Hoarding...not just on TV

katep23

Having an emotional time of it at the moment and it really shows how my hoarding is linked to my emotions - I have just had delivery of 12kg of pasta from Amazon

Things are very much up in the air at the moment and obviously insecurity is making my food hoarding issues in particular go into overdrive.

It's the first time I have really acknowledged that I feel like having "stuff" be it clothes, furniture, books or food around me will make me feel better and feel like I need these things. But of course it doesn't make me feel better. It just makes me feel frustrated and overwhelmed and I don't know where to start in clearing it.

Thank you to everyone who has shared their emotional insights - it has helped me to face up to the link that so many people, not just me, have between emotions and hoarding. Sometimes not being the only one helps.

And I promise, no more food shopping for the forseeable future :cool: (except fresh fruit and veg!)

wannabe_sybil

katep23 - it is amazing how this thread is helping us all see things. Just recognising that there is a problem and giving it a name can be amazingly useful. Good luck!

This is going to sound strange, but I am going to have to de-richard under the kitchen table today, in fact, de-richard all the kitchen floor as well. I found two mysterious puddles this morning that were not there when I was the last in the kitchen last night and they do not smell, so that rules out evil cat. I need to clear loads to get there. And little bear is in a bouncy mood this morning. He is currently playing war as I am insisting on eating breakfast and waking up before reading the fourteen books to him that he has cued up.

So, against strong opposition by little bear, I am going to have to get a lot done. In addition, if I say I am going to iron I usually find myself hoovering, if I say I will go out I normally stay in - it is intensely frustrating for me. And today I need, need, need to try and clear the kitchen.

I suspect the problem may well be a drain in the houses behind us, shared by two negligent landlords. Sigh.

SpikyHedgehog

AlwaysHappy wrote: »

Just found this thread so only read the first and last pages - will try and read more later. This has resonated with me - my Mum is exactly the same (in the hoarding dept - not threatening). She is 81 and I have tried all sorts of ways to help her and get her to deal with some of her posessions but she won't have it. I know she hasn't got over the death of my grandma some 20 plus years ago (still infact has her furniture as well now) and hasn't thrown anything away voluntarily for long before that. I can't go into her kitchen - I wouldn't be able to ever have a coffee there again, and nor would I be able to resist sorting it BUT she has said that would be the end of our relationship if I ever did. I worry that I think about it a LOT and as an only child am concerned that when anything does happen to her instead of grief I am only going to have anger - it wells inside me now though I do love her. I have health issues of my own and am a carer for my son and I have tried over the years to reason with her that if she loved me why would she leave me with all this but to no avail - the illness (or whatever) is larger and I resent that. Oops, sorry for hijacking but it was great to get off my chest and you are doing really well.

Welcome, Always Happy, don't feel bad for ' hijacking' :-) Looking at my parents house has made me concentrate on making sure my children won't have to do too much when I go. My parents both admit they hoard but don't stop getting more stuff, so we're going to have a lot to deal with when they go.

sjprmc01 wrote: »

Good luck JOJO!

Not had a very successful few days. Have been bringing more stuff into the house, ok, it's stuff that will be used but I've not really gotten rid of anything!

Got 4 sets of sale bras n Knicks from debenhams. But with 2 sizes Knicks as I plan to lose weight after this week and next (OH off from work just now so it's 'holiday' time) the mon I plan to start (13th) is 2 days before the kids go back to school here so seems a good time to start my diet.

I also bought clothes in the sale in Mr A's which I wouldn't have done if I hadn't gone for a nosey. (they were between £1-£3 and I actually got a very good previously £18 cardi for £1). But I unnecessarily ordered eldest dd a gilet and polo top from joules just coz I liked them!

Off caravanning the next two days, then working sat, off sun for an event, then have another week of OH off so hopefully I will be able to squeeze in a proper decluttering day

Do you think it would help doing an audit of the girls clothes so you can see it in writing, what they've got, what you'd like them to have, etc? Then when you see the bargains you can check the list & say ' oh, DD1 doesn't need more skirts, but DD2 does need more tights'

alec_eiffel

susyrosy wrote: »

I'm not a hoarder, though of course I do have a home full of things I like having around - but they have to do the William Morris thing, and be useful and decorative. I've found that the more storage space you have (that thing so beloved of wardrobe makers and designers) the more stuff you ram into it. Remove excess (value judgment here) storage - in my case, a campervan and extensive shelves - and you can't keep things.

I have to boast a bit - I went to France for 9 days with one small carry on pocketed bag (Ryanair) and had three rolled up dresses, underwear, small toiletries, swimming costume and flipflops, and wore trousers, t shirt, cardigan and trainers - no problem. Didn't get to wear the swimming costume

I agree with you.

One issue that I have with storage now is that lots of it is pretty much single use, a shelf or a box can be used for lots of things, but a multi compartment, teeny box, segmented thing isn't flexible in the same way. Anything that can't be used in different ways will almost certainly lead to hanging on to things for longer than needed because they have a home or will create a problem in itself as it doesn't do the job it was originally used for - when interests, life or size of stuff changes. Finally the thing is a white elephant as it should be used because it "storage" but it's inappropriate but there's guilt about getting rid of it because we paid good money for it...

GreyQueen

Evening all.

Friend and neighbour SuperGran came around to collect the 3 cardboard boxes which I'd nabbed for her on my way home from work. She'd asked me to look out for some as she is in the process of emptying out her kitchen and boxing everything up as the kitchen is being completely replaced by her LL. She hasa start date and is working on the project a little each day.

Now, SG is a real neatnik and positively spartan but I have never seen the inside of her kitchen cupboards but don't imagine that they'd be hell-holes of clutter. But even she admits that she is finding stuff which, on balance, can be rehomed. Some of it is going to a church jumbly this Saturday and some will be offered to the charity shop.

One thing she has found and won't be returning to the new kitchen are several tureens. Not a lot of use in a single person household where other persons are fed once in a blue moon. They are family things but there is no great emotional attachment to them.

:question: SG was musing aloud on tureens. Does anyone use them in the twenty-first century? Would anyone even want them secondhand? What do the rest of you think? Are you the chatelaine of long-unfashionable items of domestic paraphenalia?

The other month, I found out why fish knives were considered to be lower-class, something I was aware of but didn't understand. Apparently, it is because families of quality had silver which dated back to at least the Georgian period and fish knives came in later, so the mere presence of them in your silver revealed you as nouveau riche. And probably in Trade. :eek: Considering that I'm resolutely common and the Family Silver is limited to one egg cup and an apostle spoon, I'm not sure why I'm interested, but there you go.

The things you learn, eh? Back when Trivial Pursuit was fashionable, no one would ever play against me twice; got a head full of random stuff.

If the mood strikes, I may venture into the Undersink Cupboard.......cover me, ladies, and send back-up if I'm not back in a week...............:rotfl:

penguin83

Hi everyone I was wondering if I could join you please. I have been reading this thread for a while and now need to dive in! My house is beyond a joke now. I am not a naturally tidy person which doesn't help but it is at the point where I can't relax in any room. Something someone said earlier in the thread about the clutter creating 'visual noise' struck a chord with me. I feel so on edge and I am not a good sleeper and I am sure it is all linked in.

To start with I have emptied a quarter of one of the bedrooms which has pretty much filled the living room. My reasoning is that I will sort it when it is in my living room as I can't ignore it. My living room is now a tip and the room has so much more in it. Quite overwhelming really but onwards and upwards. xx

Mayflower10cat

Having become far more aware that I/we all have too much 'stuff' and being faced with significant Birthday of very dear friend who leads a pared down lifestyle.... I've had a really hard couple of weeks trying to buy a few presents for her that she'll like and that she'll actually use. All her husband would say is she likes a small amount of very dark chocolate..... I went to a little local deli who makes handmade chocolates and ordered a small selection of their finest and darkest treats. Then, I was buying a birthday card from another little gift shop and the lady owner happened to mention they were selling off all their garden ornaments at cost to get rid before autumn..... My friend adores her garden so I ended up buying a lovely, tall copper 'flower' on a long stalk which had a gorgeous blown glass centre that she assured me would 'glow in the dark'. I tested it when I got home and yes, it was very sweet glowing in the cupboard under the stairs! Then today in a rather posh and well organised charity shop, I spotted a beautiful display in the window of pretty cups and saucers, all priced at £4. I snapped up a really sweet little coffee cup and saucer that I know she'll love as she really appreciates good coffee. I think we all have, within our homes and cupboards, lovely little pieces that would make perfect gifts - whether we give them directly or give them to charity shops or even Freecyle, everything has a home....

wannabe_sybil

Not a good day today. Nothing out, Lakeland order in, Book People order pending.

Not likely to do much tomorrow - I am doing a dry run of little bear's trip to martial art's summer camp. I need to get him to an industrial estate in the middle of nowhere by 9am Monday.

Not likely to do much at the weekend. OH is having a hard time at work, so fuss required. Also little bear will be shattered.

Might manage some stuff Monday - I should have one or two hours spare, but I don't know if I will feel like filling them with anything but sleep.

Also ironing has reached critical mass and will be assessed by Health and Safety if I don't get some inroads made.

GreyQueen - undersink cupboard of doom. Last time I did that (some time ago, it was scary) I looked at all the stuff and realised that there was more cleaner than cleaning, I was never going to use half of the stuff in its useful lifespan and tipped a load down the drain. On the other hand, I once got a steal on some Fairy Liquid and it blocked up my undersink for ages, but it got used in the end.

Hugs to all, celebrate any achievement and good luck!

Edited to add - Mayflower10cat - you sound lovely with the thoughtful gifts. I hope I am like that - I will spend hours and hours for the right gift, but I am stingy with the pennies! I would rather have a gift that took thought and perhaps time than anything else.

GreyQueen

penguin83 wrote: »

Hi everyone I was wondering if I could join you please. I have been reading this thread for a while and now need to dive in! My house is beyond a joke now. I am not a naturally tidy person which doesn't help but it is at the point where I can't relax in any room. Something someone said earlier in the thread about the clutter creating 'visual noise' struck a chord with me. I feel so on edge and I am not a good sleeper and I am sure it is all linked in.

To start with I have emptied a quarter of one of the bedrooms which has pretty much filled the living room. My reasoning is that I will sort it when it is in my living room as I can't ignore it. My living room is now a tip and the room has so much more in it. Quite overwhelming really but onwards and upwards. xx

Hello and welcome, hun. It was me who wrote about visual noise, among others.

I have ME and tire easily and find too much stimuli overwhelming. I don't mean to imply that I spend my days in a darkened room with the smelling salts at hand, I go out to work and lead a relatively-normal life, but I can't stand a lot of clutter.

Howsomever, I am also not one of life's naturally-tidy people and my flat is titchy.

If I can make a little suggestion, how do you feel about establishing calm and order in the bedroom which you use yourself, first of all? If it helps you sleep better, that would make everything else in your life better, too. One trick is to try dragging everything out and do a really deep clean. I'm not implying that you're a mucky puppy btw! It's just bedrooms can get very dusty almost unnoticed and freshening up, washing the curtains or blinds etc can help the quality of your rest.

Once you've given it a good go with the vac, put you stuff back little by little. If something is a bit hmmmmnnnnn? perhaps you could park it elsewhere and see if you need it at all?

I find it very helpful to establish order on some flat surfaces. Some women I know have a house rule that after food prep nothing, and they mean nothing, sits on the worksurfaces. Even a cabinet or tabletop which is uncluttered is such a morale-booster. Best of luck and keep posting, please.

Ah, the Washing Up Liquid Mountain.......oh yes, have one of those, in fact was retrieving a bottle this morning. I thought I was down to 3 bottles under there but there seems to be a bottle of Ecover which is MIA. I plan to drag the contents out one rainy day soon and find it. I have told myself that I'm not allowed to buy any more WUL until I'm at least half way down the last bottle but am already feeling a bit anxious with only 3 to use. And I'm 5 mins walk from the blinking shop.:o

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Morning!

Sybil, if the ironing is so bad that it's getting in the way, is it worth considering paying for it to be taken away and done by someone else? Not necessarily all the time, although that might be a plan, but to clear the backlog so you can hang it all up and start afresh?

And if you're too embarrassed to think of the ironing lady seeing some of the things as they are just too tatty, for example, that's something that needs to go into the bin.


Welcome to the thread, Penguin, our newest poster, it's a friendly place here. And we aren't afraid to ask the tricky questions, such as 'why would you want to carry it all into the front room and leave it looking at you if you could have dealt with each thing the first time you touched it?'. Meant kindly, of course, but if you're picking it up at least twice before you've made a decision, that's more work than looking at it once and deciding 'bin' or 'genuinely need, have space for, in perfect condition and doesn't represent some other emotion or person'.

Get started on that first bit you can reach. Don't go off on a tangent. Don't go back into the bedroom until you've done the bit that is already sapping your soul from you like a clutter vampire.