Am I a bad friend?

coinxoperated

I have to say - I didn't read all of your post as it was too long for my poor tired eyes... but

If you have to post on a public forum something that long about a so called 'friend', i would suggest binning and making better friends.

I've recently had to make a hard decision to walk away from a friend I have had for the past 12 years. Heres what happened:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/3951933

I've been 'Phsyco friend free' for 5 months now, and my god it feels great :rotfl:

badfriend?

Thanks for reading (and attempting too lol!!)

Yes Hermia that's what she's like i'm awful as she really wanted to see me and it had to be that day!! As she was working til late all the weekdays and that was the best day for her to do!

In all honesty loads of these "friends" she's with in pics on FB she's !!!!!ed about before to me on many occasions so I dread to think what she's said about me! I have to have patience for work so it just helps in my personal life... I've worked with people for years that if I didn't have it I would go insane! Thing is years ago I wouldn't have taken this crap from anyone and I'd stopped a couple of frienships where I thought they'd taken advantage I just thought I was older and shouldn't be throwing friends away! The more I see it and read the texts the more angry I am now!

Thanks coinxoperated i'll have a read now..i'm glad you feel so much better and hopefully when i've told her all this when she's back although I do feel like just emailing my thoughts to her now (not going to put a dampner on her holiday though!!) I'll feel so much better! I've so many friends that in all honesty I'd rather spend my time money and effort seeing.. real friends that want to talk about us both and care about me too!

Thinking back I think she's very jealous of one of my friends as I recall her trying to !!!!! about her to me saying she though said friend was "Jealous" of me and HER friendship I don't think my face did well hiding my amusement we all know that the friend she was referring to is and always will be my dearest friend I love her to bits as we laugh and joke and feel great when we're together and I don't DREAD her texts!!

Thanks so much again for your advice everyone I really am feeling so much lighter about this now!

sassyblue

Hermia wrote: »

What a drama queen! What, does she expect people to visit her to say goodbye because she is going on holiday?! I'm sorry I could not put up with a ridiculous melodramatic self-centred drama queen. I expect the reason she has happy times with friends (re: the Facebook photos) is because they won't put up with this nonsense. You have amazing patience OP. I think I would have strangled her by now! I usually try and see the other person's perspective, but I would dump this 'friend'.

^^^ this^^^^

When she texts you l'd reply 'sorry who is this' - I doubt she'll have a decision about your friendship, she'll need more time for dramatic effect.... :rotfl:

Tell her to get stuffed and don't look back. Look up narcissism OP, that's what she suffers from from the sounds of it.

badfriend?

Wow coinxoperated I read through your thread and wow .....you've def done the right thing...I've worked with children for years too and I couldn't imagine seeing that and being able to be friends again...good one on the nose for kicking your dog...I'm in no way violent but I would've done the same if my baby had been kicked!

Sassyblue she's def a narcissist however I think she has very low self esteem and trys to compensate with having people want to see her and spend time with her that's why she takes it so personally if someone can't see her at her whim! In regards to the decision you're completely right so i'm going to take the decision out of her hands and I'm deciding that's the end of it i'm not taking her crap anymore!!

It's so liberating talking to you all...I really feel like i'm in control of the situation now!! Thank you all so much!!

purple.sarah

I think you are making the right decision ending the friendship. I once had a 'friend' like this and it can be very draining when they ring you with sob stories and expect you to drop everything, it's actually quite controlling. She's the one who sounds undependable! When is she there for you?

When you said:
"She basically wouldn't speak to me before Christmas and the new year as she had to think about our friendship. But in all honesty I felt free and had an amazing time with other friends and family without feeling guilty!!"

I think that speaks volumes TBH. It sounds like you are better off without her. Her dithering trying to decide if she will deign to be your friend is just another way of manipulating you. Take the power back and make the decision yourself. I would tell her that you think it's best to take some space as you can't give her what she needs (constant attention!) and suggest she sees a counselor. She needs to deal with her issues instead of taking them out on you.

geri1965_2

I do feel sorry for people like this in a way. My friend was a lovely person in many ways - kind, caring, funny, attractive, intelligent - but there was just this side of her that was frankly a bit mental. Before I eventually fell out with her, she fell out with all our other friends, so I could only see her on my own. I do miss her company, but not the grief that often went with it.

SDG31000

I'm another person who had a friend like this. She always had to be the centre of attention, the beautiful one, the most helpful and wonderful and goodness help anyone who disagreed. As my former neighbour put it "She doesn't think the sun shines out of her ****, she knows it, and heaven help anyone who doesn't think the same"
I supported her through illnesses, deaths in the family, suicide threats, house moves and her divorce.
I've seen her twice in the 4 years since she moved away and rewrote her past to suit herself and both of those times were for 10 minutes max. To be honest I don't miss her a bit. My advice is to save yourself years of stress and be done with it now. You might miss her for a while, but trust me in the end you will feel so much better.
Good luck.

McKneff

I'm not surprised she loses friends right left and centre.

Dont drag it out, dont text her till she gets in touch with you.

Then, just say 'if I'm such a crap friend, why do you want anything to do with me, is it a case of a crap friend is better than no friends at all, please, lets just leave it there and dont contact me again.

That should sort it out. Then change your phone number or block her number

Brighton_belle

The thing about friends is, it's not a life long contract, it's an unwritten contract that gets regularly re assessed and re written. Some friends are for life, but most are just for a certain period in time when you had a lot in common...and that is ok; you don't have to be tied to someone forever. No one would have time for all the friends you potentially make over a life time.

Anyway, she isn't a friend is she; friends make you smile and are fun to be with leave you feeling energised and happy. I feel that even when I have spent time with a friend having a really tough time. It's a wonderful bond.
This person is an aquaintance and life really is too short to spend time with energy sucking leaches and say nasty things to you.
Delete her from FB and your phone.