Feeling like an outsider - still

passatrider

I've always been a bit of a loner I guess. Nothing wrong with that you might say. However, I'm slowly becoming demoralised with life to be honest.
I've a condition called 'Avoidant Personality Disorder' where I find it hard to maintain close relationships with people - not just friends but family too. What makes it even more complex is that I'm also gay too so narrows down my chances of making connections even further - although I'm happy with that side of things I guess. I'm a 43 yo male by the way.

My days are made up of working 3 days a week, which is the most I can deal with to be honest with this condition. The rest of it is spent alone at home watching TV, surfing the net. Rarely do I get visitors as I live out in a village. When I do I just get all wound up with stress/anxiety too.
Yes, I do have friends but even they are few and far between now as they are either busy or are in relationships. I do not go on dates anymore as I just get stressed out with the thought of having relationships.
I've had the therapy to help me deal with this condition but the rest of it is up to me.

I'm just stuck in a rut and really feel as though I've no where to go with this to be honest?

Sambucus_Nigra

What is it you want to be like/have/enjoy?

McKneff

Get a dog, you meet so many nice people who will stop and talk. There will be something else to focus on
rather than your self.

Join the dog obedience class, sometimes all people need is common ground to get on with eac other

Like you say, you will have to help yourself in this.

passatrider

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

What is it you want to be like/have/enjoy?

I don't really know to be honest with you. I see friends having kids, enjoying relationships, getting married. I will never have this and know that but it does make my life look very empty.

passatrider

McKneff wrote: »

Get a dog, you meet so many nice people who will stop and talk. There will be something else to focus on
rather than your self.

Join the dog obedience class, sometimes all people need is common ground to get on with eac other

Like you say, you will have to help yourself in this.

You know what I have thought about getting a dog but decided that it would not be a suitable thing to do. I'm too house proud for starters so not ideal plus working all day too.

I do house/dog sit for my brother though so I get my dog fix that way, without the commitment.

amyloofoo

Is there a support group for people with your condition? I know you may have to travel a while to get to it, which I imagine may be difficult, but this may help? I have bipolar and it's really helped to talk to people from bipolar UK who have local groups (and also have groups specifically for LGBT people)... perhaps there's the same for APD where you could meet and socialise with people who have similar issues?

Sambucus_Nigra

passatrider wrote: »

I don't really know to be honest with you. I see friends having kids, enjoying relationships, getting married. I will never have this and know that but it does make my life look very empty.

But are you happy with that life, or do you have a need for a different one?

To be honest, until your need for something [for example a dog] exceeds your current need [for example cleanliness] - you won't be able to make the changes. So you really do need to figure out what it is you either want or need in order to figure out what changes can be made to achieve this.

passatrider

amyloofoo wrote: »

Is there a support group for people with your condition? I know you may have to travel a while to get to it, which I imagine may be difficult, but this may help? I have bipolar and it's really helped to talk to people from bipolar UK who have local groups (and also have groups specifically for LGBT people)... perhaps there's the same for APD where you could meet and socialise with people who have similar issues?

I'm not aware of any support groups locally. There's a group on facebook but most of the members are based around the world so not ldeal.

I don't know if there's a LGBT group for APD sufferers either but I guess a call to the local switchboard might help.

passatrider

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

But are you happy with that life, or do you have a need for a different one?

To be honest, until your need for something [for example a dog] exceeds your current need [for example cleanliness] - you won't be able to make the changes. So you really do need to figure out what it is you either want or need in order to figure out what changes can be made to achieve this.

I suppose I trundle along in this 'comfort zone' because it feels safer. Stepping out is very hard for me to do, especially with APD. The cleanliness thing is a real issue for me too - a bit obsessive if I were to be honest.

You are spot on though when you say my needs have to be addressed otherwise nothing will change.:(

Sambucus_Nigra

passatrider wrote: »

You are spot on though when you say my needs have to be addressed otherwise nothing will change.:(

It's basic psychology - we all live by it.

Nothing personal.

PasturesNew

People are over-rated.... but you know that don't you. They'll only want something from you that wasn't part of the initial deal, then back you into a corner until you're having a really !!!! time and wished you'd never said you'd go out