrider

PasturesNew wrote: »

People are over-rated.... but you know that don't you. They'll only want something from you that wasn't part of the initial deal, then back you into a corner until you're having a really !!!! time and wished you'd never said you'd go out

Ha..thankyou.

cottonhead

I think volunteering is a great idea. Will get you to meet new people and have a feeling you are doing something worthwhile. mayb e you could have some therapy to help with the anxiety.
I have to say I am a loaner in some respects. My mum and husband are always trying to get me to 'make friends' and dont understand why I dont have any. I would never admit openly to not having friends as people will either think I am joking or will feel sorry for me but its through choice. Might sounds rude but I feel for me its just too much hassle having friends and I prefer my own company. So what I am trying to say is deal with the part of the issue that troubles you but dont worry about having to conform. If you choose not to be that social thats fine. Oh and how about a cat instead ? They are quite clean and dont need as much attention in terms of walking and staying at home.

Fuzzy_Duck

Have you tried meeting people through the internet? I have APD too and this is the only way I have managed to make friends by myself. I find it much easier to communicate with people online as I can plan my responses if you know what I mean- in person I would be constantly over analysing everything I said and I'd be desperate to get away.

Volunteering is a great way to meet people but I know I'd be far too scared to do that, so you might be the same. It might be easier for you to do that with one of your existing friends. Perhaps do a course in something you both enjoy in which you might meet new people?

I met my partner online so please don't think it will never happen for you. I spoke to him for months online and then had a rather awkward phone call before we met up. Thankfully he knew what I was like through messages so assumed I was simply shy and talked a lot to make up for my silence! He's one of the few people I feel comfortable with now, and although it was hard I did make friends with all of his friends, so I can go out socially if I feel like it.

I wouldn't recommend speaking to other people with APD though. It got too depressing for me- I think the last thing you need is to be around people who think we're all destined to die alone I spoke to people with similar hobbies instead- that way I could talk about things that made me happy and it was a much more positive experience. I have always found that I get on better with confident, chatty people as I don't have to worry so much about how I interact with them- if I was talking to someone else with APD I expect we would both find it an agonising situation to be in!

I know what you mean about being a loner too. Relationships stress me out so much I do generally enjoy my own company over others. If you can have a pet I agree that a cat would be a great idea- they're very easy to care for and as they're no where near as adoring as a dog you always feel pretty special when they want a cuddle. It's pathetic but mine has always been my furry baby and cheered me up no end on my darkest days.

All the best OP, I'm sure things will improve for you soon. I just wanted you to know that you can live a good life with this condition. However there comes a point when you have to stop fantasing about your perfect life like I did and try to make it real instead. It is difficult but I think making a few internet friends is a great way to start.